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Discussion Starter #81
Being a human makes you weak? Did you ever see your parents share tender loving moments?

Has your wife told you to “just man up”? Because if she has.... she’s a *.
My parents was pretty retrained in front of us but as far as I know, they loved each other.


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Discussion Starter #83
Then why in the world would you think she would say these awful things to you?
Because a lot of women do it and some of my friends had this happen to them to and they always tell me not to trust a woman too much and if I need someone to talk to, they are here for me and will have my back.


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My parents was pretty retrained in front of us but as far as I know, they loved each other.


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Well I’m sorry you never witnessed a tender moment between the two of them before.

One of my treasured moments was as a child, at Christmas Eve night when I was suppose to be asleep waiting for Santa, I tried to sneak down stairs, but when I got to the stairs I witnessed my parents doing this cute slow dance, and it was so pretty with all the lights from the tree shining.

Your missing out on the really really good stuff in marriage.
 

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In your opening post, you mentioned a previous mental illness. Were you formally diagnosed? Did you receive treatment? Would you please share the diagnosis? Do you think your past emotional struggles are still impacting your life?
 

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Discussion Starter #87
In your opening post, you mentioned a previous mental illness. Were you formally diagnosed? Did you receive treatment? Would you please share the diagnosis? Do you think your past emotional struggles are still impacting your life?
I had depression when I was a teenager. My mother had depression to. I don’t think my past is still impacting my life.


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Thank you for responding. So you don't trust your wife with your feelings, insecurities, etc. and feel safe when you turn to your friends. From what you've posted thus far, it sounds like a lonely marriage. You have your wife's back, but you don't feel safe if the roles are reversed. What characteristics did your mom have that made you trust her? Does your wife share any of those characteristics? Do you sincerely believe your wife is happy with the marriage as it is, with you being tight-lipped about a good portion of your own life?
 

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Discussion Starter #89
Thank you for responding. So you don't trust your wife with your feelings, insecurities, etc. and feel safe when you turn to your friends. From what you've posted thus far, it sounds like a lonely marriage. You have your wife's back, but you don't feel safe if the roles are reversed. What characteristics did your mom have that made you trust her? Does your wife share any of those characteristics? Do you sincerely believe your wife is happy with the marriage as it is, with you being tight-lipped about a good portion of your own life?
My mom listened to me and was never judgemental and was always there for me. I try to make her happy everyday. Even on the days where I have bad days. I suck it up and make my woman happy. I perform my husband duties no matter what. But like I said In another comment, she told me a few times that I’m like a robot with no emotions that’s on autopilot. I thought she was joking but she said it with a straight face.


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My mom listened to me and was never judgemental and was always there for me. I try to make her happy everyday. Even on the days where I have bad days. I suck it up and make my woman happy. I perform my husband duties no matter what. But like I said In another comment, she told me a few times that I’m like a robot with no emotions that’s on autopilot. I thought she was joking but she said it with a straight face.


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Because you are a robot in autopilot. Robots don’t have emotions and you aren’t showing her any.
 

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I had depression when I was a teenager. My mother had depression to. I don’t think my past is still impacting my life.


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If you aren't 100% sure, how do you know unless you explore it?

Things that impact us as we grow up can have long lasting effects.

Example: when I was a kid I had a speech impediment (lisp). I got teased about it alot, to the point where I had enough and did speech therapy to remedy it.

The scars from that remained despite overcoming it. I wanted to 'fit in' so I wouldn't be judged/teased.

Same when I got to high school. Starting getting hassled and so I started doing (and still do) hundreds of push ups to build myself up and protect myself (you mentioned you are a body builder).

This worked to a point, but there was still that underlying need for 'acceptance' from others which was with me up till my early 30's.

It has only been in the last 5 years that a true internal journey has brought about the only acceptance and validation one needs. That is of ones' self.

I have watched countless Red Pill/MGTOW videos, and they were informative, and I took from those what I felt was relevant to my life, but they can take things too far, depending on what type of content you are watching.

You are strong externally, but that only gets you so far. That protects you and gives you a sense of security. But what happens if you are injured? What happens when you become older and a little more frail?

There may be times in your life when you need your wife to have your back, and if you have spent decades in a routine of shutting her out due to your concerns/fears about this, how will she be able to help you when you truly need it?
 

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OP, was your mother a woman?

I ask because you've expressed over and over that you trusted your mother. And that you cannot trust a woman.

I just wonder if you see the discordant thinking in those two statements. If your mother was a woman and you could trust her, then - obviously - there must be at least some women who can be trusted.

Dismissing even the possibility that your wife might be trustworthy is exceptionally disrespectful to her.
 

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Discussion Starter #94
OP, was your mother a woman?

I ask because you've expressed over and over that you trusted your mother. And that you cannot trust a woman.

I just wonder if you see the discordant thinking in those two statements. If your mother was a woman and you could trust her, then - obviously - there must be at least some women who can be trusted.

Dismissing even the possibility that your wife might be trustworthy is exceptionally disrespectful to her.
My mother was a woman. Like I said in another comment, she was only woman I trusted. But now she is gone.


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Why not start slow, with something small, and confide in your wife about it. Then give it some time. See how she handles the info. This would help you build trust. She very well may be a lot like your mom and could ease so much of your anxiety.

I agree there are plenty of people (both women and men) that are flappy jaws who can’t keep their trap shut. I also know plenty of women (like me) who are a vault. The secrets that have been shared with me over the years will never be told to anyone. I provided a safe haven for others to share these things with me, so they could get them off their chest, bounce around ideas and solutions, but never have to worry about it being used against them, or anyone else ever finding out.

Wouldn’t it be a shame if your wife is this type of woman, and you never opened up emotionally to her? Worse yet, if she feels like she is married to a robot, how long do you think she will want to stay? To me, the risk of sharing emotion with your wife is better, than losing her to another man who will give her the emotional relationship she undoubtedly needs.
 

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I agree with the above poster! You can’t stay still, you need to make progress, and grow as a individual and a couple.
 

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Discussion Starter #97
Why not start slow, with something small, and confide in your wife about it. Then give it some time. See how she handles the info. This would help you build trust. She very well may be a lot like your mom and could ease so much of your anxiety.

I agree there are plenty of people (both women and men) that are flappy jaws who can’t keep their trap shut. I also know plenty of women (like me) who are a vault. The secrets that have been shared with me over the years will never be told to anyone. I provided a safe haven for others to share these things with me, so they could get them off their chest, bounce around ideas and solutions, but never have to worry about it being used against them, or anyone else ever finding out.

Wouldn’t it be a shame if your wife is this type of woman, and you never opened up emotionally to her? Worse yet, if she feels like she is married to a robot, how long do you think she will want to stay? To me, the risk of sharing emotion with your wife is better, than losing her to another man who will give her the emotional relationship she undoubtedly needs.
Yeah but a vault can malfunction and it opens. It’s not like there are zero risks.


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Sometimes posters in this forum makes me mad, but you are getting really good advice.

I'll tell you the most important thing about women; they're people.

There are things that are more true of them than of men, but at the end of the day you should get to know them, assess them and decide what/how to trust. I am not judging you, but your fear of trusting them sounds less than rational and is likely to bite you. You may feel safer this way, but as many have said, it is keeping you from getting close to her and may well lead to her leaving you.

Why not get individual counseling? You don't have to do what the counsellor says any more than you have to do what we say.
 

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I went back and read your first post in this thread. I see that you are not asking for advice. Clearly you do not want to accept any either. My mistake.

To answer your question, our privacy rules are nothing like yours. Neither of us are robots, or too proud to be vulnerable.
 
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