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This is a chat I pulled of my dh FB tonight and it has me a bit upset for several reasons: first- this is what he does to relax after work. Sits around and drink and chats up some chick he used to like from his old hometown instead of spending time with me and our kids. Second- he has ****ed someone from his FB friends and got really emotionally wrapped up in her.(it's more complicated than it sound, I'll explain at the end of this post) This was last year. Third- I had to tell a married chick he was involved with online that if she didn't quit, I would send transcripts of their chats to her dh. She defriended/blocked him and apologized to me.
When I told dh about it, and how she was aware that what was happening was inappropriate, he still denies that he is doing anything wrong and I'm just being paranoid and jealous and just don't want him to have female friends.
I don't know how to explain this to him in any other way. So I have come to you all for help.
The below convo is just a portion of the whole thread. Please tell me, am I really overreacting? Would anyone here be cool with the below exchange if it was their SO?


(dh)
Doing well. Work gives me more than I can get done in a day (or week) and the family is getting over the seasonal stomach flu that flies through every year at about this time.
I'm working an automated method of enumerating network segments without being detected so that I can satisfy a CTO at work. It's one of many things I do best.
...
8:03pm
(single woman)
Sorry you guys have the stomach bug. We're dealing with the same thing at my house.
enumerating network segments...Idk what that means exactly.
Is it a way of finding out info about the network? Or are you looking for some specific piece of info?
...
8:08pm
(dh)
I was tasked with plugging my laptop into a VLAN (an active port on a switch), doing a discovery scan of all active hosts, and determining which ports, protocols, and services are being used on each host. There are 65535 ports on each host and I have to figure out what protocols and services are being used on all active ports for each host. Does that make sense? I tend to speak in terms that make people's eyes roll make in their heads and then they go to sleep.
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8:10pm
(single ladie)
Hehe...yes, that makes a tiny bit of sense. I find that crap kinda fascinating but I just can't always make sense out of it.
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8:12pm
(dh)
I'm a geek.
I'm a hacker, but you have to be a geek first, so sorry.
Also sorry to hear that you are dealing with the same type of bug we have had wreaking havok on our family.
Best wishes and good health to you all.
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8:13pm
(single ladie)
You're not a geek. Lol.
I hope you all have a speedy recovery
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8:19pm
(dh)
Geek or not, I love hacking computers, again.
Likewise. Thank you.
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8:21pm
(single ladie)
So you've found a renewed love for your job? That's great news!
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8:23pm
(dh)
Thanks. It just kind'a snuck up on me.
I happen to be good at it and I can do things that no one else in the MDA can do.
That's why I get tasks like the one I was describing. Because there isn't anyone else that can figure it out. I've already got it in the bag.
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8:25pm
(single ladie)
That's awesome. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that you're the best at your job. That's how I felt about my job at Qwest.
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8:26pm
(dh)
I bet you kicked ass at (her job)
You are an awesome chick; Brains and Beauty. What is there that you can't do?
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8:27pm
(single lady)
Haha thanks
um...I can't seem to stay married for very long.
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8:29pm
(DH)
Do you really need to, though? Maybe you are better off without the "better half"...
So called 'better half', that is....
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8:30pm
(single lady)
Idk, I go back and forth about it all the time. Being single definitely has its perks. I'm totally free to come and go as I choose. No drama to put up with. But it can get incredibly lonely.
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8:32pm
(DH)
Maybe a **** buddy is what you need. Someone that can satisfy the urge to be with someone, but without the drama and deep seated feelings. Just wondering...
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8:34pm
(single lady)
Even that gets complicated though. It's hard to be intimate with someone and not eventually develop feelings for them.
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8:40pm
(DH)
Well, it does get tricky.
I have learned a lot about not getting emotionally tied to anyone.
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8:44pm
(single lady)
Usually harder for a girl too...lol
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8:44pm
(DH)
Why?
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8:45pm
(single lady)
We tend to be more emotional. About almost everything.
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8:47pm
(DH)
So that's why I can't figure Chicks out!
Damn, but I try.
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8:47pm
(single lady)
at least you try
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8:48pm
(DH)
I try because I want to make them cum like they have never cum before.
(Did I just type that out loud?)
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8:49pm
(single lady)
Lmao...yes, I'm pretty sure you did.
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8:56pm
(DH)
Sorry about that...
Just speaking my mind.
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8:57pm
(single lady)
No need to apologize. I like that we can be so candid with each other
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9:02pm
(DH)
Me, too.
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9:27pm
(single lady)
Sweet dreams my friend.
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9:47pm
(DH)
Good night and dream the dreams you imagine when you are awake.
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November 27
1:16pm
(single lady)
How's work?
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November 27
5:33pm
(DH)
Non-productive is how I would describe, today.
A lot of work, but nothing really accomplished.
I wasn't allowed to use some of the scripts that I created because no one really knows what they do. The code has to go through a code review before they will let me use them. So, I did things the hard way and got nowhere. Oh well, It's the government's money. I don't mind getting paid for non-productivity.
Overall, it was a good work day. Next, I have to go to the store on my way home.
How was your day?
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November 27
8:42pm
(single lady)
My day is almost over. I've been playing nurse all day
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9:23pm
(single lady)
My favorite place to work is the heart hosp. But tonight was a pretty cool experience too.
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10:32pm
(single lady)
Finally home. Well, kinda. I'm at my mother's house. She kept the kids for me tonight so I could go to clinical. So I'm sitting out in her game room waiting for the heater to do its thing. xxx and xxx are asleep in the guest room. (single lady's kid)is asleep on the couch. There's not much room for me. Lol
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10:33pm
(single lady)
I'd much rather be in my bed in my own house!
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December 1
8:22pm
(single lady)
How's your weekend going?
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December 2
7:51pm
(DH)
It's been rolling along.
Getting ready for christmas; cleaning, organizing, decorating, etc...
How is your weekend treating you?
...
Tuesday
11:48am
(single lady)
How's your day going?
...
Tuesday
4:21pm
(DH)
Like jumping head first into a raging river and being swept away.
How's your day?
...
6:00pm
(single lady)
Is that a good thing? Or bad.
I rocked my dosage Calc test. But bombed the Kaplan test.
So my day has been pretty ****ty.
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6:38pm
(DH)
It's good in the sense that the day seems to fly by. It's just my way of explaining how it feels to show up at work.
Good job on your dosage calc test. Do you get to do the (work related)test, again?
Cheer up! A ****ty day can be cured be remembering just how gorgeous and ****ing awesome you truly are.
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6:39pm
(single lady)
You're sweet
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6:39pm
(DH)
I like the profile pic, by the way. You really do look gorgeous.
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6:39pm
(single lady)
I'll have to do remediation for the Kaplan. It's not anything that goes on my transcript.
Thanks!
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6:41pm
(my dh)
So, you do the rememdiation, kick ass at it next time, and move on.
You'll do just fine. You're smart and you know it, so relax.
Damn, I can't seem to spell, tonite....
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8:08pm
(single lady)
Just finished my last clinical for this semester
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Wednesday
5:52pm
(single lady)
Whatcha up to this evening?

*Further explanation:
We've been together for 15 yrs. We have 4 kids.
The chic he nailed from FB, that's more complicated. We went thru a 'need to spice up our marriage' phase. He found someone for me, and then someone for himself. We each went off and did our thing. When I was done with mine, it was over. When he had done his thing it morphed into some sort of emotional thing with constant texts back and forth, pet names, etc. I confronted her and put a stop to that part, and he said that she 'sucked him in'.
He also ended up getting REALLY jealous of me and my piece, accusing me of doing stuff when I wasn't. He even set up recording equipment to try and 'catch' me. He still claims to this day that there is evidence of me doing stuff on the tape even though I didn't, and I can't hear anything when I listen to it.
I thought that we had gotten over that, but he keeps striking up these 'friendships' online. Whenever I confront him about it he gets mad at me and says @#$%& like: so I'm not allowed to have friends?! Or 'It's not like I'm going to DO anything, she lived in XXX!"
It doesn't seem to matter that I tell him that this @#$%& hurts me.

I have had some health problems that have caused me to put on a bit of weight. I try to take care of myself in every other way and he says he thinks I'm hot and he is still affectionate with me physically.
So, I hope that fleshes out the picture.
Thanx for taking the time to wade through my drama.:confused:
 

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Ah, what a nice can of worms you've got going. That little bit at the end, that's your major problem. Who's idea was that? (Opening up your marriage)
 

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There is just a tiny step from this to full blown PA.
Chats like this lead my wife to believe it's OK to cheat.
If you don't like it, you don't like it. And if he can't respect that, you need to tell him you are not compatible with each other and need to split. Otherwise... Slippery slope.
 

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You should not be posting her children's names on an open internet forum. My thoughts other than that... You reap what you sow. You told him it was ok to be with someone else, and now you're taking that away. You've already go en infidelity the stamp of approval.
Is he having an affair, yes.blame****ing? Yes.
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You should not be posting her children's names on an open internet forum. My thoughts other than that... You reap what you sow. You told him it was ok to be with someone else, and now you're taking that away. You've already go en infidelity the stamp of approval.
Is he having an affair, yes.blame****ing? Yes.
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Sorry about that, I thought I had edited out all the names, but apparently I missed one. I'll go back and see if I can edit that out.
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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
You should not be posting her children's names on an open internet forum. My thoughts other than that... You reap what you sow. You told him it was ok to be with someone else, and now you're taking that away. You've already go en infidelity the stamp of approval.
Is he having an affair, yes.blame****ing? Yes.
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Sorry about that, I thought I had edited out all the names, but apparently I missed one. I'll go back and see if I can edit that out.
Our little experiment was almost a year ago and I seeing as it caused problems, we had both agreed that we wouldn't be doing that again.
Unfortunately, he doesnt think he is doing anything wrong even though I told him it hurts me and sent him links about emotional affairs and explained why it's not cool with me.
When I asked a gf of mine about it, she said it sounds like I made a deal with the devil.
Now I just don't know where to go from here.
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Ah, what a nice can of worms you've got going. That little bit at the end, that's your major problem. Who's idea was that? (Opening up your marriage)
It was mostly his. I didn't have any relationships with other men that I am close enough/familiar enough to hook up with, so he found a friend of his to boink me. He actually invited the guy to stay with us for a few weeks! All of this left me completely shocked when he turned all jealous suddenly and kicked the guy out.
I have only spoken/texted him a couple of times since to see if he made it home okay, and to wish him well. That's it. I never had feelings for the guy at all ( he was an incredibly lousy lay, and kind of a loser). I just feel so stupid and dirty for going along with it and can't understand what dh still holds against me about it when it was his ****Ing idea and he set it up!!! What did I do?
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It was mostly his. I didn't have any relationships with other men that I am close enough/familiar enough to hook up with, so he found a friend of his to boink me. He actually invited the guy to stay with us for a few weeks! All of this left me completely shocked when he turned all jealous suddenly and kicked the guy out.
I have only spoken/texted him a couple of times since to see if he made it home okay, and to wish him well. That's it. I never had feelings for the guy at all ( he was an incredibly lousy lay, and kind of a loser). I just feel so stupid and dirty for going along with it and can't understand what dh still holds against me about it when it was his ****Ing idea and he set it up!!! What did I do?
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Nothing, you are innocent as a newborn babe. :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Nothing, you are innocent as a newborn babe. :D
Not saying that.
The facts: We thought swinging would be fun.
We both found out that we were too jealous to handle it.
We both cut of ties with the 'other'.
Agreements were made that we won't do that anymore.
Okay, do over, fresh slate.
So far so good.
A few months later dh starts getting too friendly with a female FB friend.
I object, saying 'Hey, I think that's breaking the rules! Please quit.'
Dh says he doesn't think that it's anything, that Im over reacting.
So I sent her a msg asking her to stop or I will send copies of the chats to her dh.
She appologized to be and delete/blocks my dh.
I tell dh about it saying that if what they were doing was innocent, why was she afraid her dh would find out?
At that point, I thought he understood. I sent him info on EA's thinking maybe he just needed a bit of education on what those were and why those bother me.
Then I happen to see this stuff .
I'm
Hurt that he continues to do this after I asked him to quit.
Not gonna say I'm inoccent. Just that since our mutual swinging episode I have been squeaky clean because I don't want to be a source of pain for the person I love. That's why all that stuff was a mistake. I don't understand why he persists in going to other women to get his emotional needs met, even when I have told him that it hurts me.
I don't want to divorce him. I just want him to stop this so we can go back to what we were before our stupid experiment.
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Well, that's the trouble. You can't go back in time, only forward while dealing with the situation at hand.

If you are uncomfortable with his chats, tell him and react on his actions. If he refuses to give it up, you need to enforce boundaries with consequences.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
So do I deserve this because I had agreed to the original episode?
Is he somehow justified? I didn't count the sex part as cheating (on either side) because the sex was part of the agreement.
When we were deciding to do this we had both agreed that the physical was fine, but that gettIng emotionally attached was not. I was surprised (foolishly so) that he ended up getting wrapped up emotionally with this other person.
I feel like what I'm hearing here is that I brought this on myself. Maybe I did. Doesn't make it hurt any less. The addition of bitter regret to this emotional sess pool may be making it worse. IDK.
He and I have been best friends for the majority of our marriage.
In 2008 we both left a very strict religion together and thought it would be fun to try some stuff we had fantisized about now that we no longer had the rules of that religion governing our lives. It was supposed to be something we did together and he used to confide in/compliment/support me.
Now he spends his time with these other 'friends'.
I really am stupid.
I haven't confronted him on the latest one b/c I now know it will end in a fight. I am just saving the convos till I figure out what to do.
I am also making an appointment with a therapist for me. I need some support in figuring out how to deal with this.
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This is a chat I pulled of my dh FB tonight and it has me a bit upset for several reasons: first- this is what he does to relax after work. Sits around and drink and chats up some chick he used to like from his old hometown instead of spending time with me and our kids. Second- he has ****ed someone from his FB friends and got really emotionally wrapped up in her.(it's more complicated than it sound, I'll explain at the end of this post) This was last year. Third- I had to tell a married chick he was involved with online that if she didn't quit, I would send transcripts of their chats to her dh. She defriended/blocked him and apologized to me.
When I told dh about it, and how she was aware that what was happening was inappropriate, he still denies that he is doing anything wrong and I'm just being paranoid and jealous and just don't want him to have female friends.
I don't know how to explain this to him in any other way. So I have come to you all for help.
The below convo is just a portion of the whole thread. Please tell me, am I really overreacting? Would anyone here be cool with the below exchange if it was their SO?


(dh)
Doing well. Work gives me more than I can get done in a day (or week) and the family is getting over the seasonal stomach flu that flies through every year at about this time.
I'm working an automated method of enumerating network segments without being detected so that I can satisfy a CTO at work. It's one of many things I do best.
...
8:03pm
(single woman)
Sorry you guys have the stomach bug. We're dealing with the same thing at my house.
enumerating network segments...Idk what that means exactly.
Is it a way of finding out info about the network? Or are you looking for some specific piece of info?
...
8:08pm
(dh)
I was tasked with plugging my laptop into a VLAN (an active port on a switch), doing a discovery scan of all active hosts, and determining which ports, protocols, and services are being used on each host. There are 65535 ports on each host and I have to figure out what protocols and services are being used on all active ports for each host. Does that make sense? I tend to speak in terms that make people's eyes roll make in their heads and then they go to sleep.
...
8:10pm
(single ladie)
Hehe...yes, that makes a tiny bit of sense. I find that crap kinda fascinating but I just can't always make sense out of it.
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8:12pm
(dh)
I'm a geek.
I'm a hacker, but you have to be a geek first, so sorry.
Also sorry to hear that you are dealing with the same type of bug we have had wreaking havok on our family.
Best wishes and good health to you all.
...
8:13pm
(single ladie)
You're not a geek. Lol.
I hope you all have a speedy recovery
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8:19pm
(dh)
Geek or not, I love hacking computers, again.
Likewise. Thank you.
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8:21pm
(single ladie)
So you've found a renewed love for your job? That's great news!
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8:23pm
(dh)
Thanks. It just kind'a snuck up on me.
I happen to be good at it and I can do things that no one else in the MDA can do.
That's why I get tasks like the one I was describing. Because there isn't anyone else that can figure it out. I've already got it in the bag.
...
8:25pm
(single ladie)
That's awesome. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that you're the best at your job. That's how I felt about my job at Qwest.
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8:26pm
(dh)
I bet you kicked ass at (her job)
You are an awesome chick; Brains and Beauty. What is there that you can't do?
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8:27pm
(single lady)
Haha thanks
um...I can't seem to stay married for very long.
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8:29pm
(DH)
Do you really need to, though? Maybe you are better off without the "better half"...
So called 'better half', that is....
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8:30pm
(single lady)
Idk, I go back and forth about it all the time. Being single definitely has its perks. I'm totally free to come and go as I choose. No drama to put up with. But it can get incredibly lonely.
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8:32pm
(DH)
Maybe a **** buddy is what you need. Someone that can satisfy the urge to be with someone, but without the drama and deep seated feelings. Just wondering...
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8:34pm
(single lady)
Even that gets complicated though. It's hard to be intimate with someone and not eventually develop feelings for them.
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8:40pm
(DH)
Well, it does get tricky.
I have learned a lot about not getting emotionally tied to anyone.
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8:44pm
(single lady)
Usually harder for a girl too...lol
...
8:44pm
(DH)
Why?
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8:45pm
(single lady)
We tend to be more emotional. About almost everything.
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8:47pm
(DH)
So that's why I can't figure Chicks out!
Damn, but I try.
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8:47pm
(single lady)
at least you try
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8:48pm
(DH)
I try because I want to make them cum like they have never cum before.
(Did I just type that out loud?)
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8:49pm
(single lady)
Lmao...yes, I'm pretty sure you did.
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8:56pm
(DH)
Sorry about that...
Just speaking my mind.
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8:57pm
(single lady)
No need to apologize. I like that we can be so candid with each other
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9:02pm
(DH)
Me, too.
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9:27pm
(single lady)
Sweet dreams my friend.
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9:47pm
(DH)
Good night and dream the dreams you imagine when you are awake.
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November 27
1:16pm
(single lady)
How's work?
...
November 27
5:33pm
(DH)
Non-productive is how I would describe, today.
A lot of work, but nothing really accomplished.
I wasn't allowed to use some of the scripts that I created because no one really knows what they do. The code has to go through a code review before they will let me use them. So, I did things the hard way and got nowhere. Oh well, It's the government's money. I don't mind getting paid for non-productivity.
Overall, it was a good work day. Next, I have to go to the store on my way home.
How was your day?
...
November 27
8:42pm
(single lady)
My day is almost over. I've been playing nurse all day
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9:23pm
(single lady)
My favorite place to work is the heart hosp. But tonight was a pretty cool experience too.
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10:32pm
(single lady)
Finally home. Well, kinda. I'm at my mother's house. She kept the kids for me tonight so I could go to clinical. So I'm sitting out in her game room waiting for the heater to do its thing. Sierra and Isaiah are asleep in the guest room. (single lady's kid)is asleep on the couch. There's not much room for me. Lol
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10:33pm
(single lady)
I'd much rather be in my bed in my own house!
...
December 1
8:22pm
(single lady)
How's your weekend going?
...
December 2
7:51pm
(DH)
It's been rolling along.
Getting ready for christmas; cleaning, organizing, decorating, etc...
How is your weekend treating you?
...
Tuesday
11:48am
(single lady)
How's your day going?
...
Tuesday
4:21pm
(DH)
Like jumping head first into a raging river and being swept away.
How's your day?
...
6:00pm
(single lady)
Is that a good thing? Or bad.
I rocked my dosage Calc test. But bombed the Kaplan test.
So my day has been pretty ****ty.
...
6:38pm
(DH)
It's good in the sense that the day seems to fly by. It's just my way of explaining how it feels to show up at work.
Good job on your dosage calc test. Do you get to do the (work related)test, again?
Cheer up! A ****ty day can be cured be remembering just how gorgeous and ****ing awesome you truly are.
...
6:39pm
(single lady)
You're sweet
...
6:39pm
(DH)
I like the profile pic, by the way. You really do look gorgeous.
...
6:39pm
(single lady)
I'll have to do remediation for the Kaplan. It's not anything that goes on my transcript.
Thanks!
...
6:41pm
(my dh)
So, you do the rememdiation, kick ass at it next time, and move on.
You'll do just fine. You're smart and you know it, so relax.
Damn, I can't seem to spell, tonite....
...
8:08pm
(single lady)
Just finished my last clinical for this semester
...
Wednesday
5:52pm
(single lady)
Whatcha up to this evening?

*Further explanation:
We've been together for 15 yrs. We have 4 kids.
The chic he nailed from FB, that's more complicated. We went thru a 'need to spice up our marriage' phase. He found someone for me, and then someone for himself. We each went off and did our thing. When I was done with mine, it was over. When he had done his thing it morphed into some sort of emotional thing with constant texts back and forth, pet names, etc. I confronted her and put a stop to that part, and he said that she 'sucked him in'.
He also ended up getting REALLY jealous of me and my piece, accusing me of doing stuff when I wasn't. He even set up recording equipment to try and 'catch' me. He still claims to this day that there is evidence of me doing stuff on the tape even though I didn't, and I can't hear anything when I listen to it.
I thought that we had gotten over that, but he keeps striking up these 'friendships' online. Whenever I confront him about it he gets mad at me and says @#$%& like: so I'm not allowed to have friends?! Or 'It's not like I'm going to DO anything, she lived in XXX!"
It doesn't seem to matter that I tell him that this @#$%& hurts me.

I have had some health problems that have caused me to put on a bit of weight. I try to take care of myself in every other way and he says he thinks I'm hot and he is still affectionate with me physically.
So, I hope that fleshes out the picture.
Thanx for taking the time to wade through my drama.:confused:

I was gonna say GIRLLLLLL at 8:40 Hubby went straight for CONQUER.... until I read

The chic he nailed from FB, that's more complicated. We went thru a 'need to spice up our marriage' phase. He found someone for me, and then someone for himself. We each went off and did our thing. When I was done with mine, it was over. When he had done his thing it morphed into some sort of emotional thing with constant texts back and forth, pet names, etc. I confronted her and put a stop to that part, and he said that she 'sucked him in'

My question is - Once you've violated your marriage vows and violated your bed/hotel bed/the bed you laid in while marriage to each other- - - How do you come back to just a normal monogamous marriage? Also, can his facebook conversation surprise you once those type of lines have been crossed where you can go pick yours and he can go pick his..... Sounds like he never stopped his behavior and his next conquest is Single lady that has some time to kill if she drop the kids off at her mama house.
 

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This is a chat I pulled of my dh FB tonight and it has me a bit upset for several reasons: first- this is what he does to relax after work. Sits around and drink and chats up some chick he used to like from his old hometown instead of spending time with me and our kids. Second- he has ****ed someone from his FB friends and got really emotionally wrapped up in her.(it's more complicated than it sound, I'll explain at the end of this post) This was last year. Third- I had to tell a married chick he was involved with online that if she didn't quit, I would send transcripts of their chats to her dh. She defriended/blocked him and apologized to me.
When I told dh about it, and how she was aware that what was happening was inappropriate, he still denies that he is doing anything wrong and I'm just being paranoid and jealous and just don't want him to have female friends.
I don't know how to explain this to him in any other way. So I have come to you all for help.
The below convo is just a portion of the whole thread. Please tell me, am I really overreacting? Would anyone here be cool with the below exchange if it was their SO?


(dh)
Doing well. Work gives me more than I can get done in a day (or week) and the family is getting over the seasonal stomach flu that flies through every year at about this time.
I'm working an automated method of enumerating network segments without being detected so that I can satisfy a CTO at work. It's one of many things I do best.
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8:03pm
(single woman)
Sorry you guys have the stomach bug. We're dealing with the same thing at my house.
enumerating network segments...Idk what that means exactly.
Is it a way of finding out info about the network? Or are you looking for some specific piece of info?
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8:08pm
(dh)
I was tasked with plugging my laptop into a VLAN (an active port on a switch), doing a discovery scan of all active hosts, and determining which ports, protocols, and services are being used on each host. There are 65535 ports on each host and I have to figure out what protocols and services are being used on all active ports for each host. Does that make sense? I tend to speak in terms that make people's eyes roll make in their heads and then they go to sleep.
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8:10pm
(single ladie)
Hehe...yes, that makes a tiny bit of sense. I find that crap kinda fascinating but I just can't always make sense out of it.
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8:12pm
(dh)
I'm a geek.
I'm a hacker, but you have to be a geek first, so sorry.
Also sorry to hear that you are dealing with the same type of bug we have had wreaking havok on our family.
Best wishes and good health to you all.
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8:13pm
(single ladie)
You're not a geek. Lol.
I hope you all have a speedy recovery
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8:19pm
(dh)
Geek or not, I love hacking computers, again.
Likewise. Thank you.
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8:21pm
(single ladie)
So you've found a renewed love for your job? That's great news!
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8:23pm
(dh)
Thanks. It just kind'a snuck up on me.
I happen to be good at it and I can do things that no one else in the MDA can do.
That's why I get tasks like the one I was describing. Because there isn't anyone else that can figure it out. I've already got it in the bag.
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8:25pm
(single ladie)
That's awesome. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that you're the best at your job. That's how I felt about my job at Qwest.
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8:26pm
(dh)
I bet you kicked ass at (her job)
You are an awesome chick; Brains and Beauty. What is there that you can't do?
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8:27pm
(single lady)
Haha thanks
um...I can't seem to stay married for very long.
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8:29pm
(DH)
Do you really need to, though? Maybe you are better off without the "better half"...
So called 'better half', that is....
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8:30pm
(single lady)
Idk, I go back and forth about it all the time. Being single definitely has its perks. I'm totally free to come and go as I choose. No drama to put up with. But it can get incredibly lonely.
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8:32pm
(DH)
Maybe a **** buddy is what you need. Someone that can satisfy the urge to be with someone, but without the drama and deep seated feelings. Just wondering...
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8:34pm
(single lady)
Even that gets complicated though. It's hard to be intimate with someone and not eventually develop feelings for them.
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8:40pm
(DH)
Well, it does get tricky.
I have learned a lot about not getting emotionally tied to anyone.
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8:44pm
(single lady)
Usually harder for a girl too...lol
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8:44pm
(DH)
Why?
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8:45pm
(single lady)
We tend to be more emotional. About almost everything.
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8:47pm
(DH)
So that's why I can't figure Chicks out!
Damn, but I try.
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8:47pm
(single lady)
at least you try
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8:48pm
(DH)
I try because I want to make them cum like they have never cum before.
(Did I just type that out loud?)
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8:49pm
(single lady)
Lmao...yes, I'm pretty sure you did.
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8:56pm
(DH)
Sorry about that...
Just speaking my mind.
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8:57pm
(single lady)
No need to apologize. I like that we can be so candid with each other
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9:02pm
(DH)
Me, too.
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9:27pm
(single lady)
Sweet dreams my friend.
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9:47pm
(DH)
Good night and dream the dreams you imagine when you are awake.
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November 27
1:16pm
(single lady)
How's work?
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November 27
5:33pm
(DH)
Non-productive is how I would describe, today.
A lot of work, but nothing really accomplished.
I wasn't allowed to use some of the scripts that I created because no one really knows what they do. The code has to go through a code review before they will let me use them. So, I did things the hard way and got nowhere. Oh well, It's the government's money. I don't mind getting paid for non-productivity.
Overall, it was a good work day. Next, I have to go to the store on my way home.
How was your day?
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November 27
8:42pm
(single lady)
My day is almost over. I've been playing nurse all day
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9:23pm
(single lady)
My favorite place to work is the heart hosp. But tonight was a pretty cool experience too.
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10:32pm
(single lady)
Finally home. Well, kinda. I'm at my mother's house. She kept the kids for me tonight so I could go to clinical. So I'm sitting out in her game room waiting for the heater to do its thing. Sierra and Isaiah are asleep in the guest room. (single lady's kid)is asleep on the couch. There's not much room for me. Lol
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10:33pm
(single lady)
I'd much rather be in my bed in my own house!
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December 1
8:22pm
(single lady)
How's your weekend going?
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December 2
7:51pm
(DH)
It's been rolling along.
Getting ready for christmas; cleaning, organizing, decorating, etc...
How is your weekend treating you?
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Tuesday
11:48am
(single lady)
How's your day going?
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Tuesday
4:21pm
(DH)
Like jumping head first into a raging river and being swept away.
How's your day?
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6:00pm
(single lady)
Is that a good thing? Or bad.
I rocked my dosage Calc test. But bombed the Kaplan test.
So my day has been pretty ****ty.
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6:38pm
(DH)
It's good in the sense that the day seems to fly by. It's just my way of explaining how it feels to show up at work.
Good job on your dosage calc test. Do you get to do the (work related)test, again?
Cheer up! A ****ty day can be cured be remembering just how gorgeous and ****ing awesome you truly are.
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6:39pm
(single lady)
You're sweet
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6:39pm
(DH)
I like the profile pic, by the way. You really do look gorgeous.
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6:39pm
(single lady)
I'll have to do remediation for the Kaplan. It's not anything that goes on my transcript.
Thanks!
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6:41pm
(my dh)
So, you do the rememdiation, kick ass at it next time, and move on.
You'll do just fine. You're smart and you know it, so relax.
Damn, I can't seem to spell, tonite....
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8:08pm
(single lady)
Just finished my last clinical for this semester
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Wednesday
5:52pm
(single lady)
Whatcha up to this evening?

*Further explanation:
We've been together for 15 yrs. We have 4 kids.
The chic he nailed from FB, that's more complicated. We went thru a 'need to spice up our marriage' phase. He found someone for me, and then someone for himself. We each went off and did our thing. When I was done with mine, it was over. When he had done his thing it morphed into some sort of emotional thing with constant texts back and forth, pet names, etc. I confronted her and put a stop to that part, and he said that she 'sucked him in'.
He also ended up getting REALLY jealous of me and my piece, accusing me of doing stuff when I wasn't. He even set up recording equipment to try and 'catch' me. He still claims to this day that there is evidence of me doing stuff on the tape even though I didn't, and I can't hear anything when I listen to it.
I thought that we had gotten over that, but he keeps striking up these 'friendships' online. Whenever I confront him about it he gets mad at me and says @#$%& like: so I'm not allowed to have friends?! Or 'It's not like I'm going to DO anything, she lived in XXX!"
It doesn't seem to matter that I tell him that this @#$%& hurts me.

I have had some health problems that have caused me to put on a bit of weight. I try to take care of myself in every other way and he says he thinks I'm hot and he is still affectionate with me physically.
So, I hope that fleshes out the picture.
Thanx for taking the time to wade through my drama.:confused:

He was not just jealous. He was trying to catch you because of the dirt he continued to do. So catching you doing the same dirt he was doing would justify why he could continue. Since he didnt find anything, he just continued to do his dirt anyway. Please prepare yourself if you find out he has been with a number of women sexually since then.
 

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So do I deserve this because I had agreed to the original episode?
Is he somehow justified? I didn't count the sex part as cheating (on either side) because the sex was part of the agreement.
When we were deciding to do this we had both agreed that the physical was fine, but that gettIng emotionally attached was not. I was surprised (foolishly so) that he ended up getting wrapped up emotionally with this other person.
I feel like what I'm hearing here is that I brought this on myself. Maybe I did. Doesn't make it hurt any less. The addition of bitter regret to this emotional sess pool may be making it worse. IDK.
He and I have been best friends for the majority of our marriage.
In 2008 we both left a very strict religion together and thought it would be fun to try some stuff we had fantisized about now that we no longer had the rules of that religion governing our lives. It was supposed to be something we did together and he used to confide in/compliment/support me.
Now he spends his time with these other 'friends'.
I really am stupid.
I haven't confronted him on the latest one b/c I now know it will end in a fight. I am just saving the convos till I figure out what to do.
I am also making an appointment with a therapist for me. I need some support in figuring out how to deal with this.
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Lily HUN, when couples "spice it up" it doesnt have to be with other people. It is suppose to be with each other. Role play, buy a wig, be the lady that sneaks in the house and pleasures hubby before wife get home... type ROLE PLAY.. it doesnt have to be an actual person outside the home... so although what he is doing is not right... yes, HE may feel justified due to no relationship barriers- - because the main one was broken... how do you come back to normal after that.

But I'm sorry you are going through this. No one deserves to be hurt or blindsided or lied to as if the behavior was suppose to cease when u did but he didnt.
 

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So do I deserve this because I had agreed to the original episode?
Is he somehow justified? I didn't count the sex part as cheating (on either side) because the sex was part of the agreement.
When we were deciding to do this we had both agreed that the physical was fine, but that gettIng emotionally attached was not. I was surprised (foolishly so) that he ended up getting wrapped up emotionally with this other person.
I feel like what I'm hearing here is that I brought this on myself. Maybe I did. Doesn't make it hurt any less. The addition of bitter regret to this emotional sess pool may be making it worse. IDK.
He and I have been best friends for the majority of our marriage.
In 2008 we both left a very strict religion together and thought it would be fun to try some stuff we had fantisized about now that we no longer had the rules of that religion governing our lives. It was supposed to be something we did together and he used to confide in/compliment/support me.
Now he spends his time with these other 'friends'.
I really am stupid.
I haven't confronted him on the latest one b/c I now know it will end in a fight. I am just saving the convos till I figure out what to do.
I am also making an appointment with a therapist for me. I need some support in figuring out how to deal with this.
Posted via Mobile Device
It's not that you deserve to be cheated on.

However your poor choices have created the situation where your husband now no longer views being faithful as something that includes not talking about sex with other women, and not even having sex with other women,

He is now operating under the idea that so long as he comes home at the end, and pays the bills, that its ok for him to cheat.

And yes, your going outside to have sex with a stranger did open that door because it completely devalued you to him. His letting you do that showed he didn't value you or your faithfulness sexually. The fact you were able to have sex with ths other guy also said loud and clear to your husband that he can be easily replaced in your bed without any emotional struggle on your part.

In essence the two of you showed one another that you aren't exclusively valued sexually as partners. And that is a key element of the marriage bond that makes the two of you different from any random set of men and women.

Like wise, you letting him have a sexual relationship with another woman showed him that you do not value him as much either.

So now you are living in a one sided open marriage.

And your husband doesn't value you enough as his partner to be with only you, because he now knows you will share him.
 

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I am not sure she violated any marriage vows.

I know my vows did not address sex in any way. Probably hers did not either.

Everything she did was with her WH knowledge, consent, and encouragement.

No violation or betrayal there.

She said he found someone for her and then found someone for him and they both went off and did there own thing.....:scratchhead:
I know I read that somewhere but let me be sure... going off doing your own thing is VIOLATION
 

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*Further explanation:
We've been together for 15 yrs. We have 4 kids.
The chic he nailed from FB, that's more complicated. We went thru a 'need to spice up our marriage' phase. He found someone for me, and then someone for himself. We each went off and did our thing. When I was done with mine, it was over. When he had done his thing it morphed into some sort of emotional thing with constant texts back and forth, pet names, etc. I confronted her and put a stop to that part, and he said that she 'sucked him in'.
He also ended up getting REALLY jealous of me and my piece, accusing me of doing stuff when I wasn't. He even set up recording equipment to try and 'catch' me. He still claims to this day that there is evidence of me doing stuff on the tape even though I didn't, and I can't hear anything when I listen to it.
I thought that we had gotten over that, but he keeps striking up these 'friendships' online. Whenever I confront him about it he gets mad at me and says @#$%& like: so I'm not allowed to have friends?! Or 'It's not like I'm going to DO anything, she lived in XXX!"
It doesn't seem to matter that I tell him that this @#$%& hurts me.

I have had some health problems that have caused me to put on a bit of weight. I try to take care of myself in every other way and he says he thinks I'm hot and he is still affectionate with me physically.
So, I hope that fleshes out the picture.
Thanx for taking the time to wade through my drama.:confused:


Yes, they both violated- (OMG- let me clarify LORD HAVE MERCY-- are you serious right now )

Violation doesnt have to be just spouse. When you saw vows its not to just each other. It is to GOD as well- -
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I also thought that the openness/consent = no vows broken. I don't consider the woman he had sex with as cheating. Once they started texting back and forth constantly and using pet names for each other-that's when it crossed the line. He agreed! And he apologized, and quit contacting her.

Also, he found someone for me and arranged for him to stay with us. I do not have any guy friends/acquaintances/co-worker/etc. that I am familiar enough with to have any kind of relationship with, EA or PA. Sometimes I wish I did b/c it would be nice to have someone who makes me feel like I am something special, because I feel pretty damn worthless right now.

I get that the whole thing was a terrible idea, that we seriously wounded our relationship, that these things don't ever go the way ppl think they will....I knew all that last March.

I was naive to think that agreeing to the tryst wouldn't change what I thought was a bullet proof marriage...

So keep up with the scourging ppl. I'm not sure what I thought I would find here, but I had hoped it would be more than being told I did a stupid thing that has ****ed up my marriage-I didn't need to waste bandwidth to figure that out.

And for the ppl *****ing about the ladies kids names-I didn't do that on purpose, and admin helped me out by xing them out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Yes, they both violated- (OMG- let me clarify LORD HAVE MERCY-- are you serious right now )

Violation doesnt have to be just spouse. When you saw vows its not to just each other. It is to GOD as well- -

Neither of us believe in god(s) anymore. Please don't say that that is part of our problem because I think we both know plenty of religious ppl who have marriage issues brought on by stupid choices, and I know dozens of atheists who have great marriages and who don't choose this kind of idiotic experimentation.
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