After being on this forum for awhile, I have come to the realization maybe we were all too good? We trusted too much and our WS's ran with that and took advantage of it. I dunno... Looking back I feel like I gave him too much freedom, let him go out with his friends without question. I was just too easy to cheat on. Maybe I should have made him more accountable in this family? Just thinking out loud! :scratchhead:
I agree, and I did the same, and I feel the same as you.
In one book on infidelity I remember a case history reported in which a doctor who was cheating on his loyal loving very unsuspiscious supportive wife, actually admitted in counseling that his wife made it "too darn easy to cheat".
Also, recent university studies on "mate guarding" a nice way to say suspiscious and posessive and watchful of the spouse's free time, are cheated on faaaaar less, than spouses that give their spouse too much freedom for Boys or girls nights out or men or girl's only trips.
My brothers used to warn me too, that I was giving my spouse too much freedom.
Still, I do think that there has to be some character flaw in the cheater for them to take advantage of a loving easygoing spouse, and think it is okay.
Also, perhaps some of the personality disordered cheaters actually pick a naive, easy going spouse knowing they eventually intend to cheat and are hoping it will be easier to get away with it.
The mate gaurding research flies in the face or earlier claims that being too posessive will drive a mate away.
I think, in my case, following that advice, was partially enabled my STBEH to cheat.