It's a sad state of affairs when we have to use a term like "trust too much." Seems trust should be an absolute, but it's just not. What percentage of trust is appropriate?
It's a sad state of affairs when we have to use a term like "trust too much." Seems trust should be an absolute, but it's just not. What percentage of trust is appropriate?After being on this forum for awhile, I have come to the realization maybe we were all too good? We trusted too much and our WS's ran with that and took advantage of it. I dunno... Looking back I feel like I gave him too much freedom, let him go out with his friends without question. I was just too easy to cheat on. Maybe I should have made him more accountable in this family? Just thinking out loud! :scratchhead:
You're totally right. We're supposed to trust our spouse, but looking at all of us on here... I dunno know anymore.It's a sad state of affairs when we have to use a term like "trust too much." Seems trust should be an absolute, but it's just not. What percentage of trust is appropriate?
Lets look at it this way, if you had curtailed his freedom and had held him accountable, he still could've used the reason that you were controlling to justify his affair.After being on this forum for awhile, I have come to the realization maybe we were all too good? We trusted too much and our WS's ran with that and took advantage of it. I dunno... Looking back I feel like I gave him too much freedom, let him go out with his friends without question. I was just too easy to cheat on. Maybe I should have made him more accountable in this family? Just thinking out loud! :scratchhead:
That's exactly right. Why would you marry someone if you didn't feel you could trust them completely?We're supposed to trust our spouses because that's what married people are supposed to do. It's sad that the WS takes advantage of it and do what they do, leaving us betrayed spouses with issues of ever trusting anyone again. Sad.
When my wife had her affair I was shattered and blamed her 100%.We're supposed to trust our spouses because that's what married people are supposed to do. It's sad that the WS takes advantage of it and do what they do, leaving us betrayed spouses with issues of ever trusting anyone again. Sad.
wow..right there with you Joe on this one.I wouldn't say I was too good. More like indifferent. Not hard to sneak something by someone who doesn't even acknowledge your existence.
Exactly right.I think the majority of people get married and plan to stay faithful to their spouse. Not trusting that your husband or wife will remain faithful to you for the life of your marriage doesn't usually enter your mind; at least it didn't in mine. My STBX and I had the "model" marriage. We really did have things together at one time. Put each other first and we had the us against the world thinking. Before we knew it though, we had stopped working on the marriage.
I know for a fact-because he told me-that he did not set out to have an inappropriate relationship with anyone. Our marriage was fracturing and she was there to listen to him so he shut me out.
I think with all relationships, marriage or even dating exclusively is a leap of faith. Moving forward, I know I have a new awareness of what can happen and how some parts of a relationship are so fragile and need attention and care.
I like your user name. Says it all really.I agree with bjorn free and wazza, no matter what we could've done, it could've still happened because we can't control anyone but ourselves. We can choose to rebuild the marriage with our repentant spouses or with a new stranger that possibly could cheat.? That's one reason i stayed in my marriage, the risk is lower that my h will cheat again, especially if we stay in tune to each other. We learned how to be married. Who wants to start over with an unlearned person? Going through infidelity is traumatic, can't imagine going through it again.
Yep, I'm no longer naive.Hurting badly,
You gave freedom to him and it was your good nature.
He cheated and it was his bad nature.
Even if you had been strict with him, he could have found ways to cheat.
Now that you know about lies, even from the close ones, you will remain vigilant in future. Hard lesson, indeed.
I agree, and I did the same, and I feel the same as you.After being on this forum for awhile, I have come to the realization maybe we were all too good? We trusted too much and our WS's ran with that and took advantage of it. I dunno... Looking back I feel like I gave him too much freedom, let him go out with his friends without question. I was just too easy to cheat on. Maybe I should have made him more accountable in this family? Just thinking out loud! :scratchhead: