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I posted as Betrayed2012 before I got banned for some reason, although i dont know what that was.......anyways maybe look me up and read that post on how my WS screwed me over.....

I also posted under betrayed2013 about my WS keeping a lock on her phone and really never leaving it out ever......

so onto now. I check her email periodically as thats the only pw i have of hers. She rarely uses it and prefers to text and fb instead. I logged on sunday and discovered an email failure. That was her downfall. I clicked it and it was to an email addy without a name.....so she obviously deleted the original one sent and wasnt expecting the outcome of this.

I decided to recover her deleted items and she sent a pic of her from our vacation we just got back from last week. Her in a bikini. Under the pic it said "for the love of god this better work"...telling me that she was unsuccessfully trying to send pics while my son and I played in the other room. By her deleting it, it told me right away it was a dude and she didnt want me to find out. Originally I decided to wait and see if more emails would be sent, but then I changed my mind. You see, she left files of her mess ups on the desktop entitled "me". I thought this is something I could use to question her.

So last night, I said to her "what are these "me" files on the desktop? She went into denial mode right away, saying IDK why they are there? I said you must have named them "me". SHe said shes not the only one who uses the cpu and has no idea what they are. I then said it looks like ur sending pics to someone. SHe denied of course.

Now keep in mind, this is a woman who was a great wife and partner for over 9 years and then totally changed and had an affair on me just over 9 months ago, which i found out about, 6 months ago, so Im still in recovery mode. My trust is about 50 50, clearly not 100, or I wouldnt check her email. anyways back to the story.

So I said to her, u need to start fessing up, I know more than u think. She said she doesnt know n e thing im talking about. I said there are deleted downloads on the cpu and they are all sexy bathing suit pics of u...whats goin on? She denied again...I said " so if we go on ur email accnt, there isnt going to be n e thing there?" She knew she was busted. She said how do i kno her password? I didnt answer that, just said its time to come clean.

So she sd shes been in contact with a guy that she use to know growing up and he wanted to see some pics of her and hes not on fb, where these pics are. I asked who it is and she stalled. finally gave me a name. I said who else u texting behind my back....she gave me another name from growing up and sd she hadnt tt him in over a month. started crying and saying "she never felt accepted growing up and she has low self esteem and wanted to kind of do the "look at me now" thing to them as she enjoyed their attention.

I am a great husband and father, I deserve none of this. I am shocked just writing this. Its unreal. I give her loads of attention and clearly its not good enuf. So then I say to her " u need to text him right now and say that its over" She agreed and did so......she had his name as a girls name. The only problem was she said he was from up north and when clearing his contact info, the area code was from our city!

So I said I cant beleive u changed his name to a girl, and btw, I saw the number and thats not up north, thats our city....once again busted on another lie. This chick has some serious truth issues. SHe is now lying about her lies! UNreal.

So I said whats up? She then said she recently got an account for ****** *******. You know the webpage for married pe0ple seeking affairs.....I was like wtf? How the hell could u do that to me and the family? She said she never met up with the guy, doesnt know who he is and never planned to....it was all for attention adn thats it. I told her I dont beleive it obviously, or why would u be in contact with a guy that lives in ur city? Obviously u had other plans.

She broke down crying, saying she doesnt know why she does all this stuff and she hates hurting me (obvioulsly not, since she keeps doing this stuff to me). She says she needs help (she had IC as well as seeing a physciatrist, but clearly none of that is helping....also on anti depress)

she doesnt think that we'll get through this....i said to her u have said that 3 times now over the course of this year.

I have to say that since a bit be4 xmas, she was seemingly getting back to the wife I fell in love with.....I was on guard tho, just in case. I let her have it with my words, saying u are sabatoging this marriage on purpose becuz u feel u dont deserve it, due to ur tough childhood trauma. Why screw something up that was working so well for so long?

I then said everything u tell me seems like it could be a lie...I asked her again about if she had sex with the dude in my prior post. She was once again adament she didnt. If she did, why wouldnt she just tell me. She knows I'd leave and clearly the sabatoging she is doing is going to make me leave anyways, so Im totally confused as to what I am going to do.

Told her my trust in her just got set back a mile. I told her there is no way u love me if ur treating me like a piece of garbage. She sz she does and doesnt want to be alone. I told her "what am I a backup plan till something else comes along?" Its like she is a mental basketcase. I dont understand her. Lately she has been great. Just went on a vacation and we had a great time. She has been happy. Maybe cuz she was getting attn from other guys, that gets her off IDK......

Is there any way to trust her again? I mean how many more lies are there that I dont know about? I told her she used to be the perfect wife, now shes a horrible wife and a horrible person to do this to me. Told her, ever since u started hanging out with her friend of over a year ago, this relationship has slowly crumbled. The friend cheated on her husband, then my wife did the same. Her friend signed up for AM, then a year later my wife did too. They are complete morons and act like nobody matters but themselves....

Told her it seems to be all about her and how she looks....said theres more to life, like ur family, ur home, ur marriage and that is whats important, not how young u look (shes almost 37 btw and shes a looker, but so consumed in the last couple years on how fit she is and how she looks, its almost annoying)

She basically states that the AM thing was just for kicks and she never met the guy and that she just wanted attention from someone other than her husband. Its a joke really. How does she expect one to trust her when she got busted with an affair, then now this??? She seriously needs to be tested. Its ridiculous. Idk why I havent left yet? I guess im afraid of being alone and starting over and battling with custody of kids and selling the house and I do love her, but after last night, its like I feel different now, like nothing is ever going to change and i'll never be able to trust her again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
now she just sent a text saying that I know everything I say u thing im lying but i am really sorry i hurt u and regardless of wat u think i do love u. i do not want to continue to do this anymore. i hat this girl i hav become. i know i have major issues to work out. do u think i should sty at my dads for a while til we figure sh*t out?

Idk wat to tell her.....we have 2 kids, a 15 yr old and a 6 yr old. the 15 year old is very troubled. constantly getting in trouble wtih the law and stays away for days at a time even tho he is on house arrest. what happens with the kids? I work 1am-9am. so I get punished and hav my 6 yr old taken away from me becuz she has to figure stuff out? Hows that fair? im at a loss as to wat to write back to her. idk wtd.
 

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She's full of crappola. She's either actively cheating on you with other men, and has been for a while or is ramping herself up for a hookup.

Sounds like run of the mill MLC. Some gals like your wife hit it earlier than others.

Kick her out, file for divorce. Make her face some consequences. You can always stop the divorce if she comes to her senses. Right now your dealing with a crazy person.
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Why don't you have all her passwords? If she wanted to help you get through this, why would she not willingly share those?

You post this horrible story about what a deceitful, cold, cruel, lying person your wife is, filled with one deceit and lie after another, with her on a cheater's website loooking for an affair, any affair, and you ask, is there any way you can trust her again? Sure, there's a way, but she would have to actually act in a way that is actually trustworthy. STARTING WITH OFFERING COMPLETE OPENNESS AND TRANSPARENCY with her passwords and letting you check up on her - actually being happy you're checking up on her because she knows she's done nothing wrong.
 

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If you want to R I would do this:

1. Demand all her PW.
2. Demand a detailed call/text log from her phone comp. And that she shows it to you every month.
3. No deleting any texts or phone log. You compare everything at the end of every month.
4. Full access to her comp. key logger.
5. STD check on you and her.
6. Tell her you want her to have a poly.

Get a VAR in her car, maby in your house.

Watch her reactions to theese demands. You can tell a lot about her from her reactions.

But if you where me I would not try to R. She has been busted 2 time + now and she has not changed. I don't think she is a good W/Partener for you. Focus on your self and move on.
 

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Why do you not have complete transparency from her?

Why after catching her cheating before didn't you get all her passwords, and drop a key logger on the computer.

She's absolutely continued to seek out men for cheating, and she using her ability to do so secretly to do it. You only caught her because if a glitch.

Then you had another confrontation, and asked her to stop it please dear.

1. Stop putting trust where it is being abused.
2. Start setting boundaries
3. She must give you all of her passwords now. She cannot create any new accounts.
4. You log onto AM and all of the other accounts for cheating and change the passwords so she cannot log on. You then need to monitor these to see if she's still getting messages sent to them.
5. She gives up texting and a smart phone. She can have a basic cell phone that only makes calls and the bill and call log goes to you.
6. Put a VAR in her car already.

And... She must take a polygraph.

It's way past time for you to be strong and firm. She is either already cheating again or working at setting it up. AM is for or purpose only.

Her hiding behind poor poor me, I need attention is pure BS that she is feeding you. She's not looking for emotional validation, she's looking for sex from other men.

If you keep trying to nice talk her out of cheating, you are going to keep getting the same failure you have been getting.
 

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To me, your second post is pretty telling and not in a good way. She offers to stay at her dad's house? Why? Maybe so she can continue her sh-t in "secret".

Here's the deal, she had an affair no matter how you look at it. Her saying she never had sex with anyone (doubtful) doesn't matter. She had an emotional affair by "getting her kicks" from this. And an affair is an affair no matter how you look at it.

She's snowballed you from the beginning and is now in the trickle truth phase. I know because I've been there. Whenever a wayward says the phrase, "Now you know everything", well that means they haven't told you everything. It's as simple as that. If she's gaslighted you to the point that she's still doing this sh-t behind your back, how can she claim you know everything?!

I think you need to text her and say, "Yeah, stay at your dad's house and I'll pack up all your stuff. You need to get a grip on yourself."

Detatch. Like now.
 

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You must step up and provide clear cut leadership here.

Stop trying to get her consensus on being a good wife instead set the boundaries that are acceptable and the rules to live by.

Her going away from home serves no purpose other than to give her freedom to cheat.

Tell her to be home ASAP, and when she is home hand her a piece of paper and a pen and tell her to write down every account and password.

You also must install a key logger on you computer ASAP. Do not tell her you have done this

.
 

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I always thought my WH was a jacka$$ for not telling me he was sorry he hurt me. I wanted him to acknowledge it specifically. He would say he was sorry and that was it.

After reading your post it just PMO that she has the nerve to say "I know everything I say u thing im lying but i am really sorry i hurt u and regardless of wat u think i do love u". If she really loved you why would she hurt you....repeatedly!!

I think you need to tell her to stay at her dads so YOU can figure stuff out because right now she is not portraying herself as a woman worthy of your love!!
 

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Make her sit down with you and provide the AM loging info so you can read everything.
BTW what in the hell did't you put a keylogger in the PC to begin with?

STD test asap.
Toxic friend is gone for good.
Written timeline of extra curricular activities, all of them. To back up with a poly later.
Complete transparence for now on, including whereabouts.
Instead of running away to parents she seelk help to fix the marriage if shewants.
You stop investing, mild detachment (tayloring 180), find your legal rights.

Drop the hammer. NOW.
 

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did you save the number? You should have asked to text from her phone(to the OM) to see if she was lying...

Check the phone records...

She just got better at hiding. She won't make this moistake again.

She is hell bent on cheating on you. Tell her father what is going on
 

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OP, I know you don't want to see your family ripped apart, but at some point you need to call it. IMHO, this marriage flatlined. She is clearly not doing what needs to be done, she's repeatedly failing to restore trust that she lost, she's still at it - at least EA wise. Do you want to continue to throw more money down a rat hole? Recognize the sunk costs you have. They're not recoverable. No use trying to invest more energy. Detach, file for divorce and show her that this **** stops NOW. If you're lucky, she has a "come to Jesus" moment and stops. Otherwise, you get out of what is clearly a bad situation.

I think you're succumbing to the POP...
 

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yep i'd send her off to her dad's house and pretty much cut all contact that isnt absolutely necessary. kids, etc.
then i sure wouldnt sit around waiting for her to make up her mind.

my wife offered to go to her moms during our ordeal and i caved...i regret it, that would have likely put a stop to everything once she saw the REAL outcome.
so my opinion?
DO IT.
 

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Why were you banned? Most likely a) you're male b) you said the truth but managed to piss off another female.

I had a thread over on the Women's forum and was banned for a week. I never attacked anyone, but from a woman's "perspective" one thought that I did. And we know how wonderfully rational that women's perspectives are when guided by their emotions....:D
 

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I’m sorry... Listen, you’ve tried the nice and understanding husband route and got burned. It’s time; Divorce or Dresden Fire Bomb route. R should not be on the table until long after you see serious changes. Btw; Change IS NOT just learning to follow your direction and role-playing “the good spouse”.... you should feel her desperation to keep you. It’s also much more than just recognizing the issues... it’s doing something about it.

I chose the Dresden for several reasons. If you haven’t heard it... The Dresden is fairly simple; Burn it down. You aren’t trying to save the relationship or her. It’s a harsher sentence in many ways than just divorce where she gets to walk and continue to play the victim. You are forcing her to hit bottom just to see what rises out of the ashes without your help.
 
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