Talk About Marriage banner

Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hi folks. Long time reader, first time poster...

My wife and I are planning to take a trip over a long weekend, without our 19 month old son (first born, currently only child). Grandma (her mother) is coming over to the house to take care of him while we're gone (and he'll surely be visited by his grandpa and uncle as well, as they all live nearby). Grandma is normally at the house three days out of the week to take care of him as it is. But this is the longest time we'll both have been away from him at once since he was born. I know it's got to sound crazy, but I'm just worried about him missing us. I actually started crying over it a little the other night. I'm sure I'm getting too worked up about it, but I suppose I'm probably just looking for someone with a pinch more parenting experience to virtually slap me in the face and tell me I'm worried about nothing. But I'm having trouble getting over the notion myself, hence my post... Thanks...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,186 Posts
Hi.. my own children are away this week with family. They've gone away before, but this time its a whole week. Its really hurting this time too. Can you try hard to focus on your trip? Kind of plan the details in your head. Your child has a good time with gma right? Did your parents ever leave you with other family members growing up? Everyone is entitled to a little break. Besides, you and your wife need that alone time to enjoy each other. Those thoughts are helping me... And my week vacation from my children is ending in a few short days, and I realize I spent half the week moping around missing my babies and now H has the flu and I have the start of it. Just saying, maybe you could try and look forward to your mini vacation instead of worrying your son will miss you ;)
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for the replies. I think I feel a bit better just knowing that others can relate to my concerns. But something Cherry mentioned made me think and realize that I don't think my family members often did take separate vacations when I was growing up, generally not even for long weekends. It was always the whole family together. I suppose that might be why it feels strange and unfamiliar now that I'm going to do it.

And yes, Grandma is an excellent caregiver for my little boy. I'm not worried about his well-being in the least when he's with her. And it's true, I do need to focus on taking the trip with my wife. We don't get a great deal of "us" time since the baby was born (and we both work full time).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,243 Posts
Yeah, everyone's different. I never had a problem leaving my babies with grammie and grampa for weekends and overnights. But they were also daycare babies. Maybe that helped, I don't know.

Time alone with your wife is VERY important. It'll get a bit easier each time you do it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Hi folks. Long time reader, first time poster...

My wife and I are planning to take a trip over a long weekend, without our 19 month old son (first born, currently only child). Grandma (her mother) is coming over to the house to take care of him while we're gone (and he'll surely be visited by his grandpa and uncle as well, as they all live nearby). Grandma is normally at the house three days out of the week to take care of him as it is. But this is the longest time we'll both have been away from him at once since he was born. I know it's got to sound crazy, but I'm just worried about him missing us. I actually started crying over it a little the other night. I'm sure I'm getting too worked up about it, but I suppose I'm probably just looking for someone with a pinch more parenting experience to virtually slap me in the face and tell me I'm worried about nothing. But I'm having trouble getting over the notion myself, hence my post... Thanks...
What you are feeling is very normal but you are doing the right thing...in getting away alone with your husband, keep the romance alive....this is one of the things me & my husband didn't do in our early marraige..and I regret it soooo very much !!

So long as your son is in capable loving hands that are responsible & attend to all of his needs...(sounds very much the case)...please enjoy yourself, no worries!!!

It is really very funny.... We went on to have 6 kids..when I had my 1st ...I was so worried about everything , reading a book on how to child proof my whole house, I was afraid to leave my son with my dear friend who already had 2 of her own, I was being rather insane about these things....telling her to do this, remember that, etc etc.... by the time I had my 6th, I was sooo much relaxed about these things, I laugh now looking back how worried I was.

It is a new Parent thing....totally.

But you need to get off with the husband, rekindle the romantic in you both after having a baby, how vital this is for your man....YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS THIS ....take it from me, someone who wishes I could go back and relive those years, this is one thing I would have done, at least once a year, maybe twice. We didn't start going out alone -romantic vacations just for us... until we hit 19 yrs of marraige ! Yikes . I don't think anyone here was as foolish as we were.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Ha ha, thanks, SimplyAmorous, although I'll just point out one little thing... I'm the husband. :) But yes, I agree, my wife really does need this. (Funny enough, she and I do seem to experience a fair amount of role reversal, though...) :)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
Ha ha, thanks, SimplyAmorous, although I'll just point out one little thing... I'm the husband. :) But yes, I agree, my wife really does need this. (Funny enough, she and I do seem to experience a fair amount of role reversal, though...) :)
Oh sorry, I just assumed ! I did wonder but it sounded so much like a motherly thing....I ran with it. Usually the husband's are like.....what are you so worried about!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,374 Posts
Children are very adaptable and resilient. If you don't make a big deal out of this, your child won't either. It's perfectly ok to teach him that sometimes mommy and daddy go away alone while he's with grandma. You'll also be teaching him that you come back after you go away. And you'll be teaching him that he'll be ok even without you there. Small lessons in independence and growing up!

It doesn't have to be traumatic. Don't be all sad and clingy when it's time to leave - just behave normally, like when you leave for work. Kids pick up on the emotions and stress around them. If you act like it's not a big deal and this is fun for all of you, your son will pick up on that.

I know it's easier said than done! I get all angsty when I go on vacation and have to leave my cat alone. :rolleyes:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
Oh sorry, I just assumed ! I did wonder but it sounded so much like a motherly thing....I ran with it. Usually the husband's are like.....what are you so worried about!
I guess I'm just a little unusual. Not that I think that's a bad thing.

Children are very adaptable and resilient. If you don't make a big deal out of this, your child won't either. It's perfectly ok to teach him that sometimes mommy and daddy go away alone while he's with grandma. You'll also be teaching him that you come back after you go away. And you'll be teaching him that he'll be ok even without you there. Small lessons in independence and growing up!

It doesn't have to be traumatic. Don't be all sad and clingy when it's time to leave - just behave normally, like when you leave for work. Kids pick up on the emotions and stress around them. If you act like it's not a big deal and this is fun for all of you, your son will pick up on that.

I know it's easier said than done! I get all angsty when I go on vacation and have to leave my cat alone. :rolleyes:
Those are some excellent points. I keep forgetting about some of those things.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
14,190 Posts
I guess I'm just a little unusual. Not that I think that's a bad thing.
I don't think you are that unusual, because in my marriage, many would say our roles are a bit reversed....My husband is accually better with the kids than me...If I had to compare (in those elementary years anyway)... I enjoy the babies & the TEEN yrs the best. I love talking to my teens.

My husband has more patience helping the littlier ones with their homework -over me, any day. He also plays more board games with them & watches more cartoons than me. He is an excellent excellent Father.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,505 Posts
Couple things here.

Yep... normal. I got a litlte jumpy and nervous the first time we left our little one(s). Im trying to rememeber how old they were... I think it was later, like 3 or 4 - but we didnt have someone close by like a grandmother that we could trust.

I think thats key here. You can trust grandma pretty much right? She knows what she is doing.. and lets face it - you have cell phones, and not only that... everything will probably be fine even though you are going to call up that same day at dinner time probably twice just to check in.

If you are not ready, thats fine too. No sense going away to relax if you are going away to be frantic and miserable. My guess however is that in the end, you wll be glad you DID go. You are worried about nothing.... but its normal.

If you do go - remember - your baby is in tune with you. If you get tense and nervous and make a big scene about leaving, he will pick up on it and, guess what... get tense and nervous. Give him a kiss and hug, wait 'tll he starts googooing with grandma.. hand him over and just go. If he starts crying dont panic, in a few minutes he will be fine.

I think the first time we went away.. I think after eating out good and taking a walk and sleeping late and taking a nap (gads.. how good is THAT)... we went shopping for a present for the little one and grandma...

enjoy it. The outings are few and far between for a while, and they are good for you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
The very best gift you can give your son is a healthy happy marriage. You have to keep up your romance and need time alone in order to maintain your relationship. You don't want to make everything child centered, someday you will be alone with your wife again.

I think you are awesome for going away for the weekend. You will love it and then you will all be back together again, it will be for such a short time and your son will be no worse for it, only better since Grandma will spoil him and his parents will come home well 'connected'. Good for you! Have FUN!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
Well, we actually didn't end up going, but due to other reasons (e.g., planning confusion). But we're planning another little trip in the near future.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top