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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So this morning she comes into the kitchen and says "I have to tell you something". "I think I lost my wedding ring". She still had the engagement ring on her finger.

She goes on to say that she took it off when applying her lotion and put it in her pocket with the engagement ring, but now the wedding ring has gone AWOL.

She seemed to think my reaction was going to be something along the lines of "Oh it'll be ok it's only money" or "I'm sure it'll turn up". Instead I demanded that she retrace her steps and we started looking all over the house for it, but there wasn't very much time before she had to get out the door for work.

The mere fact that she lost it only makes me a little mad, but the fact that she lost it in the dumbest possible way, taking it off to wash her hands makes me really mad. That was the number one thing the ring guy told her not to do with it. It's also how one of my previous coworkers lost her engagement ring worth tens of thousands of dollars. Also the fact that she seemed more worried about being late to pick up her team made me even more mad.

Anyway, she was running out of time and said she needed to go, she wanted a hug. I calmly told her I was too mad for a hug right now, "Just go", I said. She left looking sheepish. Then I started going through the laundry hamper one item at a time, thinking she might have left her pants in or on it and the ring might have fallen out. After removing every last item in the hamper I found the ring at the very bottom. Yay.

My first thought was to text her that I found it. But then I thought, maybe let her stew on the situation until she gets home. I think she's going to feel pretty bad about it. Maybe then she'll learn not to take her rings off. But I don't want to give up the moral high ground. So what should I do, tell her now or make her wait?
 

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I’m having a problem believing you’re serious. Everybody but everybody on the planet makes mistakes and has accidents. If this is the way you handle your wife’s mistakes, or rather misfortunes, then my friend you have a great deal to learn not only about marriage but also about life itself.


Look. Accidents do happen and that’s absolutely guaranteed. What’s important is how you handle them and you are not doing so well.

Lets hope your wife has more empathy, patience and tolerance with you when you make a mistake or have an accident which as sure as the sun will come up tomorrow you will.


But worse you’re even withholding the fact that you’ve found the ring! So not only are you decrying her for her accident you are also punishing her.

You can put that right now by telling her you’ve found it. You need a complete “attitude change” to this type of thing in your marriage.
 

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First, apologize for being an a-hole about the ring. You're very protective of her and can't stand the thought of others even thinking she's single...blah,blah,blah.

Keep the ring to yourself for a couple days. Then take her out this weekend to a nice restaurant and present her the ring again, marriage proposal style.

Turn this lemon into some lemonade. Good luck.
 

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Dude...you really said/did those things to her when she was vulerable like that? You "demanded"? Every woman I know takes their ring(s) off from time to time like that. And then you told her "Just go"? What if something had happened to her on the way to work? And now that you found it, you want to punish her even more?

Listen, nobody does dumber things than my stbx and it frustrates the holy crap out of me, but you're kicking her when she's down ain't gonna help. Btw, I lost my wedding band 3 years ago and never found it. Even though I plan on divorcing the guilt still eats at me.

Give her the ring back and a hug and tell her all is well.
 

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Wow, I lost my wedding ring and didn't bother replacing it. She didn't say anything. I can't wear it at work anyways. At the time, I was renovating our hone, so never had it on. My wife's rings were stolen and I replaced them with much nicer one's because I could now afford them. She doesn't wear them all the time either. At times, they give her soars underneath them. Any jewelry...

Give her a break and text her that you found them. She's probably having a very crappy day! AND you should apologize for being totally out of line.
 

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It was an accident. She obviously felt badly that she lost it and she turned to you for help.

Why so hostile about this? Is there something else behind the incident?

I would call her right away and set her mind at ease.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Well, you all obviously think I was a jerk about the incident in the first place. Which is fair as far as opinions go. But I think acting like you don't really care about something as symbolic as a wedding ring is a colossal display of weakness.

But perhaps I am pressing the matter too far by not telling her I found it...
 

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It's understandable that you were upset and perhaps felt she was careless. It's understandable that you would 'ask' and help her retrace her steps, not demand as you state.

Then, holding on to the anger and refusing to hug/kiss her goodbye starts getting childish. Add to that refusing to tell her it's found and it's really taking things too far.
 

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Obviously I wasn't there to see her face or hear the inflections in her voice, but really, NOT caring would be her NOT telling you when it happened, and letting you notice the ring not on her finger maybe weeks later and her saying "Oh, yeah, I lost it." THAT would be not caring. Coming to you and telling you right away was a sign that she trusted you.

Needing to get to work is also a tricky one. Some jobs have absolutely zero tolerance for being late. And if she needed to pick up other people, that may have been real pressure on her. Again, not a sign that she didn't care about her ring.

Maybe there's more there that you're not sharing, cuz many of us feel like you're being kind of a hard-ass about this.
 

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Well, you all obviously think I was a jerk about the incident in the first place. Which is fair as far as opinions go. But I think acting like you don't really care about something as symbolic as a wedding ring is a colossal display of weakness.

But perhaps I am pressing the matter too far by not telling her I found it...

I hope you’ve taken note of the replies and you’re not trying to be some strange form of an alpha male in all this. If you are, what the guys mean by Alpha here is the EXACT OPPOSITE of how you’ve behaved with this.


But you do have time to man up and up your game. Use that time wisely, listen to the people here. Something you could do is either cook your wife a meal or take her out by way of apology for your pretty crass behaviour.
 

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Never use an axe to remove a fly from a friends forehead.

She is distraught about the incident. It could happen to anyone and indeed my wife lost a ring ( family heirloom ) in almost exactly the same way. Although we were at a mall and the ring was never recovered.

Thank goodness you found it. Tell her right away.
 

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Wow, you're being a bit OTT here! It was an accident! Just ring her and tell her you found it. She'll be thrilled.
Sounds like you want to punish her and teach her a lesson? She's your wife not a child!
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