[Honeymoon's Over]

Hello,
i've only ever posted once on here before in the financial section, long story short, he wants access to my accounts, and he doesn't work. we are newlyweds.
so.....
we started marriage counseling. We've been in HUGE fights because of all this money stuff (along with some other stuff). Finally, i had it! i told him our marriage was still so new, i was getting an annulment the next morning, we BOTH said hateful, hurtful things to each other...THEN! He comes in to our room, which I had kicked him out of earlier that night and wants sex like nothing ever happened! ick! i didn't want him naked anywhere around me at that point.

so then, we go to our counseling session, "make up" with each other (sort of...) at least we weren't annulling our marriage anymore, but still fighting about lots of things, and he wants sex ALL THE TIME! This is the LAST thing i want from him at this point. I don't want to kiss him, or anything. his behavior makes me physically ill. I'm not normally "non-sexual" and have a very high sex drive, but lately, I don't want him close to me, let alone having sex with me... Am i wrong? Am I just being a frigid witch? Now I feel guilty.

 

[Chris Taylor]

Are you fighting because you're not having sex or are you not having sex because you are fighting?

 

[Honeymoon's Over]

no, no, we are fighting because he won't work and wants access to my bank account (i have a very good job...) that's why we are fighting.... among other things like him spray painting our 3rd bedroom, stupid stuff... but he wants sex so he can feel like we are still married. i give in and have sex with him, but it's making me sick! i don't want him that way right now, because his behavior is so erratic and wierd (not at all the man I dated for over a year!)... He's abusive in his language and very "in your face" when he doesn't get what he wants... so i give in and have sex with him, and he wants to cuddle and he wants to kiss.... it's so odd for someone to be so aggressive and horrible about finances and the house, and then we wants to be sweet and sexual because it helps him deal when we're fighting. I don't know what to do

 

[PBear]

Are you still in counseling?

C
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Machiavelli]

Men get married because they want to have sex. You need to divorce your husband because he's a slug and a loser. Stay with him and he'll be spending your hard earned money on other women.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

What kind of man won't try to get a job? What was going through your mind when you married this guy?

 

[IndyTMI]

Serious warning sign if he refuses to find a job, yet wants access to your funds.
I think you should tell him about how you think his actions are not what you expect and he needs to turn things around fairly quickly or you won't be around to even engage in sex.

My wife told me about some of the actions I did that made her feel insecure financially...gave me reason to change. Are you giving him reason to change?

 

[roostr]

It sounds to me like youre in trouble with that relationship. I know someone who was just like that and he wiped out 3 women financially. He is no longer with either of them. Unfortunately by the time they had reallized what this guy was doing it was way too late. One of them lost a house. Awful. As far as the sex goes, I know for sure that my wife wouldnt give in during or riight after an argument for sure. Im pretty sure this would be positive reinforcement for him for you to give in to sex when he acts like that. Kind of like giving the screaming kid what they want when they take a tantrum, he will get conditioned to expect this fast.
gl2u because it seems you have your head on right but he doesnt.

 

[chillymorn]

Hello,
i've only ever posted once on here before in the financial section, long story short, he wants access to my accounts, and he doesn't work. we are newlyweds.
so.....
we started marriage counseling. We've been in HUGE fights because of all this money stuff (along with some other stuff). Finally, i had it! i told him our marriage was still so new, i was getting an annulment the next morning, we BOTH said hateful, hurtful things to each other...THEN! He comes in to our room, which I had kicked him out of earlier that night and wants sex like nothing ever happened! ick! i didn't want him naked anywhere around me at that point.

so then, we go to our counseling session, "make up" with each other (sort of...) at least we weren't annulling our marriage anymore, but still fighting about lots of things, and he wants sex ALL THE TIME! This is the LAST thing i want from him at this point. I don't want to kiss him, or anything. his behavior makes me physically ill. I'm not normally "non-sexual" and have a very high sex drive, but lately, I don't want him close to me, let alone having sex with me... Am i wrong? Am I just being a frigid witch? Now I feel guilty.

you are feeling this way because in your gut you know you should run for the hills. but your fighting it.

 

[missymrs80]

Honeymoon....how old are you?

 

[Zzyzx]

Men marry for sex. Among other things. That said, his inability or unwillingness to work is not sexy at all and I get that. Now I am of the school that says sex shouldn't ever be used as a device to manipulate for or against certain behaviors. So if you find yourself incapable of having sex with him, or thinking you have to withhold sex from him in order to get him to find himself a job, that's a crappy way to go; your best action is to leave. Now. Do not waste any more time.

 

[indiecat]

Well if he won't work and spends all the money of COURSE you can't respect him and desire him. No woman would.

 

[KendalMintcake]

I want to know why, if he grosses you out physically...why stay in the marriage. I get it that it is too soon after a big brawl to feel affectionate and you are probably totally perplexed as to how could can dismiss all the ugliness of the fighting to then feel like getting intimate - that makes l sense. Now that you know how he operates, wouldn't that always linger in your mind and affect sexual attraction indefinitely. Don't become like my wife and avoid sex like the plague. So no you are not being an evil witch for being grossed out, but are you making the right decision to stick around...anyway I though this was interesting as I wonder sometimes if my wife just think ewww!
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[Plan 9 from OS]

I want to know why, if he grosses you out physically...why stay in the marriage. I get it that it is too soon after a big brawl to feel affectionate and you are probably totally perplexed as to how could can dismiss all the ugliness of the fighting to then feel like getting intimate - that makes l sense. Now that you know how he operates, wouldn't that always linger in your mind and affect sexual attraction indefinitely. Don't become like my wife and avoid sex like the plague. So no you are not being an evil witch for being grossed out, but are you making the right decision to stick around...anyway I though this was interesting as I wonder sometimes if my wife just think ewww!
Posted via Mobile Device

It doesn't sound like it's a lack of physical attraction. It's about his behavior. I don't think it's too hard to imagine a woman having zero desire for a man that refuses to work, does stupid stuff in their house (spray painting a bedroom?!), gets in her face about finances demanding full access to her accounts and being verbally abusive (and physically intimidating).

OP, you need to spell out clearly to your counselor all of these feelings. If you are afraid to do so in front of your husband, then you have serious problems where you may have to leave the house for your safety. It's 100% unacceptable for your husband to make you feel physically threatened - even if he never physically harms you. That's abusive and you better tend to this quickly or you may become another statistic.

 

[Honeymoon's Over]

Honeymoon....how old are you?

I am 38 years old.

 

[Woodchuck]

RUN.....DO NOT LOOK BACK....DO NOT ALLOW COUNSELORS TALK YOU INTO STAYING....UNLESS THIS GUY IS SET TO INHERET A FORTUNE OR HITS THE LOTTO (AND EVEN THEN HE PROBABLY WOULD NOT SHARE) YOU ARE LOOKING AT A LIFE OF BANKRUPTCY AND MISERY....RUN:FIREdevil:

 

[Speed]

Won't work: Check.

Acts like a selfish child: Check.

Expects you to pay for his laziness: Check.

Does immature $hit like spray paint a bedroom: Check.

Yep. I would say he is just a great catch and totally worth keeping.

 

[JoeHenderson]

Seriously, I don't even know if marriage counseling is necessary. It basically sounds like he wants an unlimited allowance and a blow-up doll. It doesn't sound like he has any respect or empathy for you.

 

[discouraged1]

run away fast... and don't look back. he won't change at his age and you will only be miserable and broke. wish you the best.

 

[MEM2020]

Honeymoon
You do realize how this works right?

I think you just want someone to say it out loud for you - so I will do that

This man seemed to really love you. Deeply love you. And he is very handsome. More so than other guys you dated. And he told you he loved you so much and the sex was so hot.

A couple points of order:
- have you run a credit check on him
- criminal background check

We both know he is going to withdraw as much money as the bank will allow him and then disappear.

That's why he is so angry at you. Because he wants to wrap this little charade of his up.

Be careful - if he realizes the game is over, he may consider a wholly different strategy for getting to your money.