Some background: I'm 39, H is 46. Been married a year, my second and his first. We've known each other for 25 years as we are from the same hometown. Due to my child custody arrangement and his job requirements, we have 2 separate houses about 2 hours apart. I am at his house 3 nights a week as I work in the town where he lives (and my kids are with their dad those nights). The rest of the week I am at my house with my children.
Last week I logged on to check the cell phone bill. Not sure why, but I felt like I should look at the usage details as well. I found that he had been sending and receiving many texts with a certain phone number. The frequency of texting had increased dramatically the past week or so. I asked him who the number belonged to, and it is a woman who was his roommate a few years ago. He hadn't talked to her in 4 years, until she texted him a few weeks ago to let him know she was getting a divorce (her husband is also a friend of my husband's), and to see if he could help her move.
He had told me that she texted to tell him about the separation and ask for help moving, but that's all he said about talking to her. And I was OK with that because I knew they'd been good friends in the past. So I was shocked when I saw that for the past 5 weeks or so, he has initiated communication via texting with her 3-5 days a week. They texted anywhere from 15-60 times a day. Plus, there were many pictures texted back and forth during this time.
I have been feeling very betrayed by him because I had no idea he was texting another woman that often. He swears they have been just catching up, that there's zero intention for anything else, and that nothing inappropriate was ever said or shared. Am I unrealistic in my disappointment? Isn't texting another woman that often, without me knowing, a form of lying & deceit? How can I know if it truly is an EA?
My concern is that he doesn't understand what boundaries must be in place in a marriage, as far as opposite sex relationships are concerned. He says he "just doesn't think" about stuff like that, but he admits it looks bad from the outside. We start MC this week....
Last week I logged on to check the cell phone bill. Not sure why, but I felt like I should look at the usage details as well. I found that he had been sending and receiving many texts with a certain phone number. The frequency of texting had increased dramatically the past week or so. I asked him who the number belonged to, and it is a woman who was his roommate a few years ago. He hadn't talked to her in 4 years, until she texted him a few weeks ago to let him know she was getting a divorce (her husband is also a friend of my husband's), and to see if he could help her move.
He had told me that she texted to tell him about the separation and ask for help moving, but that's all he said about talking to her. And I was OK with that because I knew they'd been good friends in the past. So I was shocked when I saw that for the past 5 weeks or so, he has initiated communication via texting with her 3-5 days a week. They texted anywhere from 15-60 times a day. Plus, there were many pictures texted back and forth during this time.
I have been feeling very betrayed by him because I had no idea he was texting another woman that often. He swears they have been just catching up, that there's zero intention for anything else, and that nothing inappropriate was ever said or shared. Am I unrealistic in my disappointment? Isn't texting another woman that often, without me knowing, a form of lying & deceit? How can I know if it truly is an EA?
My concern is that he doesn't understand what boundaries must be in place in a marriage, as far as opposite sex relationships are concerned. He says he "just doesn't think" about stuff like that, but he admits it looks bad from the outside. We start MC this week....