Talk About Marriage banner

21 - 27 of 27 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,489 Posts
The big question is why are you accepting such a ****ty life.

You are your biggest problem.

I can tell you this. It comes up here quite often. Lots of excuses but the reality is there are none.

You want more out of life then divorce his ass and find it.

You can read all the books, kiss his ass, etc, etc, etc. there'll be zero long term change. None!!!!

His is who he is and will always be.

Wake up!!!!!!

There is a guy who posted yesterday (look thru the posts) and in this same situation for 20 years now. Looking for help? Hell He's 65. There is no help. He's done!!!!

That's where you'll end up to unless you get the backbone to make a decision.
I agree except that even at 65 a person can WTFU and enjoy what is left of their life.

I had a 20 year UNfulfilling relationship and had nothing but excuses for why I "couldn't" leave him. I was definitely my biggest problem. Bottom line was I was just being weak and lacking courage.

People would say "just leave" and I'd be like "but... how?" and then I learned how. You just do it. You say the unthinkable: "I'm leaving you." and you endure the discomfort of their unhappiness and you. just. leave. And don't look back.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,219 Posts
I'm personally at about 7 months now since the start of "she's unhappy". Currently divorcing.

But it isn't for lack of trying. Lack of confidence after being cheated on perhaps. If I make it to 10 years, just shoot me dead.
Maybe a little Youth In Asia would work for you?
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
28,172 Posts
thank you for your responses, I thought that too.. but this started way prior to his HA.. It was right after our son was born.. I dont know whats inside a mans head but i did have a C section.. he saw pretty much nothing. he was on the head side, I thought it could of been due to that. but almost 12 years later & there isnt even a sign I had a c section. Im back to the way I was. Nothing has changed except in the last 3 years his health has declined. We are not old by no means. We should be in our prime at least thats What Im thinking. He would never got to counseling, he had a HA because of his issue with doctors. We have discussed & like I said he ignores it. Its getting to the point where Im disgusted around him. Thats not good especially when my child is very observant. He has major depression since his health issues, but this did start years before. People have said to me oh he must be cheating. I dont agree at all, he is not that type of guy & never was. Im the bread winner in the family, I support & do everything, at one point I thought it was for that reason. bottom line No woman should have to beg for sex. I feel silly as good looking of a woman I am.. not trying to toot my own horn but really.. I just don't get it.Im surrounded by men all day long for my job, its hard to look the other way at this point. I was curious if anyone else has had this issue, from a mans point of view more so..
ps I would give anything for a massage at this point.. is that sad or what. I will not beg!
And what does his doctor say?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
508 Posts
Have you been to IC?
What does your husband contribute to your marriage?

Have you offered to give him a massage?
Do you guys do date night or anything as a couple?

When did you last discuss this issue with your husband?
Why (after 10 years) has this become important to you?

Has he been diagnosed as depressed? Is your husband handicapped or over weight and out of shape and/or sickly?
Does he have a life outside the home? Does he work at all? Friends, gym or hobbies?

I suggest you divorce (or file for legal separation) rather than turn to adultery (for both your sakes).

The finality/shock of being served with divorce papers may motivate him to seek help for his intimacy issues. Inform him in advance that if he doesn't seek help then you will file. IMO if he's been a good husband & father in every other way, there's no reason to be mean, insulting or nasty.
 
21 - 27 of 27 Posts
Top