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Welcome to real life.

It's not always easy not always what we want.

However your husband's attitude to you stinks. He needs to grow up.

Anger management might help him.

By the way I am tagging @EleGirl in as she is an administrator and she can help you change your username if that's your real name. Anonymous is best, we find. :)
 

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Everything changed in 10 months after 10 years together? That is hard to believe. One day of playing princess isnt going to fix your relationship.
 

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Why did you marry him if you were so unhappy?
The first thing I would say is to get the child out of your bed. That's just not on.
Secondly get some good marriage counselling.
 

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Need some advice and have no where to turn so gave this page a try.....

Hi everyone! So my husband and I have been married just under a year so I feel like a terrible person and embarrassed to admit I already feel this way, but then again we have been together as a couple almost 10 years.

I just don’t know if there’s anything there any more. He’s an amazing person he does a hell of a lot of me when I need any favours and also financially, we have a perfect home and he works extremely hard to provide for us which I know I am very lucky.

But as a relationship I’m confused. We don’t spend much time together with his shift pattern in his job. We have a child and struggle to get her watched, she also wants to sleep in my bed every night (she has autism so is stuck in this routine) therefore he sleeps in a separate bed to us. When we do eventually get time just us to which is the occasional day off, VERY RARE date night or a couple or hours catching up on telly together when our child is asleep I feel like there’s hardly any conversation. We even sit on different sofas as I’ve tried cuddling before but he doesn’t like to and prefers me sitting on the other sofa.

When it comes to sex it feels very forced and unnatural, he does often try for us to do this but I feel there is no passion and as much as he tries his hardest I just don’t feel satisfied, because of other issues in our relationship I’m not very often in the mood either.

We have dealt with a lot together over the years, our child’s diagnosis (for those who have a child with additional needs will know the strain it can cause for parents), he also swears a lot in front our child which really annoys me but he also gets wound up with the fact I’m a very untidy person which I know I need to work on. His family and I don’t see eye to eye even after 9 years I’ve never fully had their approval and he’s always sided with them no matter how upset they’ve made me (we come from very different types of family his are very close wether mine aren’t), he bought us a house but refused to put me on the mortgage as I didn’t pay anything towards the deposit although I spend what I would of towards a house towards our wedding instead so we could get married sooner than later - he also earns about 3x more than me (he also calls it “his” house not “ours”)

For me, there’s just no spark, I miss that feeling of getting “butterflies” and having passion in a relationship. I’ve tried talking to him but just makes digs and doesn’t get it he’s like “just leave then”.

The thought of being a single parent a dealing with the shame of separating so quickly as getting married scares me. I don’t have many friends and aren’t very close to my family so feel so alone already, when my husbands gone the only person I feel il have in my life is my daughter.

Il also add we had moments like this in the past but I thought getting married would solve our problems (my parents divorced when I was little and I never wanted that for myself) but even after our wedding I was in tears because I husband I would hardly dance with me or show any affection towards me and instead of apologising left me to be upset while my sister looked after me.
Everyone sees him as an amazing, kind person yet doesn’t see the person who swears infront of our child and calls me a lazy b*****d and c**t, me being upset about this at my wedding caused me to lose friends because to everyone I was just a drama queen. Hence why I feel so lonely.

I feel so lost

Where do I go from here?
I'm sorry for your situation. Having an autistic child must add a lot of strain to the relationship for both of you. But there are some things you said about him that are warning signs of something being really off.

The fact that he acts all wonderful in front of everyone else then calls you these names is a sign of narcissism. Read up on narcissism on the internet and see if you recognize him. If he is, it's very hard to have a healthy relationship with someone like that.

The fact that you are married but the house is "his" is VERY concerning and a sign that he does NOT see you as a married couple. Did he begin the purchase before the marriage? I'd be tempted to tell him that the papers get rewritten where you're a part owner or you're not paying another penny toward the mortgage. But that can wait.

IS there any way you can both be on a day shift? WOrking different shifts is very hard on marriage, and working a night shift is very hard on a person's mental health -- really high instances of depression, health issues, even suicide, with people working night shifts because apparently the body does not restore properly if you're not sleeping at night time.

The fact that he doesn't stand up for you with his family is very concerning too.

I had a bad flashback to my wedding night to my first husband when I read about yours. It was like Jeckyl and Hyde. I'm not saying there were no red flags in the relationship in hindsight but the truth was he did not want to marry me, he felt he had to because he had custody of his 3 children and was in the military and needed to go out on deployment for months at a time. I had no idea he didn't want to get married. But it was AWFUL. I was so happy and in love and he just gave me a tiny peck for a kiss (this was not a shy man), he smeared the wedding cake on my face, then basically ignored and avoided me the rest of the evening, got raging drunk and offended most of our friends to where I was basically friendless after the wedding too because no one wanted to be around him after his horrid behavior. But enough about me. Sorry. I just wanted you to know I understand what you are saying and sympathize with you.

SOME IDEAS - I would get and read these two books as soon as you can:
Love Busters by Willard Harley
and then
His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley.

It would be great if you can get your H to read them with you but he will probably refuse. You can still read them and learn a lot to identify things that you may be doing that add to the conflict, and maybe after you make some changes he will come around. Worst case scenario, you'll realize you're in a relationship with a person who is not going to try and doesn't care about the quality of your marriage, but you'll be able to see more clearly to realize you could much happier alone or with someone else.
 

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