I feel a bit nuts typing this, but here goes. My husband and I have been living together for 17 years, married for 8. We have three amazing children (ages 7.5, 5.75, 3.75). He runs a business and is moderately successful. I work part-time and provide some money and all of the medical benefits for the family.
We have had a good life so far, waited a long time before marriage even though we had been living together, and chose to have each child before we conceived. We began living together when I was 16 and he was 18. We were both starting college that year.
Short version is, I care for him, he is a wonderful person, we don't have any abuse or anything bad going on. We don't even call each other names. We both allow for each other to do fun things that we love, like going to concerts, working out, etc. But I have no passion for him, and I believe it's been this way the entire time.
Before we were married I tried to "get out" a couple of times in a passive way, without having to say "I want out." But it didn't go through. The closest was when I got a job as a nanny in Germany. His heart was broken and I just felt too guilty, so I didn't go through with it.
He's a wonderful father, a very giving sex partner, and wants to improve. So far he believes I'm having a crisis, and he doesn't understand what about, and he basically says he's never been happier (until just recently when he's realized we are not on the same page).
I feel like I want to separate and try to grow individually. I think he could really benefit from it too. But am I nuts? Any person looking in would gladly take our lives, I think, and I feel so crazy wanting out. On the other hand, I just don't have any feelings for him right now, other than I care for him deeply, we have a long history together, and we are a family.
Help? I have an appointment in a couple of weeks with a therapist. He is willing to see someone but right now he doesn't even know what he would say or what his goal would be during an appointment, since this is "my thing." I don't really know what to tell him.
I'm imagining some kind of separation where we share the house for a while with the kids, and maybe each rent our own mini places too, although realistically not sure if that can happen.
Maybe this is just chemical - do I need a pill??? I feel so ungrateful saying all of these things, and feel so terribly guilty that I would consider disrupting our family and potentially seriously scarring our children, just for me to lead a more fulfilling life.
??? So upset and confused. Can't sleep, nausious, etc. Not sure how we can last this way for two weeks until I see a therapist! He is also basically getting drunk each night to be numb, so he doesn't have to "think." He says he's going in circles in his head, since I'm not giving him much to go on. Of course I haven't said most of this to him, because maybe it's just a temporary state of mind, and these things could be very damaging to him!
Thanks in advance!