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Discussion Starter #1
Well my fiance (23) and I (26) have been going through this rollercoaster. We've only been together for 2.5 years and have a son that is 22 months old. We've broken up a few times only to get back together. This time it's much more serious. It has been about 2 months since we broke up. I did the who cry, beg, plead, call, text and didn't give her space. Only in the past couple weeks have I stopped all of that and i bring it up here and there. There is nobody else I am sure as I still have access to all her social media and phone stuff.

In January before we broke up we were talking about the house I recently closed escrow on and how we were moving out of our parents and going to really start being just our family and raising our son. She was SO excited about furnishing, paint and all.

We broke up because of little arguments and the fact that I talked to people she didn't like (and hid it) about our relationship to get advice and she thought I was putting our business out there. It happened more than once. Even though she told me to stop.. yeah stupid. I did this because she never gave me the time and day to sit down and communicate with her. Also I guess the fact that I work, take care of our son, and the stresses of life, I just didn't focus on what she was telling me and some of it went in one ear and out the other..

I still see my son everyday still when I get off work I go there and she still wants us to put him to sleep together in the same bed and I leave when he falls asleep. Now in the past 2 weeks she wants me to spend the night to fall asleep with him.

When I do bring up things she says things like:
i dont want to be together
i dont love you anymore
we are never getting back together
you need to move on and start the next chapter of life


I am currently reading forums, Divorce Remedy, Love Must Be Tough

I've already started to change by not contacting the people she didn't like. Both our families want us to work out and eventually get married.

I already barely get to be with my son because I'm at work all day.. I don't want it to be any less. Any advice from anyone with kids on getting the mother of their child back? It just seems like she wants space but I don't know... it breaks my heart and kills me inside and I really want my family back.
 

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This is very similar to my current situation. I've done the pleading, begging, crying, etc. But all these actions will push her away even more. Try to do the 180 and see if it makes a difference. I pushed her too far and our separation is even worse than it first started.

I know how you feel when she says that you two are done and never getting back together. But at some point you will learn that it is a one sided battle and you're never going to win since the other side doesn't even want to play ball. I'm at that point where I have no more left to give and all I can really do is be patient because she has stated that she will be filing next month; which I'm dreading since I still care for her a lot and I'm still hoping for a change of mind or even a slight second chance.

Keep your head up and try to focus on yourself. She will see a difference in you. Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
it hurts so bad... it is the hardest thing. just a couple months ago she was so excited to move in and things were fine then all of a sudden it's an entire 360 and she wants nothing to do with me and acts cold and a complete stranger
 

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There is no OM I am 100% sure. I have access to her email, phone, social media

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Were these friends you were getting relationship "advice" from female?

How can you be 100% certain there is no OM? What investigating have you done?
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Yes they were advice from female friends, it was truly advice, she even saw some of the messages and knows there was nothing else going on.

Yes I do have access to all her text, calls, social media, email... I know there is nobody else

As of right now I still see my son everyday, should I still be putting him to sleep with her? Yesterday I did a 180 and left saying imma go cuz "you probably don't want me here" she wondered and said why then quickly changed her attitude saying "ok"
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Thats what I thought.... bad move with the female friends and then hiding it. Your explanation is not entirely believable.

And again, what have you DONE to investigate?
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Discussion Starter #10
thanks for all your responses and input by the way.

again, I am sure. I've read every in and out text, and see who she calls, and have gps access to her mobile.

regarding female friends, yes it was a bad move that's why i've owned up to it. it was plainly advice, she has even seen the messages, no reason to lie on here when i'm trying to get honest advice on getting my fiance back. an example was a mutual friend she lived with, we were both very close to her but when me and my fiance started talked she was telling me "bad" things about my fiance so they grew apart. I never listened and ignored that part but mainly asked her for advice.

at the moment what do you think about me putting him to sleep with her. she wants me to spend a couple days on the weekend to sleep over and be there with my son.
 

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Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son

thanks for all your responses and input by the way.

again, I am sure. I've read every in and out text, and see who she calls, and have gps access to her mobile.

regarding female friends, yes it was a bad move that's why i've owned up to it. it was plainly advice, she has even seen the messages, no reason to lie on here when i'm trying to get honest advice on getting my fiance back. an example was a mutual friend she lived with, we were both very close to her but when me and my fiance started talked she was telling me "bad" things about my fiance so they grew apart. I never listened and ignored that part but mainly asked her for advice.

at the moment what do you think about me putting him to sleep with her. she wants me to spend a couple days on the weekend to sleep over and be there with my son.
Your son is too young to realize what's going on. Try to ween her away from having you there, but do everything in your power to be there for your son. You want your son to have that fatherly figure image in his head at an early age.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
She doesn't need me there, its just I want to be there with him. Is it better that I not be there to put him to sleep?

any advice on reconciliation?
 

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Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son

She doesn't need me there, its just I want to be there with him. Is it better that I not be there to put him to sleep?

any advice on reconciliation?
I know you want to be there for him, are you guys living in separate households? If so, (like in my case) its very hard when your wife has him for the night and all you want is to be there for him and put him to bed. With my current situation I would call my wife, or have her call me when its bed time, so we can say a prayer together and say good night. My son is only 2 (turning 3 next month) but he loves it. Although it breaks my heart everytime since I don't like our current situation..

As far as reconciliation goes, follow the 180 rules and all the advice that you see in the other posts because a slight deviation from it can be devastating. I tried to follow the 180 but it was too late.. the damage was so severe that our marriage was dead no matter how much I tried.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
yes we are in different household, what happens is i go there after work and then hang out then put him to sleep. On weekends I stay overnight at put him to sleep. My son is about to turn 2. How do I know if it is too late? it has been 3 months
 

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Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son

yes we are in different household, what happens is i go there after work and then hang out then put him to sleep. On weekends I stay overnight at put him to sleep. My son is about to turn 2. How do I know if it is too late? it has been 3 months
3 months, well you made if further than I did. We've only been separated for 2 months and she's already made up her mind and filing when she gets back from training in mid April.

Do you want to reconcile? Does she want to reconcile? If its a one-sided battle its gonna be hard but not impossible.
 

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I was in a similar situation, my W and I have been separated for almost 3 months now, rocky first month, better second month in which I started the whole begging and pleading behavior. DON'T do that, these guys are right, it pushes them further away. Back way off, give her space and let her come to you.

I started the 180 a couple weeks ago when I came to this forum, in the last few days I can tell my W is starting to notice a difference in me and she's started fishing for communication. Concentrate on YOU and make yourself better...start reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" ASAP
 

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Whether she's willing to reconcile with you obviously depends on how much damage she feels you did by lying to her about your female friends. Right now, she's the only one who knows that. And if she's not willing to talk to you about it at the moment then you'll have to wait until she is. So you will have to be patient.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
thank you... yes I do have to be patient that is the hard part and need to start doing 180s ITS TOUGH because I feel we are drifting further and further apart from this time apart.

I had good intentions because I was trying to get advice to better us but made stupid bad decisions in going about it
 

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3 months, well you made if further than I did. We've only been separated for 2 months and she's already made up her mind and filing when she gets back from training in mid April.

Do you want to reconcile? Does she want to reconcile? If its a one-sided battle its gonna be hard but not impossible.
Yes I do want to reconcile. From the statements she made as stated in my opening post she doesnt seem like she wants to at the moment. I know for face she's not seeing anybody. but she is consistently going to the gym and eating better. Both our families want to see us married and raise more children.
 

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Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son

Yes I do want to reconcile. From the statements she made as stated in my opening post she doesnt seem like she wants to at the moment. I know for face she's not seeing anybody. but she is consistently going to the gym and eating better. Both our families want to see us married and raise more children.
Ok. Continue to work on yourself, no matter how hard times get. She will come around, if not, then just know that you did everything in your power to make it work.

She's doing the same thing, going to the gym, working on herself and staying healthy. Has there been any self-esteem issues between you two? Or have you two ever judged each others looks?
 
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