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It seems like every morning I am waking up and panicking over my loss. Anyone who has seen my other threads knows that my WS cheated and then left me for OM. D-Day was four months ago. I am here in my home country for a couple of months to regain sanity and now WS and OM are living together full time with our two young daughters.
It's a total nightmare for me.
I was very much in love with my wife. She's talented, beautiful, charming, etc. and not a trashy person. We're both educated people and we like each other's families. Despite her flaws, I think it will take me a long time to find someone like her again. She and my children lit up my life.
The idea of her kissing him, having sex with him, making dinner for him, loving him more than me, etc. etc. is driving me insane.
I feel so used and abused. Does she love him more than she ever loved me? This is the question that goes through my head every day.
To make it worse, she told me this the other day (I'm paraphrasing):
"I know I screwed up. I look at pictures of us and I know this is what I wanted: marriage for life, a family, etc. This was precious to me. My big regret is that I was not strong enough during our brief (1 week) attempt to reconcile. But I know it's too late now since I am with him. My heart is with him, and I will build a life with him. ... "I do not regret the affair. I learned a lot about our couple from it." (and then later) "I'll always love you."
This makes me feel like sh*t.
I think if I had only worked out, or worn cologne, asked her more questions, or done this done that, then I wouldn't be in this position. It drives me insane because I can't go back and fix things. It seems like love can become so fragile at the seven year mark.
I FEEL I CAN NEVER GET OVER THIS.
It's a total nightmare for me.
I was very much in love with my wife. She's talented, beautiful, charming, etc. and not a trashy person. We're both educated people and we like each other's families. Despite her flaws, I think it will take me a long time to find someone like her again. She and my children lit up my life.
The idea of her kissing him, having sex with him, making dinner for him, loving him more than me, etc. etc. is driving me insane.
I feel so used and abused. Does she love him more than she ever loved me? This is the question that goes through my head every day.
To make it worse, she told me this the other day (I'm paraphrasing):
"I know I screwed up. I look at pictures of us and I know this is what I wanted: marriage for life, a family, etc. This was precious to me. My big regret is that I was not strong enough during our brief (1 week) attempt to reconcile. But I know it's too late now since I am with him. My heart is with him, and I will build a life with him. ... "I do not regret the affair. I learned a lot about our couple from it." (and then later) "I'll always love you."
This makes me feel like sh*t.
I think if I had only worked out, or worn cologne, asked her more questions, or done this done that, then I wouldn't be in this position. It drives me insane because I can't go back and fix things. It seems like love can become so fragile at the seven year mark.
I FEEL I CAN NEVER GET OVER THIS.