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126 Posts
I need some perspective.
My wife likes to have one of her siblings over at our place and they usually stay for several weeks. I feel I have come a long way in our rel’p in accepting her need to be with her family as this used to be a sore point for her since I would explain -now I know this to be insecure and wrongheaded- to her that a H and W should strive to create their own separate family and not necessarily have constant contact with their parents/siblings. So because I love her I have worked hard to learn to accept her need to be close to her family), in fact, I like her family just not too long and not too close.
Now, I encourage her but, by the same token, I tell her that I won’t necessarily be able or willing to spend that time directly with her sibling (and her, together) frequently as they tend to put me on edge if I am with them for extended periods. Ok, so far so good.
Again, it is not that I dislike her family, rather it is that I can only handle so much time with them (I find their idiosyncrasies to be aggravating as would anyone, I suppose given such proximity and protraction) and several week stretches for me, especially since I work from home, are distracting and if too intense provoke anxiety in me.
Now the problem. I feel that my w tends to behave more authoritarian when around her family (she is incredibly protective or the point of aggressiveness) and it absolutely irks me. Her family had a tradition of internal alliances that worked against unity, though this is based on my own observation, and I readily concede I am no expert to comment on their behaviours.
I find that even if I get out of the way, when she is stressed by work and especially around her sibling she overreacts to minor inconveniences she pins on me. I choose to disengage from her afterwards until I feel I have calmed down. Then when she is calm and wants to discuss things rationally I explain how she upset me. Yet, I still even afterwards find it difficult to want to reengage with her after these outbursts and it takes me some time to get past the hurt from her overreactions. Should I be feeling this way and I am I taking things to closely to heart? Am I overreacting? Perhaps I need ic to work through my own insecurities?
My wife likes to have one of her siblings over at our place and they usually stay for several weeks. I feel I have come a long way in our rel’p in accepting her need to be with her family as this used to be a sore point for her since I would explain -now I know this to be insecure and wrongheaded- to her that a H and W should strive to create their own separate family and not necessarily have constant contact with their parents/siblings. So because I love her I have worked hard to learn to accept her need to be close to her family), in fact, I like her family just not too long and not too close.
Now, I encourage her but, by the same token, I tell her that I won’t necessarily be able or willing to spend that time directly with her sibling (and her, together) frequently as they tend to put me on edge if I am with them for extended periods. Ok, so far so good.
Again, it is not that I dislike her family, rather it is that I can only handle so much time with them (I find their idiosyncrasies to be aggravating as would anyone, I suppose given such proximity and protraction) and several week stretches for me, especially since I work from home, are distracting and if too intense provoke anxiety in me.
Now the problem. I feel that my w tends to behave more authoritarian when around her family (she is incredibly protective or the point of aggressiveness) and it absolutely irks me. Her family had a tradition of internal alliances that worked against unity, though this is based on my own observation, and I readily concede I am no expert to comment on their behaviours.
I find that even if I get out of the way, when she is stressed by work and especially around her sibling she overreacts to minor inconveniences she pins on me. I choose to disengage from her afterwards until I feel I have calmed down. Then when she is calm and wants to discuss things rationally I explain how she upset me. Yet, I still even afterwards find it difficult to want to reengage with her after these outbursts and it takes me some time to get past the hurt from her overreactions. Should I be feeling this way and I am I taking things to closely to heart? Am I overreacting? Perhaps I need ic to work through my own insecurities?