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I think I just didn't understand it in your country's context. Where I live, many men go to prostitutes. Their wives know and no one really thinks much of it. Actually, I have friends from all over the world and most of them also have this in their cultures. I have friends from Russia, Ukraine, Pakistan, Morocco, all over. My Russian friend told me when he lived in Australia, they would go get oral sex every day during lunch. Personally, I don't have such a strong sex drive and find the idea of these women a bit gross. However, I have never considered my friends to be cheating on their wives with their actions. Also, so long as it does not become a problem, their wives' don't seem to care too much either. Even my own wife knows I have gone with friends to the brothels and she has never been upset about it.

-edit for clarity, I went and had massages while my friends took advantage of the other offerings. I've never slept with these prostitutes. I have no interest in this.-

Casual sex between a married man and some random woman is very different than casual sex between a married woman and some random man. It's evolutionary. Men provide protection and resources, women provide exclusive access to their wombs. This is the deal of the sexes. Many women would be angry with a man that didn't want a job, but far less men would be upset about a woman that wanted to stay at home. But, again, this may be cultural. I'm thinking you have a different idea of what the relationship between a man and a woman is. I don't think we should discuss this here. I have said what I had to say and will say no more in the OPs thread.
No, there is no difference between women or men having sex with random people. This includes having sex with a male or female prostitute. If men can go to prostitutes or have casual sex because there are sexual things that their wives will not do, then why can't women go to male prostitutes for the same reason. There are many men who are selfish lovers. There are many men who refuse to have sex with their wives. So if a man can go out of a marriage, the woman should be able to as well.

In cultures where women do not have many rights, some men do use prostitutes and think that it's ok for them to do that. In cultures where women are more equal by law and socially, men are held to the same standard that women are held to. It's not acceptable for a married man or women to have sex outside the marriage whether the person they are having sex with is a prostitute or not.

There are prostitutes in very country in the world. There are men who use prostitutes in very country in the world. In the USA there are men who do this. Usually their wife will not stay with them if they find out.

I've lived all over the world. Few women anywhere accept men going to prostitutes or having casual sex outside of their marriage.
 

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Discussion Starter #23
All I'm saying is that I think, of my friends that have gone to prostitutes, most are decent guys. Not all, mind you. One guy I knew turned out to be a piece of **** and abandoned his wife and child. Really a terrible guy. I don't know what kind of man could do this. But, anyway, in general, most of them are just normal.

I've never had an urge for prostitutes and it would be strange for me to fight this battle on their behalf. I'm not emotionally invested in this enough to want that. However, on behalf of my friends, I feel I need to at-least say that many men have done this and I think most are good people that love their families very much. That's all I will say. I'm not looking for a conflict over this. I think we can all be friends.
 

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There are male prostitutes that service women, you know this right? Would you be ok if your wife visits a male prostitute and has sex with them?.
Naw, I don't think most men are ok with it. Some are, and want to be part of or observe the action. Some don't care. Most are not.
 

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All I'm saying is that I think, of my friends that have gone to prostitutes, most are decent guys. Not all, mind you. One guy I knew turned out to be a piece of **** and abandoned his wife and child. Really a terrible guy. I don't know what kind of man could do this. But, anyway, in general, most of them are just normal.

I've never had an urge for prostitutes and it would be strange for me to fight this battle on their behalf. I'm not emotionally invested in this enough to want that. However, on behalf of my friends, I feel I need to at-least say that many men have done this and I think most are good people that love their families very much. That's all I will say. I'm not looking for a conflict over this. I think we can all be friends.
I think possibly some of the wives of your friends who “don’t care” that they go to prostitute have their own thing on the side. That’s why they “don’t care”.

I understand you are just describing what you are seeing. But what you are not seeing is the women’s actual point of view in this. You are seeing the front that the women put up because they know men in your cultures will never believe the truth, they will always believe that men are one way and women are another way. The women know this and play along because in reality, people who don’t value fidelity can be men or women. It’s just that in your culture the women have to pretend to play along so the men can continue to believe they are the only ones who are complete sexual beings.

Perhaps it is true your wife doesn’t care if you get a massage from a hooker. But it also may be true she has other thoughts about this that she would never share with you because she already knows you don’t see women the same as men. So why bother to change your mind. Much easier to just go with what you think and know the reality for herself without discussing it with you.

That’s how my friends described it anyway. They said men think like you, they think it’s just inherently different for men and women and that men somehow have needs women don’t have. They said they never ever dispute or even discuss this with men because there is no point. So they do their own thing with whatever hot young buck they want (because women don’t have to pay men for sex) and that this is just an unspoken thing the women all have a smirk about.

These women also “love their husbands very much” but the bottom line is that they don’t care if they screw hookers because they are a screwing whoever they want.

One of my friends also said a lot of children are born from a man other than the husband, and that since the husband would never even consider she may have been unfaithful, it’s “not an issue”.

So while these wives are telling your friends oh who cares you go ahead and sleep with hookers it’s no big deal, they know the men will believe this nonsense. That’s very advantageous for the wives that men believe such nonsense.
 

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Wierd, but true story. One of my first accounting firms had one of "those" partners. A good percentage of his clientele were kind of sketchy. So, I get a bookkeeping assignment. Easy peasy for a first year guy. I realize when I get there, that it is a body rub parlor. Fine, its got office space away from activities, and I was just married, and frankly, thanks but no thanks. I mean the ladies were attractive, but not my taste, I guess. So, I get home, and tell my wife where I am working for the next week. Grin across her face, she wants to meet me for lunch. So I mention to the place's manager that my wife is going to meet me. (I really did not want her coming in the front door of the place) Nope, not my girl. Breezed right on in, walks through the place as if she owns it. She was selling cosmetics at the time, and left a catalog. In short, she found customers and got calls from a few other similar operations. I got used to my wife selling cosmetics to "attendants".
 

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I think I just didn't understand it in your country's context. Where I live, many men go to prostitutes. Their wives know and no one really thinks much of it. Actually, I have friends from all over the world and most of them also have this in their cultures. I have friends from Russia, Ukraine, Pakistan, Morocco, all over. My Russian friend told me when he lived in Australia, they would go get oral sex every day during lunch. Personally, I don't have such a strong sex drive and find the idea of these women a bit gross. However, I have never considered my friends to be cheating on their wives with their actions. Also, so long as it does not become a problem, their wives' don't seem to care too much either. Even my own wife knows I have gone with friends to the brothels and she has never been upset about it.

-edit for clarity, I went and had massages while my friends took advantage of the other offerings. I've never slept with these prostitutes. I have no interest in this.-

Casual sex between a married man and some random woman is very different than casual sex between a married woman and some random man. It's evolutionary. Men provide protection and resources, women provide exclusive access to their wombs. This is the deal of the sexes. Many women would be angry with a man that didn't want a job, but far less men would be upset about a woman that wanted to stay at home. But, again, this may be cultural. I'm thinking you have a different idea of what the relationship between a man and a woman is. I don't think we should discuss this here. I have said what I had to say and will say no more in the OPs thread.
Haha - I'm an Aussie, apart from the usual torrid office affairs where people "get a room" at lunchtime, it is most certainly not part of our culture that people run off to hookers at lunch time. Gross.

And there is zero difference btw men and women using hookers. Both are gross and disgusting. It IS cheating. "Forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him/her" remember?

All I'm saying is that I think, of my friends that have gone to prostitutes, most are decent guys. Not all, mind you. One guy I knew turned out to be a piece of **** and abandoned his wife and child. Really a terrible guy. I don't know what kind of man could do this. But, anyway, in general, most of them are just normal.

I've never had an urge for prostitutes and it would be strange for me to fight this battle on their behalf. I'm not emotionally invested in this enough to want that. However, on behalf of my friends, I feel I need to at-least say that many men have done this and I think most are good people that love their families very much. That's all I will say. I'm not looking for a conflict over this. I think we can all be friends.
No they're not decent guys. Decent guys don't use hookers.
 

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This is all becoming very emotional and personal. No one here has ever met those guys and I say they are quite decent fellows. It seems this issue is very emotional for those posting and I want no part of continuing this conversation. So, I will not come back into this post no matter what is said. You can all have at whatever conversation you choose. I'm out.
 

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This is all becoming very emotional and personal. No one here has ever met those guys and I say they are quite decent fellows. It seems this issue is very emotional for those posting and I want no part of continuing this conversation. So, I will not come back into this post no matter what is said. You can all have at whatever conversation you choose. I'm out.
Translation: It’s ok to go to hookers when you are married because I say so and no one else can have an opinion.
 

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A person how uses hookers or has sex outside of marriage is not a decent person. A decent person does not put their spouses health at risk by having sex with people who have high chance of having an STD. Then he goes home, has sex with his wife and infects her.

A person is only as decent as the worst thing they do.
 

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All I'm saying is that I think, of my friends that have gone to prostitutes, most are decent guys. Not all, mind you. One guy I knew turned out to be a piece of **** and abandoned his wife and child. Really a terrible guy. I don't know what kind of man could do this. But, anyway, in general, most of them are just normal.

I've never had an urge for prostitutes and it would be strange for me to fight this battle on their behalf. I'm not emotionally invested in this enough to want that. However, on behalf of my friends, I feel I need to at-least say that many men have done this and I think most are good people that love their families very much. That's all I will say. I'm not looking for a conflict over this. I think we can all be friends.
Decent guys but ****ty husbands assuming their wives don't know and wouldn't approve. Which makes them ****ty in one of if not the primary responsibilitie of their life. Not to mention if they took vows or are hiding it then they are liars. And also the fact that they are putting their wives health and emotional well being at risk, and the the possibility of their family braking up, so it's their kids too. All so they can get off.

I guess it depends on what you mean by decent. I guess what you mean by descent they are nice to you and you enjoy their company, hell maybe they can even keep a job. OK but they are pretty ****ty family men.

I mean this is kind of a joke right? Their wives are the primary realationship in their life and they basically betray them so they can have an orgasm. OK dude, yeah they great. /s
 

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Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't see how it is too big of a deal for a man to visit a prostitute. Maybe your wife would feel better if she knew you were visiting many different prostitutes and not just one. If you are just going to the same one over and over, it is like a second wife you are supporting. That's definitely cheating, especially if you do not have the finances to afford it. Maybe you should let your wife know that you are not planning to abandon her for this prostitute and you are not planning to take care of this prostitute as another wife; you are only doing it for sexual gratification.
ok, would you be ok with your wife having sex with the gorgeous Adonis younger male with great body, muscles in all the right places, masseuse she goes to? If you have no issues with that, then good for you. Just remember sex with you afterwards will probably be bleh, that bald head and beer belly, no muscles, sagging skin etc. Some men dont realise the devastation such activities wrought on their wives. They think because there’s no emotion it’s ok, but God forbid their wives were to do the same thing. Hypocrites!
 

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All I'm saying is that I think, of my friends that have gone to prostitutes, most are decent guys. Not all, mind you. One guy I knew turned out to be a piece of **** and abandoned his wife and child. Really a terrible guy. I don't know what kind of man could do this. But, anyway, in general, most of them are just normal.

I've never had an urge for prostitutes and it would be strange for me to fight this battle on their behalf. I'm not emotionally invested in this enough to want that. However, on behalf of my friends, I feel I need to at-least say that many men have done this and I think most are good people that love their families very much. That's all I will say. I'm not looking for a conflict over this. I think we can all be friends.
really? Idont know which culture you are talking about where it is acceptable, could you elaborate? I don’t believe there is any culture in the world where wives would accept this. They accept it cause they don’t know about it or are limited by chauvinistic laws and social norms cause after all the man and his pleasures must come first, what a load of crap!
 

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I think it's pretty easy:
-Guy runs around with hookers behind his wife's back. Cheating
-Guy and his wife agree that for whatever reason, the husband can get his "needs" satisfied outside of the marriage by hookers or other women. Not cheating. Not my idea of a marriage and immoral (IMO) but not cheating.

Anyway, to my point above, if it's so normal and expected in your culture, then the husband would be open about it (even if he didn't flaunt it in her face). it would be normal for him to say "oh hey...i'm going to be a little late home tonight as i'm stopping off at the brothel....don't wait for me for dinner". Just like he would do if he were playing cards with his buddies or going shopping.
 

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I think it's pretty easy:
-Guy runs around with hookers behind his wife's back. Cheating
-Guy and his wife agree that for whatever reason, the husband can get his "needs" satisfied outside of the marriage by hookers or other women. Not cheating. Not my idea of a marriage and immoral (IMO) but not cheating.

Anyway, to my point above, if it's so normal and expected in your culture, then the husband would be open about it (even if he didn't flaunt it in her face). it would be normal for him to say "oh hey...i'm going to be a little late home tonight as i'm stopping off at the brothel....don't wait for me for dinner". Just like he would do if he were playing cards with his buddies or going shopping.
Nah, half of the fun for these guys is thinking they're putting one over on the old lady. The couple operate under the policy of don't ask and don't tell. That way they can maintain a veneer of civility and pretend they have a real marriage. Plus, the husband gets to feel all warm and fuzzy because his wife loves him SO much that she allows these little "indiscretions". The minute he's out of the house, she's banging the gardener. It's all smoke and mirrors.
 

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Nah, half of the fun for these guys is thinking they're putting one over on the old lady. The couple operate under the policy of don't ask and don't tell. That way they can maintain a veneer of civility and pretend they have a real marriage. Plus, the husband gets to feel all warm and fuzzy because his wife loves him SO much that she allows these little "indiscretions". The minute he's out of the house, she's banging the gardener. It's all smoke and mirrors.
I'm sure that's the case but I wasn't trying to say what usually happens. I was answering the OP's question of whether we thought it was cheating or not. "Putting one over on the old lady" means doing it without her knowledge or consent. In other words "cheating" so I think that answers the question.
 

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Actually, the OP didn't start this thread. The first post was a comment he made on another thread and a moderator decided to move related comments to this new thread so as not to thread-jack. Clear as mud, huh.
 

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Actually, the OP didn't start this thread. The first post was a comment he made on another thread and a moderator decided to move related comments to this new thread so as not to thread-jack. Clear as mud, huh.
OK, I wasn't concerned with how the thread was started. The OP's question is: "(is) visiting a sex worker cheating on a spouse or not". If you're saying that's not the OP's question or they didn't write those words then that's between the OP and the forum. We just need to assume that words written here are written by the ID to which those words are attributed. :rolleyes:
 
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