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Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't see how it is too big of a deal for a man to visit a prostitute. Maybe your wife would feel better if she knew you were visiting many different prostitutes and not just one. If you are just going to the same one over and over, it is like a second wife you are supporting. That's definitely cheating, especially if you do not have the finances to afford it. Maybe you should let your wife know that you are not planning to abandon her for this prostitute and you are not planning to take care of this prostitute as another wife; you are only doing it for sexual gratification.
 

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Another thing:

Update:
I approached my wife, I begged to give me a chance to speak, and she can think about it after.
I told her that I have thought hard in the last few days and I have realized that I was so blinded by my sexual desire that I completely lost my moral value, my dignity and committed this despicable crime against my marriage and ruined my family. The thought of a divorce and a picture of us living apart is killing me, I can't imagine my life without my wife and kids, I now realize that I love her very much, we've spend over 30 years together and it will be devastated to both of us to throw it away. I understand that she probably would not believe anything I say or promise, but I now have realized that I so much cherish this beautiful family that we've built together, if I can get a second chance, I will devote the rest of my life making it up to her.
She said the wound I gave her is so deep, she's still in so much pain, she needs to think about it.
That was all I was hoping for.
Don't you think maybe you are giving your wife the impression that it was a lot bigger of an issue than just going to a prostitute? If you are begging on your knees with weeping eyes, it doesn't seem like this was some non-issue to you. You are showing her through your actions that, in-fact, it was a very big deal. Even if she would have been inclined to have brushed it off, your behavior is telling her that it is something very serious. I suspect that is making it much more difficult for her to get over it. You are making her into a victim. At-least, that is my opinion. Like I said, it could be a cultural difference and I'm just not understanding the problem.
 

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Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't see how it is too big of a deal for a man to visit a prostitute. Maybe your wife would feel better if she knew you were visiting many different prostitutes and not just one. If you are just going to the same one over and over, it is like a second wife you are supporting. That's definitely cheating, especially if you do not have the finances to afford it. Maybe you should let your wife know that you are not planning to abandon her for this prostitute and you are not planning to take care of this prostitute as another wife; you are only doing it for sexual gratification.
It’s cheating!!


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Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't see how it is too big of a deal for a man to visit a prostitute. Maybe your wife would feel better if she knew you were visiting many different prostitutes and not just one. If you are just going to the same one over and over, it is like a second wife you are supporting. That's definitely cheating, especially if you do not have the finances to afford it. Maybe you should let your wife know that you are not planning to abandon her for this prostitute and you are not planning to take care of this prostitute as another wife; you are only doing it for sexual gratification.
Most women would view this as grounds for divorce.
Including, apparently, the OP's spouse (and maybe, even the kids) as well.
 

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Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't see how it is too big of a deal for a man to visit a prostitute. Maybe your wife would feel better if she knew you were visiting many different prostitutes and not just one. If you are just going to the same one over and over, it is like a second wife you are supporting. That's definitely cheating, especially if you do not have the finances to afford it. Maybe you should let your wife know that you are not planning to abandon her for this prostitute and you are not planning to take care of this prostitute as another wife; you are only doing it for sexual gratification.
It's a very big & bad thing to most women if their husband visits a prostitute. One issue is that prostitutes often have STD's. There is also the issue of wedding vows and monogamy It's a form a adulatory.

There are male prostitutes that service women, you know this right? Would you be ok if your wife visits a male prostitute and has sex with them?.
 

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Maybe it's a cultural thing. I don't see how it is too big of a deal for a man to visit a prostitute. Maybe your wife would feel better if she knew you were visiting many different prostitutes and not just one. If you are just going to the same one over and over, it is like a second wife you are supporting. That's definitely cheating, especially if you do not have the finances to afford it. Maybe you should let your wife know that you are not planning to abandon her for this prostitute and you are not planning to take care of this prostitute as another wife; you are only doing it for sexual gratification.
Because it is adultery and a betrayal. Not to mention the risk of disease.

This isn't a cultural thing. This is a character thing. Thinking it's no big deal to cheat on your spouse is a character failing.
 

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Another thing:



Don't you think maybe you are giving your wife the impression that it was a lot bigger of an issue than just going to a prostitute? If you are begging on your knees with weeping eyes, it doesn't seem like this was some non-issue to you. You are showing her through your actions that, in-fact, it was a very big deal. Even if she would have been inclined to have brushed it off, your behavior is telling her that it is something very serious. I suspect that is making it much more difficult for her to get over it. You are making her into a victim. At-least, that is my opinion. Like I said, it could be a cultural difference and I'm just not understanding the problem.
He is doing exactly what he should be as someone who understand how big a deal betrayal IS

You could do with some self-examination.
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
He is doing exactly what he should be as someone who understand how big a deal betrayal IS

You could do with some self-examination.
I think I just didn't understand it in your country's context. Where I live, many men go to prostitutes. Their wives know and no one really thinks much of it. Actually, I have friends from all over the world and most of them also have this in their cultures. I have friends from Russia, Ukraine, Pakistan, Morocco, all over. My Russian friend told me when he lived in Australia, they would go get oral sex every day during lunch. Personally, I don't have such a strong sex drive and find the idea of these women a bit gross. However, I have never considered my friends to be cheating on their wives with their actions. Also, so long as it does not become a problem, their wives' don't seem to care too much either. Even my own wife knows I have gone with friends to the brothels and she has never been upset about it.

-edit for clarity, I went and had massages while my friends took advantage of the other offerings. I've never slept with these prostitutes. I have no interest in this.-

Casual sex between a married man and some random woman is very different than casual sex between a married woman and some random man. It's evolutionary. Men provide protection and resources, women provide exclusive access to their wombs. This is the deal of the sexes. Many women would be angry with a man that didn't want a job, but far less men would be upset about a woman that wanted to stay at home. But, again, this may be cultural. I'm thinking you have a different idea of what the relationship between a man and a woman is. I don't think we should discuss this here. I have said what I had to say and will say no more in the OPs thread.
 

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I think I just didn't understand it in your country's context. Where I live, many men go to prostitutes. Their wives know and no one really thinks much of it. Actually, I have friends from all over the world and most of them also have this in their cultures. I have friends from Russia, Ukraine, Pakistan, Morocco, all over. My Russian friend told me when he lived in Australia, they would go get oral sex every day during lunch. Personally, I don't have such a strong sex drive and find the idea of these women a bit gross. However, I have never considered my friends to be cheating on their wives with their actions. Also, so long as it does not become a problem, their wives' don't seem to care too much either. Even my own wife knows I have gone with friends to the brothels and she has never been upset about it.

-edit for clarity, I went and had massages while my friends took advantage of the other offerings. I've never slept with these prostitutes. I have no interest in this.-

Casual sex between a married man and some random woman is very different than casual sex between a married woman and some random man. It's evolutionary. Men provide protection and resources, women provide exclusive access to their wombs. This is the deal of the sexes. Many women would be angry with a man that didn't want a job, but far less men would be upset about a woman that wanted to stay at home. But, again, this may be cultural. I'm thinking you have a different idea of what the relationship between a man and a woman is. I don't think we should discuss this here. I have said what I had to say and will say no more in the OPs thread.
Men who are faithful do not go to prostitutes, that is adultery. In fact many would see that as worse than an affair with a woman who isn't a prostitute. Plus the risk of catching an std from someone who gives oral sex is massive. BTW my husband is Australian and good faithful men from any country would not go to prostitutes, nothing to do with culture. That is just an excuse.
 

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Sex with anyone other than your spouse is cheating, whether it is paid for or not. Obviously that may not apply in some relationships that are "open" or have otherwise agreed to it, but for most relationships that would be cheating.

I wouldn't say that a prostitute is any better or worse than a ONS or long-term AP. Each situation is different but they are all cheating, all have different issues, and are all terrible things to do.

Plus there is the human trafficking issues and the CSA background that many of those people have. And, you know, the yuck factor... :sick:
 

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Men provide protection and resources,
How is risking giving their wives STIs and STDs providing protection? Spending money on prostitutes depletes family resources.

If your friends treat their wives the way you treat yours, I can see why their wives would prefer the husbands to take it elsewhere. Plus, the wives are probably afraid they would be beaten if they objected.
 

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There are male prostitutes that service women, you know this right? Would you be ok if your wife visits a male prostitute and has sex with them?.
OP. Would you please answer Ele?

I'm curious what you think as well.

Is it ok for your wife to just get good sex from an escort since she would be still taking care of you at home and not in love with them?
 

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OP. Would you please answer Ele?

I'm curious what you think as well.

Is it ok for your wife to just get good sex from an escort since she would be still taking care of you at home and not in love with them?
I'm guessing that would be a "no" based on this...

Casual sex between a married man and some random woman is very different than casual sex between a married woman and some random man. It's evolutionary. Men provide protection and resources, women provide exclusive access to their wombs.
 

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I'm guessing that would be a "no" based on this...
Yeah. I wanted some direct confrontation on it. Seeing as how it is perfectly recreational and not procreational, I can't see his evolutionary argument.

It's an absurd argument anyway because conversely, a woman could mate with stronger men than her husband to produce stronger offspring while her husband provides.

Pretty nowhere argument he is making.
 

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P.S. prostitutes are women so according to your argument, they shouldn't be having sex with random men.

Do you even vet your own arguments before saying them?
 

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I’ve had a couple of female friends from the cultures mentioned. The ones where women supposedly are faithful even though their men visit prostitutes.

What they told me was that the women who have husbands like this also cheat, but they do it discretely with men they know. So while the husband is out chasing hookers, she will be screwing the pool boy, her boss, and the husband’s brother.

They aren’t jealous of the hookers, but of course the husbands would definitely be jealous if they knew she was screwing men she knows personally.

So they allow their husbands to believe he is getting it on the side but she isn’t, and since men in these cultures have the bizarre notion that women are inherently faithful it’s easy to get away with it. And of course the men they are cheating with would never confess and usually know the husbands, so these men can easily know when he is out of town.

They mocked how stupid men can be to believe men and women are different when it comes to sex. But they all know to keep all this on the down low so the women confide in each other about their affairs and laugh about their clueless husbands.

Meanwhile, to the public they act like oh yeah men go to hookers it’s just the way men are while we are so faithful, it’s just a cultural thing ha ha ha, all the way to their lover’s bed.
 
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