I'm the original poster of "Roomates and now cheating". I have had a lot of advice, and as might be expected, some good and some very extreme. I guess what I'd like to get out of this is how a man, who's gentle, kind and compassionate, is supposed to deal with the wife who is now on an extended absence (okay, sex tour as one of you put it) with a suitor. Anyhow, I've been made to feel like I'm sort of the village idiot here, and I'd like to take this to another level.
What everyone doesn't know is all the background; my bipolar disorder and how it's stunted my development as a "manly-man", our financial straits and how our current situation doesn't allow for anyone to kick anyone else out without it literally causing homelessness, bankruptcy and foreclosure.
My wife is something of a hoarder (not serious like on the reality shows, she's actually a collector who has gotten out of control); I cannot take her stuff and put it on the front lawn. There is no front lawn big enough for that. And calling 1800GOTJUNK isn't a solution; I couldn't afford them if I wanted to.
I know I am being walked all over. Make no mistake; I'm fully aware, and angry about it. But the changes I have to make to myself are extreme, and they don't come easily or quickly.
I have recently dropped 70 lbs. I am not ugly, not the kind of person who would have a hard time finding a relationship, but that is the last thing I want right now. I want my relationship, repaired and renewed, and am willing to fight to have that back, without having a divorce. If that's what ends up happening, I guess I'll move on but what I'm seeking here is to hear from people who don't necessarily think it's time to move on yet.
I also am a spiritual man, a Christian who believes that God can intervene and repair things if it's in His will to do it. I am not a Christian who believe that God makes every move - many times, He allows things to happen that are not good, and we, because of our own free will, cause much damage. But He is, ultimately, the healer, and I also hold out some hope that healing can come.
We have 2 kids who my wife is reluctant to tell this about. If I've yelled at her about anything, it's about how important it is SHE tell them, since this is her thing. The people who say I should expose her to everyone I just cannot agree with. Some things need to be done with gentility, and our children, although grown up and pretty much out on their own, are precious, and somewhat delicate.
Her entire family knows about what is going on, and they, like me, are astounded, based on the fact that this is behavior that is so unlike her that it's got everyone flabbergasted. Our pastor and people in the church are aware. Other than to the kids, (who live far away and are unlikely to hear anything through word-of-mouth), she is completely outed.
Who I'd like to hear from is people who have gone through something like this and reconciled, as, yes, I'd still prefer reconciliation to just chucking 16 years of what was, on many levels, a good marriage.
Maybe I'm just looking for some comfort to ease my pain, I don't know, but maybe someone can shed some light on how one might survive an instance like this and come out with an intact marriage.
