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My husband is addicted to video games but does not think so, and therefore refuses to do anything. Sometimes he will stay up late or get up early to play them. But lately he has been playing during work time. He works on the computer out of our home and lately 9 out of 10 times I go into his office he's playing games instead of working. He insists that he is not addicted and that there is no such thing as computer/video game addiction.

We also have a 1 year old and a 2 year old. One day recently I was ill so my husband said he would take the day off work so that I could rest in bed and he'd take care of the kids. He was on the computer playing video games the whole time! And lately the 2 year old is scared of him and doesn't want him to come home when he's out because "he screams" too much.

I don't know what to do. It doesn't seem to faze him that I experiencing extreme anguish. Is leaving him the only thing that will wake him up to this problem? I've told him he has to choose between me and the games but he refuses to stop them.
 

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record him screaming and keep a log of the amount of time he plays. If he sees it in black and white, he may have a different perspective.
 

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I want two make a suggestion here for you to try something a little out of the ordinary. Rather than calling this an addiction, call it stress relief. Naturally, your type of stress relief may be completely different than his. Somewhere, there is middle ground for you both.

Ask him to wait on playing games until you can join him. Both of you take care of the kids, get the kids to bed, tell them stories and kiss them good night. Then, both of you go shuttle off to the computers and play video games. There is a huge social component attached to video games these days. One can make really fantastic friends just over the simple Internet. I kid you not.

Rather than nit-picking him about this, use a little different angle. And, make sure that it is not games every night. Set aside a schedule for your type of stress relief and also time for kids. You all will have something to look forward to when it's your day for special time.

Even if you hate video games or loathe computers, that is no excuse not to engage him in something that he likes to do. But, it needs to be equal stress relief for everyone concerned. It can't all be games. Good luck to you.
 

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When I met my husband he played Everquest but he was very good about only playing when I was not home or busy doing something else.We made the mistake of starting to play World of Warcraft together and that is all we did everything else was put on the back burner we had no social life chores around the house were neglected and no extra time was spent with my daughter.
This ruined our marriage and now we have both moved on I live alone with my daughter and we have a wonderful relationship.I took the game off my computer and I feel so much better for doing it.A person can become very addicted to gaming and it can ruin relationships and make a person very lazy so it is not a very healthy life style either.
 

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CHouston,
Here's the signs of video game addiction imo:

1. You wake up thinking about [the game]
2. You go to sleep thinking about [the game]
3. You talk non-stop about [the game]
4. You plan your life around [the game]. e.g. I have to be home to raid, group with so and so, etc. My out of state family wants to come visit but I'm busy with [the game] or my husband or grown children want to go out but I'm busy that night because I promised my online friends that I'd be available to play [the game].
5. You forget to eat, clean, sleep because your playing [the game]
6. You get angry if you are interrupted while playing [the game]
7. Your spouse tries to talk to you and you say, "in just a minute" and then the minute turns in to 3 hours because you forgot. Why? Because you were too focused on [the game]

P.S. Yes, you CAN make very good friends playing a video game. Unfortunately, they will end up your ONLY friends because you will NOT have a life "in real life". You will have a VIRTUAL life. :(
This is all very much true...when i met my husband he was playing Final Fantasy XI online. I wasnt much into it at the start, but the more I watched him play, the more it interested me, so I gave it a shot, it came addicting fast, we played from the time we woke up to the time we passed out..if the family made plans to cook out, we would have them plan around a time that we wouldnt be "raiding" on the game. He played for 5-6 years, ever how long its been out, i played for 4, we just quit playing about a week ago..our son walked up to my H and asked to go fishin, and H told him he couldnt cause he didnt have the money due to payin for the game.

It clicked in my H head that he didnt want to take away from our son to play a game, so he quit paying for it.. we were paying $50 a month to play it...

Its very addicting and can ruin lives, relationships, even make you emo at times... I agree with Lost, the only solution is to give up the game, maybe if you throw reality in his face, and go stay with family or friends for a while, he will wake up and see that the game isnt worth losing his family over.

Im sorry you're going thru this, its a long hard process to get an addicted gamer to realize the addiction and to fix it, hope it works out in the end for you. Best of luck.
 

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I love your post.. in fact I was going to post something very similar. My husband and I have 5 month old twins as well as his two teenage daughters from a previous marriage so you would think we had our hands full right? Wrong I have my hands full and he is busy playing Wow. It is infuriating. He spent 6 hours trying to figure out how to build a tunnel so that he could play at work without getting caught but he can't even come up with one single idea for a date night with me. I have tried to let it slide but now it is getting ridiculous and I am starting to feel completely ignored... he even would rather play the game then have sex now. So.. I can't give advice at this point but I can say that I feel your pain.

Best luck
 

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In regard to the WoW addicted husbands, I am going to assume that as soon as they gear themselves with their Tier 9 set, they should be set until the net expansion comes out. I'm a WoW player myself, although I never let it interfere with my actual offline life.

Men love their video games, and this is something I never understood until I started playing WoW myself. It helps me relieve the stress of a long day.

I limit myself. If I raid I will only do it once or twice a week.
 

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Its too bad they don't make video games men like that involve a nursery and baby care tasks that they could get hooked on.
Something to teach them how to change diapers, disinfect the changing table, give a baby a bath. Just think, if a man could get addicted to a game like that, he could go from VIRTUAL REALITY to REALITY !
but they never make any of those games that are popular to men with any useful purpose.
 

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Maybe after the nursery one someone could make the nagging wife one. You know, the one where no matter what you do or how much you do it, it's always nag nag nag nag nag? Then, when you finally beat the game your virtual wife no longer has sex with you...then Virtual Reality can become Reality.



John
 

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Sorry but video game addiction is real, women only nag nag nag when the guy sits on the couch and thinks: "Man, why is everyone on my case?" prcrastinate.
 

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I am sorry chouston u are going through these issues! I have a video game addict husband, he can spend up to 8 hours a day playing games, I cant stand it! The only way it has settled down "mildly" is I told him how much it bothers/annoys me and that I would love to spend some time with him when I come home from work, so now he has set times that he plays, either while I am at work or in the middle of the night(he is an insomniac) probably due to the dam video games lol He works nights so when he gets home at 1am, I go to bed, he gets on the games...fun stuff, try talking to him, or schedule set times that he can play, for example from 6pm-8pm until dinner is ready, then have him shut it off at least while you guys eat dinner. Also try and schedule activites for the weekends/plans, go the movies, dinner, out to the mall, whatever, just to get out of the house, I think the main reason certain people get so addicted to the video games is to kill time and because they are bored, but I truly believe if people understood how pissed off it makes their SO, they should work with them to come through with a solution that both parties will be happy with, I hope it all works out!
 

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I will give you and hopefully others some words of wisdom.

Anything can become a addiction.ANYTHING.

Food,drugs,alcohol,sex,video games,computers,online forums.....I could write examples all day.

Its how we cope with these addictions that heals us.

I am addicted to food,porn,sex,WOW.....but I do not,would not ever pick Porn or WOW/any Game for Sex with my Lady/wife.

I would literally walk on broken glass and cut my own flesh before I would choose anything like that over her.

Now I admit,I have taken a early break with her because I needed a bite to eat. LOL...But I do not make it a habit.

PS- There is a site called http://www.gamingsucks.com/ and http://gamerwidow.com/ There is a term for this problem,its called "WOWWidow"

Also in perspective now I think about it,I am also addicted to my Wife.I guess if I must be addicted to something,this is the best one to be addicted to.
 

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I will give you and hopefully others some words of wisdom.

Anything can become a addiction.ANYTHING.

Food,drugs,alcohol,sex,video games,computers,online forums.....I could write examples all day.

Its how we cope with these addictions that heals us.

I am addicted to food,porn,sex,WOW.....but I do not,would not ever pick Porn or WOW/any Game for Sex with my Lady/wife.

I would literally walk on broken glass and cut my own flesh before I would choose anything like that over her.

Now I admit,I have taken a early break with her because I needed a bite to eat. LOL...But I do not make it a habit.

PS- There is a site called http://www.gamingsucks.com/ and GamerWidow.com - Gaming's "Other Half" There is a term for this problem,its called "WOWWidow"

Also in perspective now I think about it,I am also addicted to my Wife.I guess if I must be addicted to something,this is the best one to be addicted to.
I'm well into WOW but if my wife stood there naked I'd be off the computer in a shot. (Well, after I'd finished the current quest that is - joke !!!).

I guess otherwise you've got a problem...
 

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I find it utterly amazing that this can become a issue.

I am still digesting this.I cannot believe that men/women would forgo sex to play a game.
Sadly it happens everyday.

I mean yeah my lvl 80 Warrior is pretty awesome and my DK at lvl 73 can kick butt.Not to mention my lvl 30 Dwarf Rogue,lvl 32 Human Paladin,lvl 20 Gnome Mage,lvl 34 Belf Hunter.

Honestly I have NEVER picked the game over my Wife though.

I am disabled,I have loads of time on my hands to play.I do NOT ignore my wife.I try to be a great husband.

I do NOT play just WOW.
 

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It doesn't shock me at all. Games are highly entertaining. Anymore, they are also effective at social bonding. People have real expectations you'll be there, and there are real emotions at play. It is interactive. It adapts to you.
Most importantly, it is massively convenient. It hardly takes any effort to log on and start playing.

Given the choice between folding socks while watching a chic-flick with the wife versus going online and playing with 30 or so mates begging for my help, she practically made the choice for me.

It really comes down to the player and the ability to recognize and prioritize life. Some just can't see that the game became a higher priority than it should be and that it's a bad choice.

Whether I like it or not, those socks still need to be folded, and my wife and I still need to spend time together to bond.

btw; after 5 years of gaming, 3 of which were "professional" (paid to play), I stopped playing. It really wasn't hard to stop playing the game. It was hard however to give up the prestige and online friendships. There is a part of every person that gets your ego stroked playing that you might not otherwise get in real life. You are the hero online, and just another middle-manager in real life. Online gaming is a great equalizer where age, race, physical prowess, looks, etc. don't really come into play. Not hard at all to see why so many like it.
 

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This topic got me thinking last night. My situation with computer gaming is rare, but did lead to a lot of issues in the marriage. So here’s my story:

I’ve always been a gamer. After getting married, the online gaming scene started to explode. I’d been a casual player (a few nights a week), and I was very, very good. I started into the clan scene to play with other players and get a bit more competitive. Eventually, this got me noticed by a top rated gaming clan and recruited. This substantially changed my gaming habits.

For the record, being on a "professional" team was like being on a real semi-pro sports team. Practice every night starting at 6:00pm and ending at midnight. Match nights were twice to three times a week, and you scrimmed other teams two times a night. And you were expected to play outside practice to hone individual skills (yes, like map spots, pixel aiming, and techniques). You were expected to review the match video and figure out how to improve for the next match on your own time. Then as a team, we’d adjust the strategy and practice. And I was just a bench warmer. Because of my family commitments, I had difficulty with their schedule, so I lost my spot on the lineup and was only brought in as a "specialist" on certain maps... in WoW terms, that's like being the extra healer for certain boss fights, then replaced when that fight is over.

I made sacrifices with gaming for my family. I refused to get on before 8:30 (after the kids were in bed and my chores done), and demanded Fridays and Saturdays for date nights. Due to that, I warmed the bench (I had the skill, but lacked the commitment): It also meant that I wasn't involved in the LANs, didn't get the new computers, wasn't flown to Europe and Asia for competitions, never saw any of the money winnings (over $100k per year), I wasn’t interviewed by 60minutes, I wasn’t invited to the direct-tv broadcast, and I seldom was mentioned or shown in the web cast matches. I could of been a star, but rode the bench instead so I could spend time with my wife and family. But I never got any respect from my wife at home.

My wife never grasped that she was married to a semi-pro “athlete” heavily involved in the “sport” that just happened to get discovered after we got married. To her, I was a geek, a nerd, a boy who needed to grow up, and some “other” choice names thrown at me. She never watched a match. She never met the other players. She never really understood what it was I was doing. She’d demean me in front of family and friends. Once, during a national championship league match, she even went out of her way to mess me up by covering the screen, unplugging the mouse, etc.. So, there’s several thousand viewers watching me play horribly and my teammates having to listen to us yelling and she’s got no clue; my team replaced me at the end of the round. It’s not like I got to play that much as part of the team and she wrecked it. That was a $5k match plus a new HP Blackbird she threw for me. It was severely embarrassing, but she just didn’t care. There wasn’t an ounce of respect and zero support. Worse, is even though I tried to get her to understand, she wouldn’t listen. What I was doing, she didn’t see as anything more than just playing video games... it’s like messing up a game of solitaire to her. “It’s just a game!”

I resent her for not showing any support, but blame myself for choosing gaming instead of just being a normal husband/father. It was hard on the marriage, particularly because she hated the concept of me doing this. It was extremely cool to be involved that deep in the competitive gaming and watching it evolve from minor online leagues to fully sponsored events where big corporate money was being invested in teams and players. I’m not sorry and still wish she would of understood and been a lot more supportive. It was an exciting time, but hardly something you could make a living off of. Even now, I’m not sure my choices would of been any different other than to try a lot harder to get her to see how this gaming evolved from just entertainment, to a real competitive event. She never, and still doesn’t recognize this as a sport. She made me feel really conflicted about it.

So here I am, one of the top players in the world, who’s well known within that gaming genre by thousands of hopeful players, who’s not even allowed to share any of this with the person I love the most. The team is earning enough that we have to form a corporation and file taxes, magazines are writing about us, we have fans, we’re wined and dined by the computer industry, yet at home I’m being made fun of. So it’s both a massive ego boost, and something I’m made to feel ashamed of.

Even though I’ve retired, she still blames that period for everything wrong with us: It is all my fault, it was an “addiction”, it was an “obsession”, I neglected her, I wasn’t supportive, I was a bad father, etc. For me, It’s something I was proud of, I treasure it more than I do my car racing trophies (another hobby I had to quit), I still try and keep in contact with the guys I played with, I treasure the memories, but there’s still a part of me that’s torn and ashamed of this time. So how am I supposed to view this period of my life? Is it a personal treasure most never experience, or is it something I should hide in the closet and be embarrassed about?
 

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I have played games since my dad had bought us a Atari 2600,games have been with me since I was young.I have thought it would be cool to try being "pro" at it to.
However there is a stigma with PC games.People think its for children.
My old WOW guild,(I am now a soloist)was made up almost entirely of over age 27 year olds,we had a couple 40 yr olds to.
I have played with people age 65 or older.

PC games are not childish.

People make millions a year developing these games,if your a good graphics artist you can pull in over $150,000 a year.If you write code even more money is paid out.Does that seem childish?People need to get over their misconceptions of what is truly a sport and what is childish.

@Racer-sounds like she is a bit controlling IMO.Sorry she could not at least try to understand that you were good at it and also MAKING MONEY TO SUPPORT THE FAMILY.Many people do not make a cent playing these games and still go through what you stated above.MOST of the time though it is compounded by other issues and resentments in the marriage.Playing WOW 12 hours a day alone would not break a marriage if everything else was going smoothly.If she has her needs met and the kids are good and money is ok,and those socks got folded.

My wife WANTS me to play,its my outlet,like reading a book.I am a WOW junky,I know the lore really well.I also tend to things my wife needs/wants done.However I have more time then the average person because I am disabled and in pain daily.Its my escape from the pain sometimes.

Don't let the resentment build up towards your wife,she needs to know about it.Calmly explain how you feel,maybe write it in a letter?She needs to understand how you feel and what exactly she cost you.Because by her actions she lost a "Micheal Jordan" of gaming.You also need to realize that maybe other areas of your marriage was being sacrificed for the game.Like I said above if you played 12 hours a day,MOST women would have little trouble with that if everything else was going smoothly.
I think maybe she had other resentment issues and the game was maybe keeping you from addressing these issues so she subconsciously blamed the game.

Anyway to put things into perspective.My need for sex is greater then my need for WOW,Halo,Unreal Tournement...etc.I love my games,but they are just something to do when she is not around.
My addiction to my wife is greater,and I think Racer,you figured that out to.

Games I am currently playing......

WOW x 3 accounts - Have Satellite connection
Evony - neat game kinda like the Stronghold series
2Moons - not logged for about 2 months,hate all the Hackers
Runes Of Magic - I like it alot but has latency issues.Log randomly on Tuesdays when WOW is down
Facebook - LOADS of Farming games....and Fish aquariums.LOL
 

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People make millions a year developing these games,if your a good graphics artist you can pull in over $150,000 a year.If you write code even more money is paid out.Does that seem childish?People need to get over their misconceptions of what is truly a sport and what is childish.
Software development pays well...that's nothing new...gaming software even moreso because of the physics involved. Software development is neither childish or a sport.

I suppose if gaming can actually generate income, I would see it more along the lines of competitive chess, but that has nothing to do with software development.

Both of my sons are gamers. They have their own gaming server and charge admins to pay for the costs...they are both teenagers and have dabbled in game programming and graphics, WoW videos...They both plan to study something related in university & hopefully make a career of it on the other side. I think the prospects are much greater for software developers than gamers.
MOST of the time though it is compounded by other issues and resentments in the marriage.Playing WOW 12 hours a day alone would not break a marriage if everything else was going smoothly.
Really? I cannot imagine being okay with my husband playing computer games 12 hours a day...seems extremely excessive....unless he's earning enough $ from it to support the family.
 

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I am kind of in the middle of this issue. I myself and a 21 yr wife and I LOVE video games. I say my age because in 10 yrs I might not have the same opinion. I think its a bit different for my husband and I because we both can play together. However I too can play for hrs bymelf, as does he. We play mainly Halo and Call of Duty. I think that how much someone can play has alot to do with the social aspect of it.

I have people I consider my "friends" on there that I can joke with and play with and have a good time. My husband has the same. Im not really sure where you can draw the line on it being an addiction because I myself have played for and entire day, and I have also not played for weeks and dont really have a issue with either. I guess its a specific persons view on the whole thing....

or im just a gamer......
 
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