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Vibrator use is

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Vibrators, Am I not enough?

17K views 133 replies 52 participants last post by  sparkyjim 
#1 ·
She's gorgeous and insatiable getting off daily... often multiple times a day. Married 6 months and terrific sex life. So.... why does she continue to use vibrators and get off daily? When together I'm more than happy to satisfy her appetite for multiple O's whether it's Oral, using the vibrator or rocking her world until she's gasping for air and begging me to stop. ... So, I feel like she's not saving her passion for me when she's getting satisfied with her toy. She says it just makes her even more horny to have sex with me when I get home from work. She knows how I feel but insists "it's my body and I'll do what I want and stop monitoring my vibrator use.. it's none of your business". Am I out of line?
 
#2 ·
Do you ever masturbate and/or use porn?

As long as you are satisfied sexually, I think she's right.

Your wife apparently has a very high sex drive. Does she have time in her day for anything else?
 
#4 ·
As long as you're not being deprived, you're out of line.

Same thing if you use porn to get off sometimes, but never turn down your wife.

Both can enhance - or cause problems if abused.
 
#5 ·
This is one reason why I don't even own one. Because at first it is ok to have, then it turns into jealousy over an inanimate object. I think you should be grateful she wants to have a go with it. You allow her to use it , even though it is just you two. I am sure at some point you though about her using it alone right?
She is just sexual. As long as it is her or both of you I don't see why...or maybe I am wrong...again. just some thoughts
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#8 ·
Does she have a job?

Is this for real?

In case it is, I get where you are coming from, to a point. It is just that we hear similar things from the otherside of the coin.

Past a point, she may be compensating for something, just like many guys are obsessed with porn and are trying to fill some void, no pun intended. Sometimes people get bored. Sometimes they use it to escape.

So what else does she do with her time? How do you know she does this? WTH?

I am not going to answer the poll. I would need more information. This may or may not be a problem.

Now if she got off everyday and did not have sex with you ... now that poll I could answer.
 
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#23 ·
#10 ·
It would bother me too if I worked away from home and she was a stay at home and did this.

Six months in I figure she would only be wanting your toy for a while longer. But if you married her and she was always in to her toys its on you man. YOu married a sexually liberated woman. YOu can enjoy it or let it haunt you.
 
#130 ·
I just wanted to add a thought to this. My husband and I also had a long distance relationship. He would often talk about how and how often he would satisfy himself when we were appart. I loved that he had an intense sex drive and dreamed of all the fun we would have once we could live together permanently. Well my dreams never came true. He is still satisfying himself on a regular basis despite the fact that I am now completely available and more than eager to please. My point being I never in a million years dreamed it would be like this once we lived together and I bet you did not either. So I do not agree with the thought "you knew before you married her"
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#12 ·
Wow.. what terrific, thoughtful and insightful feedback... to the person who asked how I know, I monitored where and how the toy was placed in the drawer.. when I asked if she got off today she'd reply that she had and get mad that I knew and she was being monitored. Others; I bought the vibrator(s) for her to use solo during our long distance and long term relationship. I just thought her use of them would be as couple's toys not rolling solo as often as she does. Has she turned me down for sex? never. Has our sex life changed in the past 6 months? Of course. Second marriage for both, blending families with kids in HS/college, building a new home, moving to be together...etc She was every man's dream and completely focused on pleasing her man sexually... oral, positions, locations.. anything anywhere she was all in. Since moving in together it's her using the vibrator during the day and we usually having pretty great sex at night... but, her focus on pleasing / orally me has changed and the routine is that she cums 2-3 times by me servicing her orally then finishing in any number of positions.... her delivery of oral sex to me completely vanished.. for months.. thus my concern than her vibrator is replacing me. To those who asked about my use of porn to get off. We have Playboy's around and she's bi-curious/comfortable so she's totally ok with porn. Do I use it to get off ? no As an executive in healthcare I'm working 10-12 hr days and have little time to rub one out.. and honestly feel that if I did it would shortchange my wife's pleasure. If I rubbed one out in my only free time.. the shower before coming to bed, then didn't perform for her.. is that fair... should I care since I know she got off already while I was at work? :scratchhead:
 
#13 ·
So the BJ's are gone for months now? Maybe she is being selfish. Finding all these ways to please herself when you are not there, on your long distance travels. She is has a high drive. Appreciate that. Just mention to her about the BJ's. Let her know you think she is being selfish. If you need to take care of yourself, do it. How could she get mad at you for that?
 
#15 ·
Just wondering because she sounds like my first wife whose motor was running 24/7. The woman just wasn't HD. She was obsessed with sex and it was a cure all.

What's going to happen if some stress comes in your marriage and you not in the mood and she's lying next to you in passing gear?

I guess what I'm asking is, what is your marriage like in the other rooms of the house? Can she withstand a dry spell you might experience down the road? A sex toy can only go so far.
 
#16 ·
The way I see it, most guys aren't fantastic giving their ladies oral and to orgasm, so the ladies use a vib to make up the difference. If she is in the mood, he isn't home, use the vib and she's good. If he is home, he can give her oral while she uses the vib at the same time, win, win for her. If us guys can have orgasms easily and quickly, I don't see why it should be any different for the ladies.:smthumbup:
 
#17 ·
The source of your issue is a lot clearer now. She has virtually stopped giving you BJ's.

You need to talk to her. Ask her why this has happened. Ask her how she would feel if you stopped doing oral on her. This might help her realize why bj's are important to you.
 
#18 ·
The poll questions:

ok for her to use solo whenever she likes
best when shared as a couple
either together or solo is fine
solo is fine as as long as it doesn't harm the relationship


You're kidding, right? It's okay for her to do whatever she wants in that arena. You don't have the right to tell her how she gets her orgasms. If she wants to masturbate with a stuffed animal, it's her business. She's harming no one.

On the other hand, if it causes issues with your relationship and sex life with her is made worse, you can file for divorce after asking her to increase the frequency of sex with her, if her answer is no.

Vibrators will cause her to be less sensitive to human sexual stimulus. Depends on how frequently she uses them.

A lack of bjs? I don't think there is any expectation of the way she has to get you off. It's up to her. You can only request a higher frequency of bjs. They don't directly do anything for her orgasm.

Maybe you aren't getting her off on a regular basis. That's what I think. If she was having orgasms from sex with you on a regular basis, she'd likely be more willing to give you something that does nothing for her.

What changed in you, since you got married?
 
#21 ·
So your real issue is that you aren't getting blow jobs like you used to?

What does she say about why the blow jobs have stopped?

I know I don't like to give blow jobs to completion very often. I have a better place for that lovely erection, a place that give BOTH of us pleasure.
 
#29 ·
We she let you watch?

To me a HD woman is a gold mine as long as she doesn't let anyone else dig except you.

As for the BJ's maybe you need to ask more or use positions where you both are working on each other at the same time.

If the vibrator doesn't desensitize her and make it harder for you to bring her to orgasm what's the harm.

Maybe ask her to send you a video every so often when she is doing it ......(that's f'n hot)

One last thing cherish this time she may not stay HD forever.
 
#30 ·
Love =Pain is right on the button.

"As for the BJ's maybe you need to ask more or use positions where you both are working on each other at the same time"

"One last thing cherish this time she may not stay HD forever"


Ive a app that tracks our Intimacy and so far here is our results after all im MisterGadget:)

No Oral on her (1month 18days)
No Oral on me (4months 5days)
No intercourse (1month 25 days)

So count yourself lucky.

The apps an android app called (Time since Widget lite)
 
#37 ·
Everyone is different. From what I have read with other situations some people have a "libido tank" that fills up naturally and needs to be refilled over time. Other people have more of a "libido river" where the desire just flows and is not affected by use.

From your description you are more of the "tank" type and your wife more of the "River" type. Recognize that she is built differently from you.

I do believe a spouse should have right of first refusal, given there is no shame or judgement if the asked spouse says no and the asking spouse takes care of their own needs.

For me, I was judged for taking care of myself when my spouse said no to me. This changed the way I feel about sex with her and lowered (or killed) my desire with her. Just a warning about judging your spouse could cost your marriage her desire later on.

My advice, let her enjoy if you are not interested. Maybe watch, take pictures and or/participate.
 
#39 ·
A vibrator is just a faster way of getting off. If it were enough there would be no need for sexual relationships. People would just masturbate all the time and be fine with that. If there were ever a corner of the internet proving that masturbation isn't everything - it's this board.
 
#40 ·
I agree!

Vibrators and sex toys are fun, but there is no emotional connection with them. Real sex and solo pleasure meet different needs. And, there's nothing weird about her active libido; there are women who enjoy their pleasure more than once in a day. As long as you're getting intimacy and connection together, don't bother her about the extra she is doing for herself.
 
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