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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
okay - have not heard or spoken to my ex for months and out of the blue she sends me a text wishing me a happy birthday. okay - so i'm thinking either things are going badly for her or she is sorry and feeling the water. either way i would like to have good relations with her because of our children...THEN someone tells me she has befriended a old friend that enabled her in an EA before when we were married...then i get confused because it tells me she is not sorry? I do not know why i get so thrown off by her actions but i do...anyone else have these problems with their ex?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I guess she's not sorry - not sure - I was startled by her birthday message....I guess, i thought i was detached but i am amazed at how i can still get roped in.
 

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Perhaps she wished you a happy B-day so that she can look like the good guy?
 

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Think you're reading too much into it. I'd ignore it and keep it moving.
 
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Bigtone, not everything is black and white.

It's possible your wife still cares about you on certain levels, that she genuinely wishes for you to have a happy life (for example by having a happy birthday) but that she wants you to have a happy life without you in her life, not wanting you to be her husband.

She might want to continue having you as a 'friend' but realises that this is not possible in reality.

It's hard, especially when children are involved, for all concerned, but especially for the wounded, innocent party.
 

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trying to move on - my career is taking off and have plenty of interests - but truth is i loved the family we had....
Had Past tense.

She is not remorseful or fishing. She is trying to draw you back in because she doesn't want you to detach from her. As long as you are attached you are emotionally invested and therefore not in control. She wants to keep the emotional control therefore she is baiting you.
 

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Bigtone, not everything is black and white.

It's possible your wife still cares about you on certain levels
:iagree: You spent time together, that makes her emotionally and materially invested in you. Even though she may not feel a primal attraction towards you, doesn't mean she has let you go completely. But you aren't a choice for her and she isn't a choice for you anymore.
 

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Do not read too much into that.

At this point, take it simply as a B-Day greeting.

If she is interested in you, she will push harder in another direction.

Hope is a b*tch. So...do nothing. Be a pool of calm water.

IF she pushes again, harder, you get to figure out what YOU want.

The ball is in your court. Do not pursue this woman. Do not be needy. Be James Bond.

Whether you want her back or not is up to you...and you get to set the price of R.
 

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Also, your wife has an story of trying to play victim and acting in ways she appears as the good guy in front of your kids. She's taking it as an ongoing little battle she has to win, forwading them your email exchanges, putting them in the middle so the take her side... Wishing you a happy birthday contribute to this with zero effort/investiment, maybe she didn't give to the birthday text more than a nanosecond.
Definitely reading too much.
 

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And I used to wish my ex's happy birthday months and months after no contact and even years after we had broken up, either through text, email or facebook. A habit I got out of but it sure didn't mean anything besides simply wishing them a happy birthday.
 
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At the very best it was just a reflex - perhaps made to appease the kids (one of them probably reminded her and rather than look petty she did the cheapest thing).

At worst, it's a calculated effort to keep you far in the wings but attached by slim threads in case things go south. That way she won't seem like a total Bioatch when she asks for favors, money, support etc.

Don't dwell. My three paragraphs were summarized by the count in three characters: 1 8 0
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Bigtone, not everything is black and white.

It's possible your wife still cares about you on certain levels, that she genuinely wishes for you to have a happy life (for example by having a happy birthday) but that she wants you to have a happy life without you in her life, not wanting you to be her husband.

She might want to continue having you as a 'friend' but realises that this is not possible in reality.

It's hard, especially when children are involved, for all concerned, but especially for the wounded, innocent party.
good observation Matt...
 

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I think you read way too much into a simple happy birthday.

Rule of thumb: Unless she actually says "I'm sorry", she's not sorry. Unless she actually tells you "I want to come back", she does not want to come back. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself crazy trying to interpret little things she says or does.
 
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