Talk About Marriage banner

Verbally abusive husband of 15 years

1149 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  Athena1
I met my husband when I was 18. He has always been verbally abusive and emotionally neglectful. He is prone to throw things, I have repaired many walls that have had cups, sidetables, etc, thrown into them. Last year, right around New Years, I told him I was done, I was leaving. I began sleeping in our daughter's room (she is away at college). I could not afford to move, but I was saving and had been approved for an apartment. In 2 months I had enough to move out. Around that time, in March he got ill, very ill. It required emergency surgery, and we knew he would need another surgery which happened in July. Then he required another emergency surgery in August due to an abscess at the surgery site. Through all this (3 different hospital stays) I stayed in the hospital with him sleeping on a cot. He was alternatively sweet and thankful and then explosive and mean. He convinced me though that he was a changed man. The near death illness made him realize how he had treated me and our marriage so badly. He did not work for over 7 months. Now, things are essentially back to where they were when I first decided I was leaving. 2 weeks ago he called me a Stupid F**** B**** because I did not want to talk to his mother on the phone, after working over 10 hours, and coming home to do school work (I am finally working on a college degree full time). Then this past Friday, I am a F***** moron, because I had the nerve to question whether he had laid out enough meat to thaw, considering our daughter was coming home from college for the weekend and it was likely her boyfriend, who was driving her, might stay for dinner. It has now been a 3 day battle because I am no longer tolerating being talked to in this manner, this is why I made the decision to leave in the first place. Every promise to speak and treat me differently has been broken, multiple times. He did apologize, but when he did not get the response he wanted (I did not act like all was wonderful so he could feel good about himself again) he reverts back to name calling. I am cruel for not being all grateful he apologized. I am impossible to please, etc. At this point we are facing many late bills, there is no way I can save money to leave, at least not for the next 4-6 months, it will take that long to just catch up! Any advice?
See less See more
Not open for further replies.
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
My advice would be to check into domestic shelters near your home and to attend some CoDA or Al-Anon meetings if you can. Even if he doesn't drink, you'll benefit from learning how you're enabling him (fixing the walls that HE messed up, for instance, or caring for him when he's certainly not deserving of it.)
  • Like
Reactions: 3
Do you have parents, siblings or friends that you can stay with?

Congratulations for telling him you were leaving earlier this year! That must have been so hard for you.

Please understand & accept that he cannot change without extensive professional help & even that may not help/work.

I am praying that you find your way out soon.
That's so hard.

I would guess that if you can get yourself out of the situation, to a friend or family member's house, that you'll find you have a lot more energy to deal with making a plan for yourself.

Can you try it for a couple of nights, and see if it gives you any clarity?

You should not have to live like that.
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Not open for further replies.