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Hi I'm new here. I've been married for 11 years.
I'm a sex abuse survivor and suffer from depression and I believe I'm on the autism spectrum. Our youngest daughter is autistic and I've done online autism questionnaires a few times and every time they say I have a high degree of autistic traits. I also think I would be diagnosed with OCD. My sister was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and mental illness runs in our family. Anyway, I have my issues and my husband is well aware of them. I have told him everything and we've been together a long time.
He used to be very understanding.... most of the time he still is or atleast he just accepts things the way they are. But every now and then (like usually once a week or fortnight now) he has a go at me about not doing enough housework. He calls me lazy. I've really had about enough of it. I've read this is classed as verbal abuse. It hurts and I usually end up feeling like crying. He gets pretty angry and yells and if I argue with him he will thump his fist on the chair or wherever he is and make me feel scared of him. I think he has anger issues. He gets really angry over stupid things like when the DVD recorder plays up or the computer plays up..... he blames everything on me. If the computer is playing up I have done something to it. If we get a virus it's from something I downloaded. He said the other day I'm not allowed to play any more Big Fish games (he blames them for any time there is something wrong with the computer) yet he plays PC games he downloads from the net. Just like he says we don't have the money for anything I want yet he will just get whatever he wants whenever. This morning he was calling me lazy and complaining about everything and just generally in a really foul mood and taking it out on me. He complains we never have sex.... we don't have sex often but I don't think that gives him the right to talk to me like that/treat me like that. He's obviously not happy but neither am I. He just expects me to keep the house clean and take care of the kids and I never get to do anything fun/have time to myself. Whenever the kids are in bed he just expects me to focus on him and give him what he wants. Too bad if I don't have energy left and am too tired. I never do enough. Whenever he comes home he will complain about what I haven't done but not acknowledge anything I have done. I can never do enough to please him. He forgets how long it takes me to do things because of the OCD and how fussy I am. He can do the dishes in 15-30 minutes ... it takes me 2-3x as long. Everything takes me ages to do. I resent him and he obviously resents me. He is unhappy at work and I think he takes it out on me. I am on antidepressants. If I dont take them regularly he yells at me. If I am grumpy it's because I haven't taken them and he won't put up with it. Yet he thinks he can be grumpy and take his bad mood out on me and he doesn't need antidepressants? I think he needs them as well but he doesn't think so. Why should I have to put up with his crap but he won't put up with mine? Anyway, hopefully this post is ok and I haven't broken any rules. It is my first post. I just want him to stop treating me like his slave/object/possession and treat me like a human being with feelings.
 

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Wow this sounds horrible :( I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. To be honest it sounds like your husband is taking you for granted and has some very serious problems of his own. Maybe try and get him to go to marriage counseling or at least figure out a way to start moving things in the right direction, as obviously the current situation is detrimental to both of you. I can imagine your children are also witnessing this which is a whole different problem.
 
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