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Hi All,

I am new here, but have an issue and would appreciate advice. I am in my mid-thirties, was raised in a stable and loving home, and am a professional. Three years ago I got married (for the first time) to a woman about two years older. She was twice-before married, and had three kids from her first marriage. When we first met, and all through our courtship, she was very good to me. We dated for over a year, I fell in love with her, and thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We got married...and I had a wonderful two weeks. Then the verbal abuse started....

Today my wife gets angry over the smallest things. If I forget to put my dish in the dishwasher, or turn the bathroom fan off while the bathroom is still steamy. When she is angry, she calls me very insulting names, like F**kface, a$$wipe, D!ckwad...and on and on.

I am from a stable family, where verbal insults were not tolerated. I don't know what to do. We have a little boy together, and another on the way. I have gotten to the point where I have lost a lot of respect for her, and feel like a fool for marrying her. I want my kids to have a father lives in the same house as them, so I am just taking her abuse. I have asked her to stop with the verbal abuse, but she says I deserve it since I make her so mad.

I am well educated, and self-confident, and normally I would not take abuse from anybody, but am afraid of losing my kids.

Any suggestions/approaches that may salvage the marriage?!?

Thanks
 

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keep a small recorder in your pocket. Next time she starts record how she sounds. Later when thing have calmed down play it back to her. Ask if she would realy like to be treated that way. Ask if she realy wants her kids to grow up to be like that. Most people that verbaly abuse can't open there own ears enough to hear what there sayingn to the other.
 

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The more you put up with it, the more you will start to lose yourself and resent her for it. I would have a serious talk with her about it...not right after it happens but when you are both in a calm frame of mind. She needs to hear without emotion involved that you are concerned this will spill over to the kids and that by her verbally assaulting you they will learn to disrespect you. She should also understand how you were raised vs. how she is behaving and it's not something you are comfortable living with. You could also talk to her about the little things that you do that bother her so much and agree on a compromise...that you will work on those things, but if you should slip, that she has a way to tell you she's upset without the foul language...if she says it nicely, and you respond, 'oh, i'm sorry, i know that bothers you' she may begin to see that you attract more flies with honey than vinegar...literally...honey, you left the toilet seat up again :)
 

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Verbal abuse or any abuse from any partner should not be tolerated period. Tape her, video tape her, let her know when you are taping her after a while. I doubt she will change. If she isn't willing to change get a divorce and get a nice girl.

draconis
 

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I guess you've figured out why you're hubby number three. She has no respect for you, your marriage or the children. I agree with Draconis, don't tolerate it any longer. Tape record her and play it back, tell her that you will not stand for such treatment any longer. You've put up with this for three years TOO MANY. You have to be very calm but firm when you confront her. Good luck.
 

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I'm in agreement with the previous posters. This is unacceptable behaviour on your wife's part & shows no respect for you at all. I think you need to find why things have changed, if she's not always been like this.
 
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