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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
When my teenagers are in there room which is all the time, they keep the door closed because they don't want the dogs in their room. We have always just opened the door and walked in. Nobody has ever complained about it. Everybody knows when they are in their changing so you just respect that and don't enter the room at that time.

Well, yesterday, after my son just walked into the girls room (mid afternoon) to ask a question, my husband called my son over and told him he needs to knock on the door before entering. My son said why, it is in the afternoon and I know all they are doing is watching TV. My husband looked over at me and I voiced my opinion. I think they need a certain amount of privacy but they are in their rooms so much that I don't even knock when I enter unless it is when they are getting ready for bed or getting up in the morning. My two daughters share a room and my son has his own room.

Well, my husband got mad at me because I didn't agree with him. Keep in mind, this was the first time this has even come up in the 5 years we have been married. He tells me I don't ever agree with him and don't make him feel part of the family. He is the type of person you have to walk on eggshells around. When he is home, that is when my kids stay in their room. If he is gone they all hang out in the living room.

The other day, him and I went to the store and had to stop at the auto parts store. I couldn't remember exactly where it was but I told him were I thought it was. When I was in the first store he looked up the auto parts store on his GPS. When I got in the car he told me it was east of a certain street. I said, I haven't been there in a while but I am pretty sure it is on the west side of the street. He got mad at me because again I didn't agree with him. I told him I my be right, it isn't a big deal. Well, turned out I was right. He walked in the store (I stayed in the car), he was in there maybe 3 minutes and walked out empty handed. I said, they didn't have them? He said yes but I stood there 2 minutes and no one helped me because 3 guys were trying to figure out something for another customer. He said, I am not going to stand there and wait. He told me he said to the guys isn't anyone going to help me and one guy said I will be right with you. My husband said too late and walked out leaving the items on the counter. He got in the car huffing and puffing. We didn't talk the entire way home.

He says I am way out of line, don't respect him and don't make him feel part of the family.
 

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I agree with your H about knocking. Everyone is entitled to their privacy. As far as the auto part thing, immature behavior.
 
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The door knocking,I feel siblings should be made to knock before entering bedrooms.Parents knocking is a bit of a grey area so I can't weigh in on that.I feel it depends on the parents and environment in the home.
When it comes to your kids,if you don't agree with your spouse you don't voice that in front of the children.You promise to discuss it later and then let it go until the kids aren't around.

I can't understand why he's upset over the gps thing.I guess it would depend on how you state your thoughts on it.Sometimes it isn't what you say but how you say it that puts people on edge.

This is about things way deeper than knocking on doors and gps directions.
 

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I agree with your husband on the privacy issue, it's a good thing to do, especially with different gender teenagers. If you don't except privacy in your own room then where do you expect it?

The other issue are you both wanting to be right? seems like bickering to me. Which leads to resentment and pinned up anger. I learned the hard way that you can do so much more positive things with your time. Why not try let the small things slide, talk to him and agree to it. If you need to seek help.
 

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I also agree with the knocking. It needs to be done, especially with teenagers.
There is too much missing from this though. How long have you guys been together? I ask that specifically because the kids are obviously yours and he specifically stated that he doesn't feel a part of the family. Mixed families are hard and often the "new" parent doesn't feel included. Especially when they are trying to set ground rules and aren't being backed up. But also, you called them "my teenagers" not "our teenagers". Sometimes it is very small, seemingly simple things that people pick up on. It drives me insane that my husband refers to everything as his when I think of things as ours, and I'm talking about cars, computers, etc. I cannot imagine how offended I would feel it it were children! I brought 3 children into our marriage and we had one together, but they are all OUR children. Also, I may not always agree with my husband's rules, especially with our teenage sons, but I would never undermine him in front of the kids. It's good to work out ground rules with your spouse ahead of time, but sometimes things come up on the fly. If you don't agree with something he says, go with it for the time being, and talk to him about it later. After talking it over, sit down with the kids and let them know why that decision is either going to stand or be changed.

As for the store. That just sounds like a mix of already tense moods turning into senseless bickering. Do you disagree with or correct him often? Was it really necessary to tell him he was wrong about which side of the street it was? Even if you were trying to be helpful, it may have come across differently to him. Just let him drive, he would have figured it out when he got there.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
The only reason I said my kids is to clarify in the post that he is the step dad. At home or conversation I refer to them as our kids. We have been married 5 years.

You asked if I correct him a lot, the answer is no. If I just let him drive to find the place he would have gotten mad at me for not telling him. I said it in a very calm voice saying, oh I don't remember it being over there, I am pretty sure it is in the vons shopping plaza and followed it with but I may be wrong.
 

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my husband called my son over and told him he needs to knock on the door before entering. My son said why, it is in the afternoon and I know all they are doing is watching TV. My husband looked over at me and I voiced my opinion.
If he's the stepdad, I can see him being sensitive about 'rules' when it comes to the kids.

That said... why do you think he looked over at you when he called your son over? I think it could have been a clue for you to just either let him handle it, or if you MUST have said something be in agreement with him on it. Maybe it hasn't come up in 5 years, but your kids also haven't been teenagers that whole time. Things change. Privacy at that age is a big deal. He should give his sisters their privacy, as they should give him his.

I think that maybe your husband was trying to make that point with your son, and it was a teaching moment from a father figure to a son.
 

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Being a step is tough enough and it's made tougher when you don't see the bio parent having your back enough.United front or fall apart is the common tale.
 
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