Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi everyone,

So my husband and I have been together for two years, married for one. We have a 10 year age gap (I'm 25, he's 35) and have a 6 month old baby girl who is the light of our lives.

I'm a native to Las Vegas. Been here for a long time and am pretty much unaffected to the things that can suck people into this city (gambling, drinking, etc.). My husband has lived here in Vegas for about three years and since our daughter was born, he now has the dreams and aspirations of becoming a professional poker player.

During my pregnancy, he lost his job and we were scrambling for money to pay the bills. Thank goodness our family was there for us, as we got by. So right off the bat, our marriage and my pregnancy was having strain due to finances, and we were just getting by. We expected financial troubles for this round since we were about to have a baby. We just rolled with the punches and kept positive together.

So now that our daugher has been here and I have been able to go back to work, I work a full time job, it's stable. I am actively working hard to succeed and move up within my company so that I can work towards a savings account for my family. He works two days at week dealing poker and has small waves where he will work full time dealing tournaments and then will be back to dealing two days a week. We barely get by on both our incomes right now. I had to handle our finances since my husband told me that he cannot trust himself with his money (he had a problem with slot machines). I let him know that it'd be great if we come up with something as we are barely getting by and that these waves we go through sucks because we cant save any money in the case one of us loses our jobs (god forbid). We are about to go through another wave where we will be barely getting by for two months and I told him that we can't live like this forever, it's stressful.

For some reason his solution was that he could go play poker to try and make us money. Of course I ask him "Uhm, with what money?" and he gets mad at me! I told him that if he would like to play poker and build a bankroll, it might be good if he looks for a second job so that we're not digging into our finances. He reluctantly looks for one, I just don't get it?

So on top of this, he's recently no longer interested in me intimately. I've been recently going through some postpartum depression/or just general depression but have been actively taking steps in overcoming it on my own. I'm back to my old shape and size, I make an effort to still look good and feel good, and apart from my personal issues I have also tried to still keep our relationship intact. I try to be romantic, I always give us one day a week to go on a date while my mother watches our daughter, and I feel like he's already checked out. I mean he's great with our daughter, takes great care of her during the days while I'm at work, but in the evenings I usually take care of her, and he's online playing poker.

I feel like I keep trying, even beyond my abilities right now. Actually, I feel like I'm the only one that's trying for us. I feel like our marriage and our family are second to his dreams and I'm almost willing to guess that he's going through some mid-life crisis and not wanting to do anything about it.

Any insight anyone? I just don't know what to do and I feel like I have done all that I can on my part. I'm trying to support his dream while still being realistic and I feel like he's withdrawing from me, and frankly I'm starting to give up. It hurts to feel that way because I do love him and I want the best for our daughter. I've told my husband that all I've ever wanted in our lives is to have a stable and loving home where we have a savings account to prep for a rainy day. And if we've done really good that year, we can use some of it to take a nice vacation together.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,505 Posts
I wouldnt eff around with this.

'savings' is not used for gambling, period - nor is regular income. It is not an investment. Gabling is for disposable income - how much disposable income you have laying around? Just because it is poker, does not legitimize it.. I know the poker yahoos think it is different. Sorry, it is not - not in any way that matters to (just for example) a young family with bills and a baby.

You have a 6 month old and he wants to go play poker, nice. He needs to freaking wake up and smell the coffee. He needs to get back to work full time and start being responsible. He needs to realize that being a 'professional' poker player is not a solution, but more likely - an open invitation to more problems. No..sorry.. not an open invitation - an active pursuit.

I know.. he has it all figured out, right?

My ONLY defense of him... and it is not much of a defense.. is that he feels like that is his best, or only option. He might honestly believe that.. and feels like you are getting in his way. If thats the case - then I dont know what to tell you - maybe someone else here has more experience with gambling addiction than I do.

You could promise to help 'save' for a bankroll..how much we talking about here.. few thousand bucks? At least that would keep you from going into debt for no reason and putting your familys financial liquidity at risk....but that is just enabling him and I dont suggest that either. Not at all. NEVER go into debt to play (it is even hard to say, its so insane) poker.

eegads. I need to stop peeking in the 'financial' forum. It makes me crazy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
It sounds like he has a gambling problem. If he can't handle the family money without worry he will gamble it away, I think he has a serious problem.

I'd get that addressed asap. If you can get that handled, then his interests in Gambling professionally may dwindle significantly.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,184 Posts
If you want to stay out of “the poor house” then do not let a gambler look after the family finances.

If he cannot be trusted to gamble only what you can afford to lose then take control of the finances yourself.
If he is any good as a poker player and you support his ambition to take it up as a career (not a real job IMHO) then you could give him a stake each month that he could do with as he wishes. If he is any good he could build that up into a nest egg over time.
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top