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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all,

Been reading the board and glad there is somewhere to take my mind of what I been going through. My thoughts are with all of you during the holiday season. Please forgive me as I paraphrase my story...

My wife recently told me she wanted a divorce and was moving out tomorrow. I am the husband that neglected his wife. Although she tried to tell me her desires, I still failed to do my part. Well, she finally had enough. To many failed promises on my part. I really had my chances!

Our history was about 8 years, we have his/hers/ours which comes the trouble of a blended family. I work out of town and with her busy schedule comes little time for us to build on our relationship. We just kind of did our on thing for awhile now. She is a photographer which almost takes up all her weekends.

As many people have stated, begging will only make matters worst so I quit. I began to immediately do the 180. Since then I have received a couple of text, one saying she was transferring money, two do I know how to fix tv (stupid), three she signed the lease on new house but wanted to stay until after xmas now not to upset kids. Then she posted this comment on her fb page "What if absence makes the heart grow fonder of the absence?" WTF does this mean?

Through all of this, she is still spending money out of our account which I put all my pay checks in while she has a nest egg in her business account.

Her father called me today and talked to me a little. She compares him and I all the time so its never gonna work to my favor if she knows I talked to him. She says we are both *******s, controlling, etc. He said he didn't give a **** what she thought and it was OK to talk so I did. His message was that his daughter was a lot like his wife and that if I still cared that I should fight for her! I told him she was the one that said she didn't love me anymore and that she was moving out-maybe you should be talking to her and not me about staying committed. He said keep fighting for our marriage and the kids!


Where I need help is:

A. She said she was moving out tomorrow, now its after
Christmas- Is this a sign she is willing to give it more time?

B. What should I do about the money spending- Cake and eat it too?

C. Father-n-Law advice

D. What if the 180 is bad for a woman that I neglected, seems I'm doing exactly what I was doing all wrong in the beginning....

I feel so foolish, she is my world, and honestly it wouldn't have took much to keep her. My self pride, hurt, and ignorance got the best of me! Part of me just wants to run to Vegas and forget about this all, I feel I have no hope anymore so its time move on!!

Thanks for all the support!
 

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A. She said she was moving out tomorrow, now its after
Christmas- Is this a sign she is willing to give it more time?
Could be but don't put your hope there . She maybe gaining time to save money or something.
She is confused remember.


B. What should I do about the money spending- Cake and eat it too?
Separate the accounts YESTERDAY ! She may been saving her own money and spending yours.


C. Father-n-Law advice
I think he is sincere if he want you to fight for her.


What if the 180 is bad for a woman that I neglected, seems I'm doing exactly what I was doing all wrong in the beginning....
180 in fully is when you two are separated . While you live together you have to find the balance in between, be nice but distant .
If still live together you have to act always happy , smiley , enthusiastic ... the guy every woman wanna be around , that is very important !

Good luck and stay strong !
 

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My wife recently told me she wanted a divorce and was moving out tomorrow. I am the husband that neglected his wife. Although she tried to tell me her desires, I still failed to do my part. Well, she finally had enough. To many failed promises on my part. I really had my chances!
How long has her affair been going on?

Our history was about 8 years, we have his/hers/ours which comes the trouble of a blended family.
How many kids at home?

I work out of town and with her busy schedule comes little time for us to build on our relationship. We just kind of did our on thing for awhile now. She is a photographer which almost takes up all her weekends.
Is she a party photographer? Wedding Photographer, what?

As many people have stated, begging will only make matters worst so I quit. I began to immediately do the 180. Since then I have received a couple of text, one saying she was transferring money, two do I know how to fix tv (stupid), three she signed the lease on new house but wanted to stay until after xmas now not to upset kids.
How many kids is she taking or is she leaving them with you?

Then she posted this comment on her fb page "What if absence makes the heart grow fonder of the absence?" WTF does this mean?
Since she's not absent yet, I'd guess she's afraid you'll get along just fine once she's absent. Who knows?

Through all of this, she is still spending money out of our account which I put all my pay checks in while she has a nest egg in her business account.
Open a solo account and direct your money into that. Put some into the common pot as needed. Shut her party down.

Her father called me today and talked to me a little. She compares him and I all the time so its never gonna work to my favor if she knows I talked to him. She says we are both *******s, controlling, etc. He said he didn't give a **** what she thought and it was OK to talk so I did. His message was that his daughter was a lot like his wife and that if I still cared that I should fight for her! I told him she was the one that said she didn't love me anymore and that she was moving out-maybe you should be talking to her and not me about staying committed. He said keep fighting for our marriage and the kids!
Ask him if his wife had any affairs. The response should be enlightening.

Where I need help is:


A. She said she was moving out tomorrow, now its after
Christmas- Is this a sign she is willing to give it more time?
OM hasn't or can't do something as planned or has dropped her. You need to do a little intel work to find out the real score.

B. What should I do about the money spending- Cake and eat it too?
Like I said, direct deposit goes into your new separate account. Cut her off.

C. Father-n-Law advice
Ignore him. At least until you get the goods on your wife. He probably knows the real score from her previous marriage(s) and doesn't want her to end up on skid row with 23 cats.

D. What if the 180 is bad for a woman that I neglected, seems I'm doing exactly what I was doing all wrong in the beginning....
Forget most of the 180 and start doing this if you want to try to get her back in the marriage:
1. Realize that it's highly likely she's already plugged in your replacement, if you get my drift. When she's asleep, check her message trail. What kind of phone does she have? check the cell bill and look for big time spent on the phone. Keylog her computer and find out who she's been facebooking with. VAR under her car seat and GPS on the frame or in the trunk. Time to get the real story.
2. Start getting really in shape. Flat stomach, body building weight training sessions. Fix your diet by eliminating grain, sugar, and beer. The pounds should be falling off anyway from all the stress you're under, so use this to your advantage.
3. If she's out photographing on the weekends, get a baby sitter at night and you go out, looking good in your new suit (the latest style), with your completely different haircut you're going to get. Don't tell her where you're going. After all, she's divorcing you.
4. Trade in something on a new single man's ride of some type. Harley, Indian, Challenger, Vette, etc. Used is fine. It's the thought that counts.

I feel so foolish, she is my world, and honestly it wouldn't have took much to keep her. My self pride, hurt, and ignorance got the best of me! Part of me just wants to run to Vegas and forget about this all, I feel I have no hope anymore so its time move on!!
Naw. The real problem is the other guy she's banging.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I will be working out of town for next month... Its just as good as separated... I'm just curious what I should do for Christmas now!!! Thats the only time I will be off...
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
How long has her affair been going on? Wondering same thing...



How many kids at home? 3 children (14, 11, and 1 yo)



Is she a party photographer? Wedding Photographer, what?
Wedding Mostly on weekend.


How many kids is she taking or is she leaving them with you? none-i travel



Since she's not absent yet, I'd guess she's afraid you'll get along just fine once she's absent. Who knows?



Open a solo account and direct your money into that. Put some into the common pot as needed. Shut her party down.



Ask him if his wife had any affairs. The response should be enlightening.

Where I need help is:




OM hasn't or can't do something as planned or has dropped her. You need to do a little intel work to find out the real score.



Like I said, direct deposit goes into your new separate account. Cut her off.



Ignore him. At least until you get the goods on your wife. He probably knows the real score from her previous marriage(s) and doesn't want her to end up on skid row with 23 cats.
No previous marriage, she got pregnant early


Forget most of the 180 and start doing this if you want to try to get her back in the marriage:
1. Realize that it's highly likely she's already plugged in your replacement, if you get my drift. When she's asleep, check her message trail. What kind of phone does she have? check the cell bill and look for big time spent on the phone. Keylog her computer and find out who she's been facebooking with. VAR under her car seat and GPS on the frame or in the trunk. Time to get the real story.
2. Start getting really in shape. Flat stomach, body building weight training sessions. Fix your diet by eliminating grain, sugar, and beer. The pounds should be falling off anyway from all the stress you're under, so use this to your advantage.
3. If she's out photographing on the weekends, get a baby sitter at night and you go out, looking good in your new suit (the latest style), with your completely different haircut you're going to get. Don't tell her where you're going. After all, she's divorcing you.
4. Trade in something on a new single man's ride of some type. Harley, Indian, Challenger, Vette, etc. Used is fine. It's the thought that counts.



Naw. The real problem is the other guy she's banging.
 

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She's playing you dude. Get a private investigator and find out who her boyfriend(s) is/are. This will help you mentally move to the next phase.

Also if I were you I'd get the kid DNA tested just for the sake of peace of mind.
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