If you read around alot you will see a this is a constant source of frustration. I'm HD wife LD and its been an issue for 13 years. I don't know why we don't work this out before things get serious. Its something that both of you will have to deal with together wish there was a magic pill but aint one out there. I've been in your situation a long time and just a few months ago we had a all weekend long conversation about it and I think she knew that our marriage would not last if things did not change. I can tell you this get this worked out before you have kids because this may be something you can't live with. No matter how much you love someone there is things that will make you walk away and resentment is one. wish you well.
Vastly different sex drive in marriage--help please?
Hello to all! As you can probably tell, I am brand new to the site... 
I am desperately in need of some constructive feedback! This is honestly the first time I've ever "talked" (ha, ha) with someone other than the husband about our sex problems. I promise I will keep things as simple and straightforward as possible!
Here goes...we got married this April much to my delight (and his). We're both in our early twenties (23 and 25). Since then, I have discovered that our sex drives are very disparate---I'm extremely high drive (4 to 5 times a week at least) and he is very low (he doesn't give any sign of noticing if we haven't had sex for the past 3 weeks). We might have had sex once on our little two day honeymoon, I don't remember.
I have attempted to communicate with him about this difference, as it makes me feel frustrated, sad, and lonely. He gets mad whenever I bring it up, and tells me that "sex always creates problems", "he doesn't like talking about it" and that "if I would tell him no once and a while then he'd initiate more often" (I would be hard to get?) At this point, I usually think to myself that if he would initiate more in the first place, then I wouldn't be afraid to say no! If I say no, who knows when I'll get the chance to have sex again?
I have attempted to initiate as well from all ranges and styles (everything from walking around naked/lingerie to slow approaches to sexy texts,ect ). At this point I'm stumped. I'm tired of trying to initiate and getting rejected and wondering if I'll get any this week at all. I've tried masturbation (which is usually daily b/c of my sex drive) to buy myself patience when I am ready to go, and he's not. Any advice? Is there anything I can do?!
I don't know if this is significant or not, but I don't orgasm unless I use a vibrator (and I've tried, believe me)...I think it's the stupid SSRI medication I take. He does want to help me orgasm when he's in the mood for sex but he is adamant about not using a toy on me. And he said he is uncomfortable watching me show him or guide him during sex (I've offered in attempts to show him how I orgasm as it's not the same for every woman).
He has had multiple partners and a high sex drive previously. I've heard the stories (non fictional ones) about his previous encounters.
Help, please? How can I explain to him that sex is a form of intimacy and love to me? Any advice? Am I just doomed to a sexless marriage at the age of 23? Thank you!
I am desperately in need of some constructive feedback! This is honestly the first time I've ever "talked" (ha, ha) with someone other than the husband about our sex problems. I promise I will keep things as simple and straightforward as possible!
Here goes...we got married this April much to my delight (and his). We're both in our early twenties (23 and 25). Since then, I have discovered that our sex drives are very disparate---I'm extremely high drive (4 to 5 times a week at least) and he is very low (he doesn't give any sign of noticing if we haven't had sex for the past 3 weeks). We might have had sex once on our little two day honeymoon, I don't remember.
I have attempted to communicate with him about this difference, as it makes me feel frustrated, sad, and lonely. He gets mad whenever I bring it up, and tells me that "sex always creates problems", "he doesn't like talking about it" and that "if I would tell him no once and a while then he'd initiate more often" (I would be hard to get?) At this point, I usually think to myself that if he would initiate more in the first place, then I wouldn't be afraid to say no! If I say no, who knows when I'll get the chance to have sex again?
I have attempted to initiate as well from all ranges and styles (everything from walking around naked/lingerie to slow approaches to sexy texts,ect ). At this point I'm stumped. I'm tired of trying to initiate and getting rejected and wondering if I'll get any this week at all. I've tried masturbation (which is usually daily b/c of my sex drive) to buy myself patience when I am ready to go, and he's not. Any advice? Is there anything I can do?!
I don't know if this is significant or not, but I don't orgasm unless I use a vibrator (and I've tried, believe me)...I think it's the stupid SSRI medication I take. He does want to help me orgasm when he's in the mood for sex but he is adamant about not using a toy on me. And he said he is uncomfortable watching me show him or guide him during sex (I've offered in attempts to show him how I orgasm as it's not the same for every woman).
He has had multiple partners and a high sex drive previously. I've heard the stories (non fictional ones) about his previous encounters.
Help, please? How can I explain to him that sex is a form of intimacy and love to me? Any advice? Am I just doomed to a sexless marriage at the age of 23? Thank you!
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First off, 4 to 5 times a week in your mid-twenties is not "extremely high drive". I'd consider that pleasantly normal. Heck, I'm in my 40's, and daily is fine by me and my GF!
Second, something is off with your husband, and digging to find out what may be unpleasant. The conversations will be uncomfortable, and trying to get past the "nothing's wrong" will likely be like pulling teeth and about as much fun. It could be something physical, emotional, mental... Nobody can tell you but him.
Why do you believe the stories about his past sex life are true? How long did you date, and how was your sex life before marriage? How are things for both of you and your marriage outside of the sex? Has there been any life changes lately? And as uncomfortable as it may be, can you say with absolute certainty there's nobody else in the picture for him? Does he watch porn, BTW?
C
Second, something is off with your husband, and digging to find out what may be unpleasant. The conversations will be uncomfortable, and trying to get past the "nothing's wrong" will likely be like pulling teeth and about as much fun. It could be something physical, emotional, mental... Nobody can tell you but him.
Why do you believe the stories about his past sex life are true? How long did you date, and how was your sex life before marriage? How are things for both of you and your marriage outside of the sex? Has there been any life changes lately? And as uncomfortable as it may be, can you say with absolute certainty there's nobody else in the picture for him? Does he watch porn, BTW?
C
Welcome to the site, Confused! It sounds like your dilemma is opposite what often happens, i.e., hubby is the horndog and wife thinks he's overbearing. It's a red flag if he gets mad about your wanting sex.Hello to all! As you can probably tell, I am brand new to the site...
I am desperately in need of some constructive feedback! This is honestly the first time I've ever "talked" (ha, ha) with someone other than the husband about our sex problems. I promise I will keep things as simple and straightforward as possible!
Here goes...we got married this April much to my delight (and his). We're both in our early twenties (23 and 25). Since then, I have discovered that our sex drives are very disparate---I'm extremely high drive (4 to 5 times a week at least) and he is very low (he doesn't give any sign of noticing if we haven't had sex for the past 3 weeks). We might have had sex once on our little two day honeymoon, I don't remember.
I have attempted to communicate with him about this difference, as it makes me feel frustrated, sad, and lonely. He gets mad whenever I bring it up, and tells me that "sex always creates problems", "he doesn't like talking about it" and that "if I would tell him no once and a while then he'd initiate more often" (I would be hard to get?) At this point, I usually think to myself that if he would initiate more in the first place, then I wouldn't be afraid to say no! If I say no, who knows when I'll get the chance to have sex again?
I have attempted to initiate as well from all ranges and styles (everything from walking around naked/lingerie to slow approaches to sexy texts,ect ). At this point I'm stumped. I'm tired of trying to initiate and getting rejected and wondering if I'll get any this week at all. I've tried masturbation (which is usually daily b/c of my sex drive) to buy myself patience when I am ready to go, and he's not. Any advice? Is there anything I can do?!
I don't know if this is significant or not, but I don't orgasm unless I use a vibrator (and I've tried, believe me)...I think it's the stupid SSRI medication I take. He does want to help me orgasm when he's in the mood for sex but he is adamant about not using a toy on me. And he said he is uncomfortable watching me show him or guide him during sex (I've offered in attempts to show him how I orgasm as it's not the same for every woman).
He has had multiple partners and a high sex drive previously. I've heard the stories (non fictional ones) about his previous encounters.
Help, please? How can I explain to him that sex is a form of intimacy and love to me? Any advice? Am I just doomed to a sexless marriage at the age of 23? Thank you!
Is he just a tad immature? Do you feel he is 'all grown up' in most other areas of your new life together? Is he ok, i.e., responsible, when it comes to money?
I would sit him down and lay out what the rules are, that you want sex and you don't want him throwing a tantrum when you want or need it. You married him afterall for various reasons, sex being one of the more significant, right?
He has issues, you are just fine, and he needs to man up and get over his weird and abnormal aversion to sexual activities with you, his wife!!
i think she knew that our marriage would not last if things did not change. I can tell you this get this worked out before
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