Talk About Marriage banner

1 - 20 of 44 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Long story short.....largely sexless marriage, not toxic so staying together for kids (we have two teens and I'm trying to minimize the impact on them, which will likely mean staying together for another 2 years). What to do about Valentine's Day?

We've been largely able to avoid Valentine's Day for the past few years thanks to various circumstances. But this year, given the pandemic, it's unavoidable. I'm not sure how to tackle it and I'm looking for perspectives. She likely won't raise the subject (I'm not even sure she knows it's Valentine's Day this weekend) so I figure I have four options:

a) As in year previous years, acknowledge that it's Valentine's Day and that it's probably best that we ignore it so as not to open old wounds.

b) Suggest to her that we do something for Valentine's Day, despite our unromantic marriage, given that we're stuck spending the day together regardless.

c) Don't raise the subject, but get her a small gift anyway to either (i) make her feel bad for being the bad guy in the marriage, or (ii) keep in my back pocket in the off-chance that she gets me something.

d) Do nothing.

Thoughts? I can't be the only one with this dilemma.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,728 Posts
Long story short.....largely sexless marriage, not toxic so staying together for kids (we have two teens and I'm trying to minimize the impact on them, which will likely mean staying together for another 2 years). What to do about Valentine's Day?

We've been largely able to avoid Valentine's Day for the past few years thanks to various circumstances. But this year, given the pandemic, it's unavoidable. I'm not sure how to tackle it and I'm looking for perspectives. She likely won't raise the subject (I'm not even sure she knows it's Valentine's Day this weekend) so I figure I have four options:

a) As in year previous years, acknowledge that it's Valentine's Day and that it's probably best that we ignore it so as not to open old wounds.

b) Suggest to her that we do something for Valentine's Day, despite our unromantic marriage, given that we're stuck spending the day together regardless.

c) Don't raise the subject, but get her a small gift anyway to either (i) make her feel bad for being the bad guy in the marriage, or (ii) keep in my back pocket in the off-chance that she gets me something.

d) Do nothing.

Thoughts? I can't be the only one with this dilemma.
Why is your marriage sexless?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,632 Posts
Long story short.....largely sexless marriage, not toxic so staying together for kids (we have two teens and I'm trying to minimize the impact on them, which will likely mean staying together for another 2 years). What to do about Valentine's Day?

We've been largely able to avoid Valentine's Day for the past few years thanks to various circumstances. But this year, given the pandemic, it's unavoidable. I'm not sure how to tackle it and I'm looking for perspectives. She likely won't raise the subject (I'm not even sure she knows it's Valentine's Day this weekend) so I figure I have four options:

a) As in year previous years, acknowledge that it's Valentine's Day and that it's probably best that we ignore it so as not to open old wounds.

b) Suggest to her that we do something for Valentine's Day, despite our unromantic marriage, given that we're stuck spending the day together regardless.

c) Don't raise the subject, but get her a small gift anyway to either (i) make her feel bad for being the bad guy in the marriage, or (ii) keep in my back pocket in the off-chance that she gets me something.

d) Do nothing.

Thoughts? I can't be the only one with this dilemma.
I'm not a halfway kind of guy.

If you are staying in the marriage, be there fully.

Plan something you know she will enjoy and make sure her calendar is clear.

Love her or leave her. Anything else is being a *****. (TAM edited form of kitty or wimp)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
403 Posts
I'm not understanding why you would even consider doing anything for Valentines Day given the dismal state of your marriage.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,231 Posts
I asked if there was a plan. Wife went and checked calendar, "I'm working"
In the past work schedule just meant we would celebrate on another day.
I think we are acknowledging the death of romance.
My girls all celebrate SAD (Singles Awareness Day)
Anyway, It appears I'm completely off the hook this weekend.
Also odds of sex between now and then are also zero.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
Sounds like you're asking what color tie to wear to dinner on the Titanic. So, I'd say any option is probably as good as the next. A casual observer would wonder more about why you're on the Titanic? What are you afraid the choices are going to convey?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
What are you afraid the choices are going to convey?
I'm not looking to convey anything, I guess I'm just trying to get through the day without rocking the boat (to maintain your Titanic theme).

I'm leaning towards suggesting to her that we ignore it as usual, but I appreciate other's perspectives who may be in the same boat (see what I did there?).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
I asked if there was a plan. Wife went and checked calendar, "I'm working"
In the past work schedule just meant we would celebrate on another day.
I think we are acknowledging the death of romance.
My girls all celebrate SAD (Singles Awareness Day)
Anyway, It appears I'm completely off the hook this weekend.
Also odds of sex between now and then are also zero.
I feel your pain
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm not a halfway kind of guy.

If you are staying in the marriage, be there fully.

Plan something you know she will enjoy and make sure her calendar is clear.

Love her or leave her. Anything else is being a *. (TAM edited form of kitty or wimp)
Harsh, but not unreasonable. If it were just she and I, I'd have left long ago.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
374 Posts
I'm not looking to convey anything, I guess I'm just trying to get through the day without rocking the boat (to maintain your Titanic theme).

I'm leaning towards suggesting to her that we ignore it as usual, but I appreciate other's perspectives who may be in the same boat (see what I did there?).
Sorry, I assumed you were asking this for the benefit of what the kids would think since you mentioned them. If that doesn't matter, you're probably just as well to take the easy choice and ignore it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,460 Posts
I'd get something to have just in case...even if it's just a small bag of her favorite candy. My ex and I never did anything for VD. I'm not really into it to be honest. I could maybe have gotten into it with BF but it's his daughter's birthday so he focuses on that...he was very honest about it from the start so no bait and switch. He takes very good care of me all year long so no biggie for me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
There really is no way to avoid it. We didn't share anything on Valentines for 10 years. But since we had a daughter we kinda made it about her and it was pretty easy that way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,975 Posts
If you must continue the lie, then buy something small just in case she gives you something.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,646 Posts
My wife and I think its a foolish holiday and getting your spouse a gift for no other reason than society told you too is almost an insult. Ignore it.
This right here. Just ignore it, who cares. I can't remember the last time my wife and I did anything for valentines day or exchanged gifts, and we are in a happy marriage.

Also, I understand for some it is easy to say just divorce her and move on, but we all know when kids are involved it just isn't that simple. As long as the household isn't toxic, nothing wrong with making the extra sacrifice for a little longer.
 
1 - 20 of 44 Posts
Top