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So I feel like my wife of almost 12 years is cheating or at least had a conversation about it with to of our closets friends who are married. (Its important to note that my wife and the guy had a fling over 15 years ago and that he had cheated on his now wife with my now wife). It all happened December 15 of this year. Here's the story.

All four of us were hanging out, just another typical weekend really. Me and my friend had been joking a little gay like and my wife jumps in and says if I had a dildo I would **** your wife in the ass with it. Him and I both were like wow. He tells my wife that she should go and ask his wife if she would let her do that. She leaves the jaquzzi and goes inside to ask. When she comes back he asks if she really asked his wife that. When my wife said yes he started saying oh your a freak you like that stuff and asking if she was bisexual.

At this point I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with it all. So I get out of the jaquzzi and get dressed. Now my wife and his wife and he is in the jaquzzi together. I come back from peeing and I hear his wife tell him that I'm going to hear them. He responds that I have no idea what they are talking about. His wife says how do you know and he replys I guarentee it. Then he looks at me in the eye and asks me if I know what there talking about. I say no and ask what are you guys talking about. He tells me not to worry about it casually and then looks at them and says I told you so. So my wife and I leave.

I ask her what was said over the next 6 weeks and all I get is I dont remember from all 3 of them. Also that it was about me bringing beers, or I imagined or misenterpeted it. Alot of fighting and screaming and talk of seperation and the whole shebang. The friends and I have gone back and forth and they keep saying it was nothing serious even though they supposedly dont remember. I've cut them off. My wife had been talking to her 2 or 3 times afterwords even though we agreed we wouldn't.

She said she was asking what was said that night couse she doesnt remember but waited 3 or 4 days to tell me about it and only when I found out. Finally my wife told me that she tried very hard to remember and what happened was the joke about the dildo continued and he was asking them both if they would really to that and that his wife was telling him to shut up so that he didnt get her in trouble with me. I am having a very hard time believing this and letting it go, but I'm tired of fighting and feeling insecure and watching my kids act weird over it all.

She has lied in the past and I know she cheated on me years and years ago before we were married and lied then. We dont communicate well and I am not perfect. I have drinking issues and a temper sometimes. But my gut tells me there is more to it then this. I dont feel like she is putting in the effort to be honest and open which we need to fix are marriage. Even if she had a threesome I dont want a divorce, weve been together on and off since we were 15 and I'm 35 now. Weve been living together at least 15 to 16 years. Unanswered questions keep going through my mind, I can forgive but not without the story making sense or adding up.

I'll never forget though. I dont sleep well eat well, I'm hurt and depressed and even a little suicidal. Her phone and emails checks out with no evidance. She says she will take a lie detecter and that she wont talk to them anymore and go to couples theropy. But my mind cant let it go or get past it all. She just doesnt want to talk about it or it turns into a finger pointing match or fight. I'm I crazy to be suspicious? I dont think I am. I need help because I'm not getting it anywhere else. I have lost my 2 best friends of 15 years and feel like I'm about to lose my marriage. Any advice and thoughts or those who went through similar would be very much appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
 

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Yeah, something is going on, and you frankly should not have stayed with her in the first place when she cheated before.

You realize how that makes you look in her eyes?

But here is the even bigger deal, YOU are allowing yourself and YOUR WIFE to hang out with a dude that used to screw her and cheated on his wife with her?

Dude? Where is your head at.

Do you have any idea how easy, since you are all "friends", for his and/or his wife to have sex with YOUR wife.

I don't really even understand why you ever called them your friends.

Sounds to me like you are the BUTT of their jokes.

You can start doing some checking, like looking at her phone bill, how often they talk, how many times she has gone to "visit" your "friends" when you could not get away or if you did not feel like going?

Seriously, dude, you need to wake up. And you need to keep your mouth shut until you find out what is actually going on. Because guess what, NONE of them including your wife is going to tell you about it.

Have you always been this blind to what is going on in your life. And hey, if you are a drunk, stop drinking NOW and get yourself together.

You may think I am just trying to be harsh with you, but I am trying to get you to wake up.

Keep your mouth shut, stay away from your "friends", and see if she does, start digging through phone records and everything else you can think of, and find out what is going on.

Do you have access to her phone? If not why not? You guys are married, you SHOULD have no secrets from one another.

WAKE UP...
 

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Yeah, something is going on, and you frankly should not have stayed with her in the first place when she cheated before.

You realize how that makes you look in her eyes?

But here is the even bigger deal, YOU are allowing yourself and YOUR WIFE to hang out with a dude that used to screw her and cheated on his wife with her?

Dude? Where is your head at.

Do you have any idea how easy, since you are all "friends", for his and/or his wife to have sex with YOUR wife.

I don't really even understand why you ever called them your friends.

Sounds to me like you are the BUTT of their jokes.

You can start doing some checking, like looking at her phone bill, how often they talk, how many times she has gone to "visit" your "friends" when you could not get away or if you did not feel like going?

Seriously, dude, you need to wake up. And you need to keep your mouth shut until you find out what is actually going on. Because guess what, NONE of them including your wife is going to tell you about it.

Have you always been this blind to what is going on in your life. And hey, if you are a drunk, stop drinking NOW and get yourself together.

You may think I am just trying to be harsh with you, but I am trying to get you to wake up.

Keep your mouth shut, stay away from your "friends", and see if she does, start digging through phone records and everything else you can think of, and find out what is going on.

Do you have access to her phone? If not why not? You guys are married, you SHOULD have no secrets from one another.

WAKE UP...
you said that right. His "friend" is trying to f his wife.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Ive quit drinking. The relationship with the friend is another 20 year relationship. Had my back always. Helped me get a job and back on my feet. The wife was mad for a long time that my wife and i were coming around. I never had a reason before all this to question them before. Just that night. I have acsess to phone email gps all the works and it all checks out. Very rarely do we not go over there together and when we dont my kids there kids are all together hiking or some ****. Gps checks out. The only other questionable time is one night i 2alked home mad and drunk cause the gut feeling hit me. Took me 2 hours to get home. She came home 30 minutes after me. Called a bunch but i didnt answer. The friends to. Finslly my mom picked her up. Have a feeling thats ehen it started. Your not harash, im seeing it now and thats why its difficult
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Also when she screwed him her and i wernt together. I know i know tgey still had a thing. But we are talking high school here
 

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Ive quit drinking. The relationship with the friend is another 20 year relationship. Had my back always. Helped me get a job and back on my feet. The wife was mad for a long time that my wife and i were coming around. I never had a reason before all this to question them before. Just that night. I have acsess to phone email gps all the works and it all checks out. Very rarely do we not go over there together and when we dont my kids there kids are all together hiking or some ****. Gps checks out. The only other questionable time is one night i 2alked home mad and drunk cause the gut feeling hit me. Took me 2 hours to get home. She came home 30 minutes after me. Called a bunch but i didnt answer. The friends to. Finslly my mom picked her up. Have a feeling thats ehen it started. Your not harash, im seeing it now and thats why its difficult
Well, typos aside, what you are going to find out, if you do more checking is that it has been going on a while.

Also, never trust your wife or anyone around someone that they used to be with in any way, just don't. It is just not a good idea.

The fact that you knew him for 20 years, who cares, these boards are littered with men whose "long time friends", screwed their wives repeatedly. Happens all the time.

But maybe you are right...
 

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Piggly, his "friend" is not "Trying" anything, he is. I think the only question is whether his "friend and his wife" are doing her together or are they both cheating...

Don't you think?
I think you are right. You hit him with a 2x4...I was going with a paint stirring stick lol.
 

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Also when she screwed him her and i wernt together. I know i know tgey still had a thing. But we are talking high school here
I am talking about whoever she cheated with when you WERE together, it just shows that she is capable.

Which is why you don't take anyone back that cheated. But opinions vary...
 

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it sounds like your buddy's wife is not a big fan of your wife, you may have an ally there. I am sure she wants to protect her marriage as much as you do...together you guys can communicate if she finds anything usual. but for now all you can do is stay hyper-vigilant
 

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Glad to hear you have quit drinking, Keep it
that way. Your wife is lying, and cheating.
She did before and is again. I don't remember
or I was drinking, heard that many times from
many people who decide lie.

Your friend is not your friend. His wife is not
either because she knows but is lying also.
BluesPower is 100% right. Why do you even
allow this person (you call friend ) around your
family. Especially your wife!! Something is going
on they have all talked and are trying to cover
themselves.

Prepaid phones are really cheap check for one.
Other e-mail accounts can be easily setup.
Trust your gut feeling and keep looking.


You haven't lost any friends because true friends
don't do this. I think you lost your wife when she
cheated before. She probably is just enjoying the
lifestyle ( paying bills,house etc ) that you provide.
Keep checking and asking questions often. Liars
often have trouble keeping track of their own lies.
I will bet their stories don't add up.
 

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Hey,

I'm going to throw out a different tact. Bear in mind this is only half serious.

You and your wife call his wife, ask if she'd be ok with coming over your house when her H is out of town so you could pursue the wives' and watching the whole dildo thing and help them execute it. That hey, you may join in, but all in the aspect of just helping them out.

Say you just want to see if they like it, or they were just talking about it.

Put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak. Really push for it and see how it goes. Say you don't want her hubby to know but you want to support your wife in her possible lesbian exploration.

😘😘😘😘

All in the name of science, and you want to be helpful 😎😎😎.
 

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Time to walk away, try running instead.
Sorry to say but none of them appear
to really care. It sounds like a mess on their
part. Keep yourself together and no more
drinking, and don't listen to their (all of them)
lies. Don't listen to the blame game or excuses
Just take care of yourself and let them do or be
what ever they are.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
Hahaha, it has been brought up, but no I dont want to share, she a lo so told me she would never di that blah blah blah, and it would only make our issues worse at this point. Mybe if it had brought up when we were good, every guys fantasy right
 

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So I feel like my wife of almost 12 years is cheating or at least had a conversation about it with to of our closets friends who are married. (Its important to note that my wife and the guy had a fling over 15 years ago and that he had cheated on his now wife with my now wife). It all happened December 15 of this year. Here's the story.

All four of us were hanging out, just another typical weekend really. Me and my friend had been joking a little gay like and my wife jumps in and says if I had a dildo I would **** your wife in the ass with it. Him and I both were like wow. He tells my wife that she should go and ask his wife if she would let her do that. She leaves the jaquzzi and goes inside to ask. When she comes back he asks if she really asked his wife that. When my wife said yes he started saying oh your a freak you like that stuff and asking if she was bisexual.

At this point I'm feeling a little uncomfortable with it all. So I get out of the jaquzzi and get dressed. Now my wife and his wife and he is in the jaquzzi together. I come back from peeing and I hear his wife tell him that I'm going to hear them. He responds that I have no idea what they are talking about. His wife says how do you know and he replys I guarentee it. Then he looks at me in the eye and asks me if I know what there talking about. I say no and ask what are you guys talking about. He tells me not to worry about it casually and then looks at them and says I told you so. So my wife and I leave.

I ask her what was said over the next 6 weeks and all I get is I dont remember from all 3 of them. Also that it was about me bringing beers, or I imagined or misenterpeted it. Alot of fighting and screaming and talk of seperation and the whole shebang. The friends and I have gone back and forth and they keep saying it was nothing serious even though they supposedly dont remember. I've cut them off. My wife had been talking to her 2 or 3 times afterwords even though we agreed we wouldn't.

She said she was asking what was said that night couse she doesnt remember but waited 3 or 4 days to tell me about it and only when I found out. Finally my wife told me that she tried very hard to remember and what happened was the joke about the dildo continued and he was asking them both if they would really to that and that his wife was telling him to shut up so that he didnt get her in trouble with me. I am having a very hard time believing this and letting it go, but I'm tired of fighting and feeling insecure and watching my kids act weird over it all.

She has lied in the past and I know she cheated on me years and years ago before we were married and lied then. We dont communicate well and I am not perfect. I have drinking issues and a temper sometimes. But my gut tells me there is more to it then this. I dont feel like she is putting in the effort to be honest and open which we need to fix are marriage. Even if she had a threesome I dont want a divorce, weve been together on and off since we were 15 and I'm 35 now. Weve been living together at least 15 to 16 years. Unanswered questions keep going through my mind, I can forgive but not without the story making sense or adding up.

I'll never forget though. I dont sleep well eat well, I'm hurt and depressed and even a little suicidal. Her phone and emails checks out with no evidance. She says she will take a lie detecter and that she wont talk to them anymore and go to couples theropy. But my mind cant let it go or get past it all. She just doesnt want to talk about it or it turns into a finger pointing match or fight. I'm I crazy to be suspicious? I dont think I am. I need help because I'm not getting it anywhere else. I have lost my 2 best friends of 15 years and feel like I'm about to lose my marriage. Any advice and thoughts or those who went through similar would be very much appreciated.

Thanks in advance.
Wake up...She's had/having sex with him.
Dude is not your friend. Never was. She cannot be trusted.
 
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