I'm tired of being in limbo!!!!!!!! I don't know if this time we are spending apart is so she can "figure things out", if is a precursor to divorce, or if she will somehow realize what she is tossing away. I'm not betting on anything. We have 4 kids, we had a marriage everyone thought was great (everyone is shocked by this), great memories, huge, close family, vacations, white picket fence, butterflies and blue skies. Everyone on her side of the family loves me (I don't mean to sound cocky, but they do). She is at her parents now (imagine being the parents of a 41 year old who has moved back home to figure out her life, with four kids and a dog, and the kids still have to do homework, etc, and while she is at work in the day the grandparents deal with all the constant refereeing/cleaning up/etc. That was all my job before, by the way, (homework, refereeing, etc, since I retired early to stay home to do it). Why the break? She has been complaining that I never gave her "space" so I finally told her to take some time at her parents if that was what she needs, and since she argued that she should take the kids, I finally agreed. I know, I know.... But I've been working my arse off to save this marriage, and although everyone knows it, everyone (including her parents) kept telling me I have yet to allow her to have the "space" she had been asking for. The kids will be back with me at home after a week. Then, I guess we will see. But whatever happens, I'll be able to say I gave her everything she asked for.
I don't know if I should keep up the fight or say screw this. I'm a fighter (figuratively) and I don't quit on things. I believe with the right attitude you can fix anything. But, as far as giving up/keeping up, I'm 50/50 on it, and sometimes 90/10, and sometimes 10/90... It's just that I read about all these people on here who keep putting up with a confused spouse, and sometimes they never seem to get over them, and I don't want to be that guy. There are two major things holding me back...
1) The desire to fight for my marriage, and my kids, and to repair things, and not throw away 16 years, just because of a few bad months,
2) I think about the logistics of getting a divorce, and selling our house, our debt, etc, and it STRESSES ME OUT. If it was an easy split, I think I'd be gone, and she could figure out her life on her own (yes, I'm talking tough now, sure). But I think if we were not so upside down on the RV loan, it would make it easier for me to make a decision. We owe TWICE what that stupid thing is worth, and it is an expensive rig. I have no idea how we'd deal with that issue. Please don't counsel me on the stupidity of getting in the RV debt, I already feel stupid enough (it was a "we will use this the rest of our lives" purchase). I am afraid of bankruptcy, because I want to buy a house, plus I don't think they'd grant one since I can technically afford the payment. I don't make a ton of money, but I make average money and don't have a car payment. I don't want to default and just stop paying on it, because I want to be able to buy my own house and I'm sure that would screw up my credit. I can get a VA loan, if we sell this house, if that matters.
If anyone has experience in this I'd love to hear it. I don't think we'd be able to sell the house any time soon, and if we did there wouldn't be enough left over to pay off the RV.
I don't know if I should keep up the fight or say screw this. I'm a fighter (figuratively) and I don't quit on things. I believe with the right attitude you can fix anything. But, as far as giving up/keeping up, I'm 50/50 on it, and sometimes 90/10, and sometimes 10/90... It's just that I read about all these people on here who keep putting up with a confused spouse, and sometimes they never seem to get over them, and I don't want to be that guy. There are two major things holding me back...
1) The desire to fight for my marriage, and my kids, and to repair things, and not throw away 16 years, just because of a few bad months,
2) I think about the logistics of getting a divorce, and selling our house, our debt, etc, and it STRESSES ME OUT. If it was an easy split, I think I'd be gone, and she could figure out her life on her own (yes, I'm talking tough now, sure). But I think if we were not so upside down on the RV loan, it would make it easier for me to make a decision. We owe TWICE what that stupid thing is worth, and it is an expensive rig. I have no idea how we'd deal with that issue. Please don't counsel me on the stupidity of getting in the RV debt, I already feel stupid enough (it was a "we will use this the rest of our lives" purchase). I am afraid of bankruptcy, because I want to buy a house, plus I don't think they'd grant one since I can technically afford the payment. I don't make a ton of money, but I make average money and don't have a car payment. I don't want to default and just stop paying on it, because I want to be able to buy my own house and I'm sure that would screw up my credit. I can get a VA loan, if we sell this house, if that matters.
If anyone has experience in this I'd love to hear it. I don't think we'd be able to sell the house any time soon, and if we did there wouldn't be enough left over to pay off the RV.