Talk About Marriage banner
1 - 1 of 1 Posts

· Registered
Joined
·
71 Posts
Let me throw in my 2 cents:
You seem to have developed self-esteem issues.
The card game was only a trigger. If you do not have any suspicions on her part (being unhappy with you, maybe even view you low or smthg like this), which can be a trigger in itself, this trigger is on you.
Take a look back, if possible, when did this start? Was there a trigger of some sort, even a harmless one, like your wife looking at another man at the pool, in the mall or whatever.
Sometimes the minutest of things that your partner does can trigger a buried issue. It is not that bad, it just needs working. Otherwise it becomes bad.
Maybe you yourself saw, heard or did something to trigger that. If you can find it work it out. Otherwise maybe it would be a good idea to talk to your wife about it. She knows you better than you do yourself, maybe.

And get rid of the time schedule, ffs. How shall a man maintain an erection on command? How should a woman (a normal woman that is) be ready and willing for sex on command and timeline?
If you want sex, let her know. Hug her, grope her decently (at first if she doesn't shut you down continue) and wait for a reaction. Respect her boundaries and she highly likely will repect yours.

As long as your marriage has no other issues (money, trust, too much stress at work, different desires etc. pp.) it should be a solveable problem as long as you include her.
And don't go for "I don't know." You have to work it out. Otherwise it will destroy you both in the end.

I like to share something on a more light hearted note, maybe that helps:
My wife and I are a bit peculiar.
I was always into BDSM. Hard. dom, sub, switch... all of it. Never got the kicks out of vanilla sex before my wife. All my girlfriends before her are still grossed out by me to this day.
She is a submissive. Like in the real sense.
Normal woman with selfesteem for the both of us in normal life.
She even let's me cry at her shoulder when my daytime job is too overwhelming, in real life she is the one Alamo position I can fall back on when the world is cruel. Never a mean or demeaning word from her. Just comfort and peace.

But in the sack (and in any other sexrelated place) I have to call the shots, all of them. I have to, because this is the one sure thing that fires her up big time.

When I found out (by accident non the less, but that's another story for sure) it triggered my dom, which I hid so deep inside that 2 years into our relationship I was at the verge of breaking.
Moody as a little child, outbursts and tears the whole hoobaloo. Manbaby is the word of choice for that period.
And that with a partner that was a closet sub... FML at that point, I guess.
I certainly was the biggest turnoff ever for her in these 3 months it took to figure us out.
Worst of all should have known that beforehand given where I met her the first time. But dense me didn't.
We can still laugh about that, by the way. Well, I can. If she laughs she is in for a punishment ;) Don't know why she will never learn this mihihihi.
That was somewhat 30 years ago. Since then she had given in to herself completely.
Hard boundaries though.

In sex-play I command. From BJ to weird things, she begs. In normal sex we are equal. Which hasn't worked for a long while now.
I am her only dom (most of the time) and she is my one and only submissive sweetheart (all the time).

And before Snowbum chimes in (SCNR this one, Snow, please don't take offence)
We have safewords and hard boundaries in play. No command to her to be shared with other men or women at any time unless particularly told so by her up front, stuff like that. The moment she gives into herself she is out and would do it to please me, but afterwards I would be in **** deeper than the Mariana Trench.
She is so used to be commanded in all things sex that it takes a while for her to feel "the wrong" in it at that particular moment.
Safewords are to be obeyed at any time and immediately.

By the way
Yes, we have children. Never understood where they came from. :love: Has something to do with bees and flowers and big enough paddle I guess.
Hope fetishes are not inherited, that would make for quite odd breakfast table talks... :censored:

So that's it

And that's what you two have to do:
Find the initial trigger. Work on it.
Find your 'game' whatever that might be.

Hope that helps. And sorry for telling about me, but I think our places are relateable to a certain extend.
 
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
Top