[Quad73]

I can appreciate that. I have an appointment with a therapist in a month for this kind of stuff. I think that when I did feel desirable previously, it was with women that I didn't care about as much as my wife. And because of my upbringing and lack of parenting, and because I never even saw much affection in my own family, my fears of having anything other than a good relationship/marriage/sex life get in the way and cause a lot of my self esteem issues, when in reality I should look at them as single events and not a problem at large.

You're looking to her for confirmation and confidence, and when you don't get it you quickly deflate and your world crashes. Strike one in her eyes.

You asked to stop playing cards and have sex, instead of just leading and scooping her up. She may have been testing your resolve, and you failed by agreeing to play another round. Strike two in her eyes.

You're trying to "nice guy" her into the sack. Strike three in her eyes.

Her libido needs you to step up, not down, when the going gets slightly tough. Channel some of that sexual energy and dirty talk you have during the week into moments like the card game incident. You're folding when you should be raising, even if you're bluffing somewhat. Be that daring self confident guy for her (and yourself) in moments like this.

 

[Quad73]

I would like to say, in all seriousness, that you are correct. I've mentioned it previously, but the reason I am going to start therapy is because I know I have issues that pertain to my own sense of self worth. When I was a child I didn't get any attention at home, even though I was a high achiever at school. But, I was a high achiever at school because they gave me attention. I have been attention seeking for most of my life in one way or another, and it has been detrimental to my relationships and my own mental health. I can see when she is trying, but I have a negative attitude and when things don't go according to plan I always get so down. When all of this happened and she asked if she did anything wrong, I told her that she didn't, and my mentality is a slippery slope. One comment or lack of action that I assume should happen and I start getting these little snowflakes of doubt. "She wants cards more than me" falls from the sky, and then another negative snowflake, and then another, and before I know it I'm covered by a blizzard. I have a tendency for catastrophizing, so when I researched what to do about it, the only clear answer was to not fight it, but let the thoughts come and try to rationalize them. I am rational generally, but when it has anything to do with my self esteem I always end up feeling worse, no matter what I do.

I feel like I've repeated myself a million times, but the problem wasn't necessarily with her, but with her reaction. She chose to play cards over having sex with me, even though she had been telling me how much she was looking forward to our weekend escapades. I took the wrong approach while trying to get her into the bedroom, and instead gave her ways out of it instead of taking the lead. When she chose cards, I took a big hit to my ego, and my own insecurities and self esteem came into play heavily. Because of my previous work on trying to better myself, I took the time to wait it out and think about it, plus get on this forum to start a thread and get some opinions. While some of them were rude and disingenuous, some have been very helpful and I have been trying to find other points of view besides my own, which I can't trust due to my self esteem issues.

OP you've been hit by a lot of 2x4's in this thread, including mine I suppose, so I just wanted to say I hear you re your two posts above.

Keep participating, I'm glad to see you're sifting through for the useful feedback.

 

[Quad73]

Interestingly, few have commented on this aspect: OP, strikingly handsome young guy grows used to admiration / has attention seeking habits, but now grows older and can no longer rely on that for his sense of self worth.

I'm not being snarky when I say this OP, most men are not so fortunate. Most guys have other primary means of obtaining validation and admiration. You gotta start looking into those as you age out of the phase #1 beautiful kid part of your life. Your therapist will help here no doubt.

Seems you lucked out in the looks department and had a good run with it as a single man, you lucky dog. Now you've gotta move on and grow into phase #2.