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Reality: Sometimes people would rather do something other than have sex. And that's okay.
You sound needy and reliant upon sex for validation of your worth.My issue is that the plan was to get high and have sex, which we do once a week, even though we have sex regularly as well. She didn't say anything beforehand about any issues that would make her not want to have sex, because those reasons would have been legitimate. We had talked about being hot for each other all week, we had just had an enjoyable day out, and we were both excited about having that time and experience together. Then, she just wanted to play cards. When she had to decide between sex and cards, she chose cards. I don't really care about being desirable in the past, it was just an example to show that I have been desirable before, and now the once person who is supposed to desire me would choose a deck of Bicycle playing cards and a game of Rummy over sex. I guess what I'm saying is, her actions didn't match her words, and I noticed.
That sounds really over the top as far as telling her how much you love her a million times during the week. I mean I hope you really mean it but why do you feel the need to keep up a litany of that? Does she do the same thing? Or could this be seen as just buttering her up for sex?I like these assumptions, but we had just spent the day together. I made a reservation at a nice restaurant for brunch, and we went shopping. I talked about how much I loved her a million times during the week, and how thankful I was to have her in my life that very day.
I think you're saying those things to her because that's what you wish she would do to you. I'm not getting the idea that she needs that much ego salving.Sorry, but you're wrong. The only plan we have those nights is to get high and have sex. During that time we have a good time. Also, if you've read the rest of the thread, I have been working on making her feel desirable because she is. I let her know I'm thinking about her, I send her dirty texts and pictures, and I also tell her how much I care for her and how much I love her. We had also literally just spent the day together. And it isn't my list, we both agreed that we need one night a week at least to spend longer together. We have an active sex life otherwise. It just threw me off that when given the choice, she chose cards.
Women don't initiate as often as a rule because women don't want sex as often as most men do as a general proposition. So why would they initiate sex on any kind of regular basis if they're getting as much sex as they want already and it's you wanting more?I agree with a lot of the sentiment, but the issue is that I shouldn't have to be the one to always initiate. We had planned this night together, it shouldn't be up to me to just sweep her off her feet every single time. I think a lot of the comments are looking into it more than they should, because the largest issue I had was that she had a choice to have sex with me, which was the plan for days, or play cards, and she chose cards. But she didn't choose cards until it was time for sex. But, I did enjoy your card game examples, and I think you're right, I shouldn't have given her an opportunity to say no when she had already agreed previously. I just get so tired of taking the lead.
That last couple of sentences is really so wrong. You have got to get in individual therapy and work on your self-esteem and entitlement issues.I agree with a lot of the sentiment, but the issue is that I shouldn't have to be the one to always initiate. We had planned this night together, it shouldn't be up to me to just sweep her off her feet every single time. I think a lot of the comments are looking into it more than they should, because the largest issue I had was that she had a choice to have sex with me, which was the plan for days, or play cards, and she chose cards. But she didn't choose cards until it was time for sex. But, I did enjoy your card game examples, and I think you're right, I shouldn't have given her an opportunity to say no when she had already agreed previously. I just get so tired of taking the lead.
Do you know how much like a toddler you sound right now? There is literally nothing wrong with your wife preferring to play cards at the moment. Nothing at all.I don't understand why you are being such an asshole about this. My wife and I planned sex for days, and then she chose to play cards instead. It made me have a legitimate feeling, but it seems like I should suffer in silence and let is fester instead of getting online and asking for opinions and ideas from others. Phrasing the way you have makes me think you would personally be better off if you didn't join in during any of these discussions, because what you are doing is not beneficial at all. I also never said I needed someone else to prioritize me. Please, read the rest of the thread and stop projecting.
Because she didn't want you more than the cards at that moment. And there's nothing wrong with that. She wasn't in the mood just because you were horny this particular time so sue her.She was "ready and willing" after the third time I said I was ready to go to the bedroom, and it went something like this.
Me: I want you bad, I can't keep playing cards, this is ridiculous. Let's go to the bedroom.
Her: Looks longingly at the cards
Me: Come on, I can't take this
Her: Keeps looking at the cards, then me, then the cards
Me: Do you just want to keep playing cards? Cause that's fine, we can just play cards.
Her: No! I want to have sex!
Me: Then lets go?
Her: (Stares at the cards, looking around at the discard pile and her own hand for 15 seconds)..........Ok, let's go.
This was over a 20 minute period, not 3 times in a row.
I just never really got the vibe that she wanted me more than the cards, even though she spent days talking about how much she wanted me and how she couldn't wait until that night. But she never said she just wanted the cards.
After reading all this I can't believe she ever has sex with you.Projecting again, seeing as how many people have told me I should have taken the lead, taken her hand, scooped her up, etc. Notice how I asked her multiple times if she was ready for sex (as was the plan) and that being the nice guy (by giving her the choice) is something I maybe shouldn't have done. Please, stop trying to act like a keyboard savior and go away.
I thoroughly read everything you wrote before I made my comments. You harangued your wife to stop playing cards and have sex. I can only imagine how that looks to your wife and it's not good. You need to use a little respect with her and understand that it's not just about your needs and what you want and that she has her own wants and needs that are never going to completely line up with yours and that there is no obligation on her part to acquiesce to your needs and place them over her own. You are very self-centered in that regard in a immature way.I didn't once say there was anything wrong with it. These kinds of comments let me know you are cherry picking the thread. Read all available information before making statements please. If you do, you will see that the problem wasn't that she wanted to play cards, it was that she wasn't clear on what she actually wanted. I didn't tell her how she made me feel, and I waited until today to give myself time to think and ask questions here to see if I had a valid complaint.
Because you were making a big drama about the whole thing. She knows better than anyone that you don't like to hear the little truths and not get your way.Ah, exactly! You made my point for me. She didn't want me more than cards, yet she didn't make a choice. She could have said she wanted to play cards instead, which could have been fine. She told me she wanted to have sex while acting like she wanted to play cards, and the confusion caused some issues for me due to my own self esteem issues.
That's because you only want to hear what you want to hear and you only want to do what you want to do when you want to do it and don't really respect other people's opinions. I read everything and I stand by everything.I have a hard time believing that you made this comment after reading all of the other posts, so I'll give you a pass for your ignorance. The comment I made referenced some of the previous comments, which is what you should read.