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My son was in a serious car accident and suffered a moderate DAI (diffuse axonal injury). He was in a coma for 6 days and the prognosis for above injury very grim.
Well he is a miracle. He awoke from the coma and slowly is coming to heal. He can read, write, text, walk, joke, go to the bathroom, use a computer etc. He remembers everything up until the accident. He is being weaned off his tracheotomy which will then improve his strength (feeding tube) and mobility. He is still in hospital, and needs therapy for short-term memory and balance but considering that 90% with his type of injury never awaken from their coma, he is truly a miracle.
Very proud of my son and grateful for all the prayers.
Now the problem. My son is hospitalized an hour and a half away. Through insurance, I am allowed to stay with him in the same city until he is released from hospital. My wages and accomodations are paid for. My son's work threw several fundraisers for him and raised over $7000. His work will cover his wages too (senior in high school). He will eventually receive large insurance payout. None of that is important unless you are my husband, the step-father. I have deposited the fundraising money in our account, but a separate sub-account not accessible by ATM or debit. If it's something we need, I transfer the funds over (like damage deposit on accomodations). The money was raised to help with expenses so we can stay with my son. Now insurance pays mileage, a perdium for meals and accomodations. My wage is covered. Yes there is the odd expense like a computer for my son (netbook) and money is transferred accordingly.
My husband is upset that I 'control' the money. I have offered many occasions to show him how to computer bank and he tells me that he shouldn't have to work nights, do all the child rearing and learn how to pay the bills. Well the above is BS. I'm with kids whn I don't work and I make as much money as he does.
Second issue, our younger boys. As my older son is alert now, he is bored. His friends come a lot but are in school and an hour and a half away. The younger kids are 22 months and 4 1/2 years. We go to hospital together and visit my older boy for 20 minutes. After that my husband takes them to a pediatric playroom and they stay for another hour there. Same happens in afternoon. Through shift and holidays, my husband has worked 5 days since accident. After boys go to sleep, I go back for another half hour. I am being told I am neglecting our young boys. I am actually with them more than if I work an 8 hour day if I was home. According to him, he is with them ALL the time blah blah blah. Not true but because he talks louder I guess it is.
I hired a girl I know to look after the boys from 2-5 in afternoons so I can spend time with injured son (yes there are therapies that I need to learn to assist him). Yesterday, my husband was leaving for the park and switched up schedule for the girl looking after the boys. Then he was mad I didn't attend the park with all of them. Hello. I didn't hire this girl to hang out with me and the kids. I need free time. I'm a better mom when I feel I can attend to my older son and then spend decent time with the little ones.
All this comes with cruel comments on how I don't love the little ones and they are a pain in my side. We had an incident on Saturday where through my husband's carelessness, our 22 month old stepped off the edge and into the hotel pool. Now according to my husband, I froze because I didn't care. He was under for 10 seconds and held his breath, didn't come out coughing and wasn't even scared. Everything turned around on me.
I think all of this above is because he wants control of the money. And he would use it poorly like, 'well we should use it to pay off room service or put gas in truck'. Those expenses are covered with insurance. I'm not stock piling the money, but why spend it on already covered expenses. It will be needed.
I can't even write all the crap he has pulled over last few days. Total disrespect of me.
Time to pull the plug on this? He will come around in a week or so when he realizes his controlling ways won't work anymore. But every 6 months or so there is a huge blow up of this magnitude. Sorry for the rant, just tired of being beaten up.
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I am so glad to know of your son's progress. You must be so relieved.

As for your H, IMHO he's acting like a spoilt, jealous child. He's saying you don't spend enough time with the younger kids but is it really that he himself wants more of your attention. Maybe it's not solely about control of the money on his part.

It's always difficult when one child in the family needs special attention. You cannot not give that child the time and attention they need but at the same time we are supposed to ensure that other family members don't feel neglected. Then on top of that we need to take care of ourselves.

Unfortunately, I don't know how a person can juggle all this but is there any chance that the two of you can get a couple of hours quality time together once a week or so.
 

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The reality is your son has suffered a trauma & he needs your support at this point in time. Little kids are resilient and the lessor attention from you at the moment will not affect them. Your husband needs to step up & be supportive towards you & children during this time of stress, he needs to understand you didn't make this happen & your normal schedule will have to change for a while. This is not about him, it's about getting your son through this difficult time. Your hubsband needs to realize this & you are doing your best through this upset & you can't do it all alone, he needs to know this is just how it is at the moment & won't be forever, so get over it & accept it without the kicking & screaming when things can't work out his way.
And Yes, keep the money seperate from the everday finances, it's specifically for your son's needs now & in the future to aide his recovery. I wish you all the best, I can really relate to the stress you are under as we also have a sick child, she was in hospital for 12 mths straight, then every month for the following 2+ years, it's really difficult to juggle the whole family.
 

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So happy to hear about your sons miracle :)

As for you and your H, its so soon after everything.. things are a bit different momentarily. Perhaps after each of you let things sink in, you can regroup. You say this happens about every 6 month's with him. I'm guessing things calm down somewhat during those six months. If it is because of the money.. I would explain, and more than likely for tax purposes, that money needs to be its seperate entity and not intertwined with household expenses. BTW, does your H ever want to deal with household bills if there's regular pay to work with? Mine only ever asks about bills if we're getting a lump sum (I.e. taxes) and has his heart set on something big :( might not be your situation.. but that always bugs me. Says he's too busy every other time I tried to get him involved.
 

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The reality is your son has suffered a trauma & he needs your support at this point in time. Little kids are resilient and the lessor attention from you at the moment will not affect them. Your husband needs to step up & be supportive towards you & children during this time of stress, he needs to understand you didn't make this happen & your normal schedule will have to change for a while. This is not about him, it's about getting your son through this difficult time. Your hubsband needs to realize this & you are doing your best through this upset & you can't do it all alone, he needs to know this is just how it is at the moment & won't be forever, so get over it & accept it without the kicking & screaming when things can't work out his way.

^^^^ :iagree:

You need to sit down with your husband and as calmly as possible explain the above statement to him. He needs to realize the support YOU need to get your son through this trauma that came close to taking his life! Tell him you love him and love those little ones to pieces, but right now you need him to have your back, support you through this emotional and tiring time, and take on more responsibility with the little ones.
 

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Oh I'm also VERY happy to hear the good news about your son. That is truly a miracle, and all the prayers you have received have helped!! :) Just keep hanging in there; it will get better...........it already is!
 

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GG, as I've said before I am really happy to hear of his progress... and I'm sorry to hear you are going through those whole other set of issues too. I agree with TheCrunch that it may also about him wanting some more of some kind of attention from you. And as for financials, managing marital funds is one thing that needs to come from both partners, but this fund for your son needs to be treated as a business, and the less conflicting controlling partners involved the less chance of miscommunication and bad choices there is. Your H shouldn't treat this as marital property, though as it is his stepchild too it does ultimately affect his finances, so I do think he has a right to know the state of that account at any time, and have some input. But I would advise to not relinquish any control of that account, you are responsible enough to manage it alone and are not a threat to mismanaging it - and even if you are in the wrong about it this is one case where if H is indeed being mistreated it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission (it is a crisis situation of sorts).

That is just my own personal opinion of course - a pep talk cause I'm sure you got it under control.
 
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