Joined
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2,120 Posts
Most of you know my story...
Anywhere from 600-1200 texts per month to a single guy from the gym for at least three years. Morning on way to work, at lunch and before bed.
Took 3 years to get her to realize the damage she was causing. More often than not her texting him.
I'm more confident than not that she kept it from going full PA. But can never be sure.
That is just my gut reaction based on her reaction.
So one thing I learned is that the EA line is blurry... she still will not admit to me that it was an EA but her reaction and defense of him speaks otherwise.... she was blind to the volume of contact... after all it was just chatting about her day, him helping her with a side business, and her maintaining contact when away on girls nights out.
I think what finally tipped the scales was giving her Choice A or Choice B... Choice A was to end the affair I was certain was occurring, counseling etc. Choice B Divorce and full and complete disclosure sell the house and divide everything 50/50.
She never made a choice and she never DENIED it was an affair... so the next morning I asked if she had any concerns... she said NO but I am not giving up a friend. I'll text him less.
Well I decided to accept that as we have been actually doing really well besides sex lately. But that night I left on her counter the signs of an emotional affair and she hit 6 out of 10 and possibly all 10 on the list. Also that an EA actually hurts me worse than a PA would because of the long-term attachment. By definition its an EA.
What I notice... she wont text him and only respond shortly to any of his texts. Today zero texts between them.
So either she took it underground or she got the message he is bad for our marriage.
She knows if I catch it going underground we are DONE! and it will get fully exposed. This is her last chance.
Anyhow now I am in wait and see mode and giving her space to process what happened... she is going from 100's of texts a month to very few. That has to be hard. Shes been very talkative and responsive to me.
I'm OK everyone you know me I have a handle on most everything. The moral of the story though.... its a fine line between an EA and a good friendship. Affair fog is tough to cut through. Her mistake was giving a "workout buddy" her number around the same time as ILYNILWYA and allowing a three year daily relationship to develop.. At least she was obvious enough to follow her trail.
Anyhow I still believe 100% I will fix our sexless marriage... going to be easier without a third party in the picture. Three years worth of work will not go to waste. I'll keep you all updated.
Anywhere from 600-1200 texts per month to a single guy from the gym for at least three years. Morning on way to work, at lunch and before bed.
Took 3 years to get her to realize the damage she was causing. More often than not her texting him.
I'm more confident than not that she kept it from going full PA. But can never be sure.
That is just my gut reaction based on her reaction.
So one thing I learned is that the EA line is blurry... she still will not admit to me that it was an EA but her reaction and defense of him speaks otherwise.... she was blind to the volume of contact... after all it was just chatting about her day, him helping her with a side business, and her maintaining contact when away on girls nights out.
I think what finally tipped the scales was giving her Choice A or Choice B... Choice A was to end the affair I was certain was occurring, counseling etc. Choice B Divorce and full and complete disclosure sell the house and divide everything 50/50.
She never made a choice and she never DENIED it was an affair... so the next morning I asked if she had any concerns... she said NO but I am not giving up a friend. I'll text him less.
Well I decided to accept that as we have been actually doing really well besides sex lately. But that night I left on her counter the signs of an emotional affair and she hit 6 out of 10 and possibly all 10 on the list. Also that an EA actually hurts me worse than a PA would because of the long-term attachment. By definition its an EA.
What I notice... she wont text him and only respond shortly to any of his texts. Today zero texts between them.
So either she took it underground or she got the message he is bad for our marriage.
She knows if I catch it going underground we are DONE! and it will get fully exposed. This is her last chance.
Anyhow now I am in wait and see mode and giving her space to process what happened... she is going from 100's of texts a month to very few. That has to be hard. Shes been very talkative and responsive to me.
I'm OK everyone you know me I have a handle on most everything. The moral of the story though.... its a fine line between an EA and a good friendship. Affair fog is tough to cut through. Her mistake was giving a "workout buddy" her number around the same time as ILYNILWYA and allowing a three year daily relationship to develop.. At least she was obvious enough to follow her trail.
Anyhow I still believe 100% I will fix our sexless marriage... going to be easier without a third party in the picture. Three years worth of work will not go to waste. I'll keep you all updated.