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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wished I'd found this forum earlier.

I'd like some advice from the collective.

I'm supposed to be married in 5 weeks.

My future spouse has said many times that she's not physically attracted to me, and may never be. We have very little physical contact (which has always bothered me).

Up to this point, I've been attracted to her, but now, the feeling of being pushed away has left me with no desire also.

We do love each other, but not in a way that has any chemistry. It's been 3 months without sex, and that long without any meaningful kiss.

I'm going to talk to her today about postponing the marriage, as I just dont know if I can go through with it wiht our affairs the way they are.

She's going to freak out, as all the plans are set, and she will argue that we do love each other. (which is true).

Am I crazy? Is love enough without attraction/chemistry?

Thanks for any and all input. I'll be glad to honestly answer any questions...
 

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If you have a deep connection and truly love each other and BOTH of you are ok with not having sex very often, then maybe you wouldn't need to postpone your upcoming marriage.

Just my opinion, but its better to try to work this out now before marrying. I married a man with certain personality traits i didnt' like, but assumed marriage was a compromise and he would change. I'm now trying to cope with this 2 years into this marriage. He isn't very affectionate or intimate either and it often leaves me feeling unwanted and unattractive.

Maybe suggest counselling to her and if she doesn't feel it is a problem, you need to ask yourself if you can spend the rest of your life with her.

Good luck with your decision!
 

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Personally I would postpone the marriage and evaluate the relationhip. Do you want the rest of your life to be like the last 3 months? What is it going to be like after a year?

I see this as a thing that causes so many issues on these and other forums.

draconis
 

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I'm with Draconis... it obviously is an issue or you wouldn't be fretting about it 5 weeks before the wedding.

If she is not willing to see your point of view from now, what makes you think it will get better after you marry?


Platonic love is ok for you and your mate from high school... but not with the person you want to spend your life with, have kidswith etc... she sounds more like a chum than a wife...
 

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if this is how is it - then dont mean to be harsh - the marriage wont work. personally on my first marriage, i got married for the wrong reasons and the marriage collapsed before a year. and other than the expense of a wedding, we had an even larger divorce cost.
we all face the harsh fact of being alone - but in that loneliness you find out about you. believe this or not i like myself enough that i can make it on my own and you will meet someone that you will share some connections with.
sex, communication and honesty are in my view the pillars of a good start. what have you got? you should have more chemistry with your impending wife. but as i am a believer in the communication and effects of it. talk to her and find out why she has not had sex with you and discuss other issues that you have . you might have a better awareness of what you both want then.
 
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