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This post strengthens your stance on all this.

Him being married three times is very revealing and typical.
He is unwilling to change, he just dumps those he cannot mold to his ways.

He sounds very self-centered and selfish.

I am a groper, by the way.


Are Dee-
She has also been married three times. She was referring to how many times a week he told her he needed sex to be satisfied.
 

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She has also been married three times. She was referring to how many times a week he told her he needed sex to be satisfied.
Missed that.

I now change my tact...

Both are mismatched, and no longer compatible, if ever.

People change, some get more amorous with age, most do not.
Some ladies seem to be most amorous in their 40's

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Our OP is flustered, and she is running out of steam.

The anti-anxiety/depression medication is not helping here.
This is a common side effect of these medications, they lower one's libido.

Depression is real, it can be serious, and can be deadly to a marriage when the other partner has needs that are frustrated by the behaviors associated with depression.


Very few can live with a person who is always flat or down, and having bouts of niggling anxiety.

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Her husband is frustrated, with that ever-building, little head of steam.
He remains self-centered and lacks sufficient empathy for others, without a doubt.
He seems impossible to live with.
 
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Both would be better off, being single (again) and off anyone's long term, skin-to-skin radar.
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The hopefully, STBXH, should only date, do casual hookups, and not form any close bonds with woman.

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The OP should tend to her child, (job?), any close lady friends and family, and her hobbies.

She might, in the future find an, asexual man, but that is NOT what she wants.
She wants a romantic man, who is easy-going and not very sexually active.

Howsoever, can she (long term) hold up her warm-end in that next-new relationship?


Lilith-
 
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What @Lila says... ^^^^
Remind me what @Lila says, I may have her blocked due to well, nevermind.

A side note, reference only if that helps you categorize this; every day at least twice a day or more, I kiss, grab some butt, and call it groping if you want, - Mrs. Ragnar daily.
At no time do I ever think I want to grab you because I disrespect you....

It's always hey Sweetie, kiss me, cause I love you and you still do it for me, hubba hubba. Disrespect is the farthest from our minds.
Appreciation that we're able to enjoy each other and express affection is the reason.

Hell, I'm usually naked around the house in the morning after shower and we're both getting ready for our day and she regularly grabs me when we have a smooch. Nothing but love. Most guys are the same way.

Sadly, we here at TAM always hear the problems from posters that he or she never touches me, etc.
I'll hold on to the fact that intimate touching throughout the day is a great thing, a great way to keep showing affection.
 

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She just said it wasn't just the groping, but that he was abusive threatening divorce all the time, etc... very destabilising in a relationship.
Well, without more detail, it's a chicken-and-egg type of thing. After all, she married him...so one or both have changed either their behavior towards eachother, or their expectations.

Either way, I don't see the point in staying married and attempting to work anything out when she described him and her feelings the way she did. That is just too big a mountain of issues to deal with for me.
 

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I know this is a sore subject but the reason I joined is because I wanted to find out if husbands believe Groping private parts is normal. I don't like it only because sex is on the brain. I just want a simple hug if I ask for it. I just want to be held without an octopus all over me. Again my husband threatens divorce. He said it's just what guys do. I feel like a piece of meat honestly. We have been married 5 years and we are in our 50s. I don't even know what to do anymore.
Oddly enough, my wife welcomes me groping her. But I know when a simple hug is all she wants at that moment. And yes, sex is on the mind with wandering hands. Married 27 years.
 

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All good advice and experiences. Well he does this every time he hugs me. He didn't do it when we were first married. Even within a couple of years. It started more recently. I asked him why he wants to go down my pants or grabs my boobs. He says it is what man does and that my body is his because we are married. I will admit I am going through menopause and I am also on depression meds so that doesn't help my libido. But having sex a couple a times a week is good enough for me, even though I have lost interest. I miss my younger years. He does it only in private but the moment he starts fondling me he gets turned on which is why I said sex on the brain. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex but he has a funny way of showing affection. I am all for kissing and hugging, but why go down my pants? He is threatening divorce and will ignore me for a while now as he usually does. I have asked for counseling but he says he isn't wrong, he never is...
I think he needs to learn that you want JUST A HUG sometimes-- that is totally ok. I know from prior experience how it can push a woman away if someone makes things sexual every single time you touch, hug or come near them. It creates a sort of dread. My wife has described the same thing with her ex-husband.
 

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why does she not like it?
Is she OCD, and hates being touched?

does she have a negative image of her own sexiness, and can not possibly be sexy to her husband, so he is just an annoyance? (in which case he is just trying to convince her of her sexiness to HIM).

Does she hate sex? Or hate sex with HIM? in which case, she knows him touching her leads to sex, which she is avoiding.

i could go on, but you see...he is trying to communicate to her, and she is **** blocking him at every turn. He can not figure out what she is trying to tell him (other than "DON'T TOUCH ME, EVER!"

Is she mad at him, and wants to continually punish him?

She at least needs to communicate, in big girl words, WHY she thinks him touching her is "groping", and why she will not let him do it.

I suspect she read some feminist nonsense somewhere, and is applying it to her previously OK marriage, and does not realize she has gotten some horribly bad advise.
wow. you are straight out blaming OP for this. her husband has some very unattractive behaviours-- threatening divorce, not talking to her for days, and ONLY touching her in sexual ways.....it seems NORMAL to me that she would feel some repulsion.
 

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She just said it wasn't just the groping, but that he was abusive threatening divorce all the time, etc... very destabilising in a relationship.
You confused me for @aine. What she posted was spot on but it's not attributable to me.

But I do usually harp on mutual respect in a relationship, especially when it comes to boundaries. One failed marriage taught me that listening to my partner and acknowledging what they say is a huge sign of respect. That's something that seems to be lacking with the OP's husband.
 

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I think he needs to learn that you want JUST A HUG sometimes-- that is totally ok. I know from prior experience how it can push a woman away if someone makes things sexual every single time you touch, hug or come near them. It creates a sort of dread. My wife has described the same thing with her ex-husband.
If a W feels dread when a H hugs her, she should tell him shes filing for D, period.

There's no coming back from that level of disrespect.
 

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I know this is a sore subject but the reason I joined is because I wanted to find out if husbands believe Groping private parts is normal. I don't like it only because sex is on the brain. I just want a simple hug if I ask for it. I just want to be held without an octopus all over me. Again my husband threatens divorce. He said it's just what guys do. I feel like a piece of meat honestly. We have been married 5 years and we are in our 50s. I don't even know what to do anymore.
Gah why can't they just squeeze your shoulders or kiss youe neck or run a finger down your cheek. Give a girl the shivers? Instead, they have to act like weirdos and grab the boob like a door handle. So gross. Dudes, watch an episode of days of our lives and get a clue.
 

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Gah why can't they just squeeze your shoulders or kiss youe neck or run a finger down your cheek. Give a girl the shivers? Instead, they have to act like weirdos and grab the boob like a door handle. So gross. Dudes, watch an episode of days of our lives and get a clue.
It's not weird or gross to every woman. In fact, if a guy ran his finger down my cheek, I would find that weird. So we are quite different, like all people are.

And are you serious about watching Days of Our Lives to "get a clue"...?? A clue about what?
 

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Gah why can't they just squeeze your shoulders or kiss youe neck or run a finger down your cheek. Give a girl the shivers? Instead, they have to act like weirdos and grab the boob like a door handle. So gross. Dudes, watch an episode of days of our lives and get a clue.
You'll have to explain that further why you call guys weirdos and gross if they grab some butt or rub some tit when hugging their W when alone together. Especially in a long term M.
 

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You confused me for @aine. What she posted was spot on but it's not attributable to me.

But I do usually harp on mutual respect in a relationship, especially when it comes to boundaries. One failed marriage taught me that listening to my partner and acknowledging what they say is a huge sign of respect. That's something that seems to be lacking with the OP's husband.
And with the OP is my guess. Unless you really think his actions are just arbitrary and capricious, and not a reaction.
 

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Gah why can't they just squeeze your shoulders or kiss youe neck or run a finger down your cheek. Give a girl the shivers? Instead, they have to act like weirdos and grab the boob like a door handle. So gross. Dudes, watch an episode of days of our lives and get a clue.
Ladies ... "Days" is fiction. It's not real.
 

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When you can't touch em', best leave em'.
 
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