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Believe me, I have wanted to and almost have, but then he comes around and says to just forget it and pretend nothing happened and to not do it again. You see, I am blamed for everything that is wrong in this marriage. All I ever wanted was an apology. But he can't even do that. He always threatens to find someone else and that there are so many women out there that want him. I don't ever say that...ever. It isn't how I feel nor do I want to say such hurtful things. I know that this topic started with unwanted groping but in the end of it all, I am just ready, for the end of it. I am scared because this is my 3rd failed marriage. I have been told that it isn't that I don't do it right, it's just that I pick wrong for some reason. I am okay on my own. I was a single parent for 11 years when my baby was 5. Now she is 21 but sees the pain I am in.
You've pretty much described a situation that has no resolution for you, so I am going to agree with @Personal and @Prodigal ...I believe you should just cut your losses and move on. Then you can each find other people who are better matched to what you each really want.
 

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Yes, but it's also matter of respect. The OP has said several times she doesn't like it and he keeps doing it. Not a good thing.
why does she not like it?
Is she OCD, and hates being touched?

does she have a negative image of her own sexiness, and can not possibly be sexy to her husband, so he is just an annoyance? (in which case he is just trying to convince her of her sexiness to HIM).

Does she hate sex? Or hate sex with HIM? in which case, she knows him touching her leads to sex, which she is avoiding.

i could go on, but you see...he is trying to communicate to her, and she is **** blocking him at every turn. He can not figure out what she is trying to tell him (other than "DON'T TOUCH ME, EVER!"

Is she mad at him, and wants to continually punish him?

She at least needs to communicate, in big girl words, WHY she thinks him touching her is "groping", and why she will not let him do it.

I suspect she read some feminist nonsense somewhere, and is applying it to her previously OK marriage, and does not realize she has gotten some horribly bad advise.
 

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why does she not like it?
Is she OCD, and hates being touched?

does she have a negative image of her own sexiness, and can not possibly be sexy to her husband, so he is just an annoyance? (in which case he is just trying to convince her of her sexiness to HIM).

Does she hate sex? Or hate sex with HIM? in which case, she knows him touching her leads to sex, which she is avoiding.

i could go on, but you see...he is trying to communicate to her, and she is **** blocking him at every turn. He can not figure out what she is trying to tell him (other than "DON'T TOUCH ME, EVER!"

Is she mad at him, and wants to continually punish him?

She at least needs to communicate, in big girl words, WHY she thinks him touching her is "groping", and why she will not let him do it.

I suspect she read some feminist nonsense somewhere, and is applying it to her previously OK marriage, and does not realize she has gotten some horribly bad advise.

that is not how I read this at all. He abuses her emotionally with threats of divorce, threats of other women wanting him, unwilling to communicate on issues, no affection and just goes for the sex. If that is the case, he should do her a favour, leave her and go get a prostitute, he obviously does not want to put in any effort unless its sex. What ********! OP divorce him. You will only continue to be miserable in this marriage.
Where is the love, affection, emotion, respect and consideration. There is none. What woman would want to have sex with that, unless it was just a ****, no strings attached.
 

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that is not how I read this at all. He abuses her emotionally with threats of divorce, threats of other women wanting him, unwilling to communicate on issues, no affection and just goes for the sex. If that is the case, he should do her a favour, leave her and go get a prostitute, he obviously does not want to put in any effort unless its sex. What ****! OP divorce him. You will only continue to be miserable in this marriage.
Where is the love, affection, emotion, respect and consideration. There is none. What woman would want to have sex with that, unless it was just a ****, no strings attached.
hard to tell. we would need a lot more info to figure out if one or the other was at fault.
i am just pointing out that it is not so obvious WHO is at fault here. He might just be lashing out after having been rejected so many times.
 

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It's not a matter of respect. An popular but errant catch phrase if broadstroke used.
Its much more than respect, he keeps saying he wants to divorce, other woman would want him, he wants to rug sweep issues, have no communication, etc., not the foundation for a healthy marriage at all. SEX and rejection is all you guys see. What about the emotional damage he is doing to her, it is abusive. No-one wants to be groped by someone who effectively abuses them. See the bigger picture.
 

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I think he would be happy with every day if he could. But he did tell me 3 times would make him happy. Regardless, I am not happy in the marriage if truth be told. He is a perfectionist and does absolutely no wrong in his eyes. I suggested marriage counseling because I know it takes 2 to make or break a marriage. Third marriage here. It is funny you should mention a roommate because I have felt like that for some time now. A roommate with benefits. More to the story and maybe that is why I have lost interest. But he always talks divorce when he doesn't like what I say or do. He will ignore me. Last time he ignored me was for 5 days and that is because I did not go shopping with him one day. He throws the word around so lightly that I feel so unstable and insecure.
This post strengthens your stance on all this.

Him being married three times is very revealing and typical.
He is unwilling to change, he just dumps those he cannot mold to his ways.

He sounds very self-centered and selfish.

I am a groper, by the way.


Are Dee-
 

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It's obvious that there's more to the story than groping and/or controlling behavior by the OP's husband. But whatever that might be it seems that she got into a relationship with a man that is not suitable for her, and now that she's realizing that, is afraid to end this relationship over what perceptions herself and others might form of her due to a third failed relationship, That's silly and weak.

OP is your life, you cannot live it to please others, whether you're right or wrong on your responses to your husband's demands the bottom line is that obviously you're not with the right person (for the third time, supposedly), which at your age you need to find out why are you picking men that are not right for you. Something withing you is attracting the wrong guys. It's been only five years of marriage with him, and the fact that him groping you is such an issue to you (most likely you feel repulsed by him) should be enough for you to end this relationship.

Just get it over with, the longer you wait the more time of your life you're wasting away.
 

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It doesn't matter if it's normal for other people, what matters is YOUR marriage and you and your husband. Are you telling me he just started this behavior after you got married?

And could you explain what you mean with what I bolded? WHY don't you like it...because sex is always on his mind? Or something else?
When I read that line I empathized with her. For me, the only time I'm touched is for sex or when sex is on the brain. I'm never hugged except for a hi, bye kind of deal and when I am touched it's copious groping and I hate it too for that vary reason.

It's not that I don't like a slap on the ass, or a breast grab, ect. It's when that's the only physical 'affection' I receive. It get's old.
 

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When I read that line I empathized with her. For me, the only time I'm touched is for sex or when sex is on the brain. I'm never hugged except for a hi, bye kind of deal and when I am touched it's copious groping and I hate it too for that vary reason.

It's not that I don't like a slap on the ass, or a breast grab, ect. It's when that's the only physical 'affection' I receive. It get's old.
I agree with you...and then if you have needs that aren't being met with your partner, it's your responsibility to communicate them and to do what's needed to make sure they ARE met. If your partner resists or doesn't care about what you need, then you have to face that and find a way to resolve it, instead of remaining miserable.
 

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I agree with you...and then if you have needs that aren't being met with your partner, it's your responsibility to communicate them and to do what's needed to make sure they ARE met. If your partner resists or doesn't care about what you need, then you have to face that and find a way to resolve it, instead of remaining miserable.
Everything you said is true. I'm in the thick of it right now and struggling to leave.
 

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Regardless, I am not happy in the marriage if truth be told. He is a perfectionist and does absolutely no wrong in his eyes. I suggested marriage counseling because I know it takes 2 to make or break a marriage. Third marriage here. It is funny you should mention a roommate because I have felt like that for some time now. A roommate with benefits. More to the story and maybe that is why I have lost interest.
It's not about the groping. It's about you having one foot out of this marriage. The brain is the biggest sex organ & yours wants nothing to do with your husband. So it's a turn off when he touches you.

I hate to tell you this but you are on your way to a 3rd divorce. Your husband wants love affection & sex. Men need sex to feel loved. Something else is wrong here .. . .you said there is more to the story & you have lost interest. So if you don't want to be in this marriage any more, just get out. When sex is a chore you're doomed.
 

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My wife and I are both 59. She has a very nice caboose, and I always have to pat it when I hug her each morning. She has no complaints. Hell, it just depends on the couple. Nothing wrong with being playful. Keep dating is my motto.
 
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