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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know this is a sore subject but the reason I joined is because I wanted to find out if husbands believe Groping private parts is normal. I don't like it only because sex is on the brain. I just want a simple hug if I ask for it. I just want to be held without an octopus all over me. Again my husband threatens divorce. He said it's just what guys do. I feel like a piece of meat honestly. We have been married 5 years and we are in our 50s. I don't even know what to do anymore.
 

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My wife doesn’t like it if, as she says, I go for the goodies immediately.

One way to teach him this is to grab his **** when he’s not expecting it out of the blue. It will be startling for him and when you explain this is how you feel when he suddenly grabs your <fill in the blank> maybe that will help him connect the dots.

As for groping in general, I love it. So yeah I want to do it, but not if my wife is like, “Ew…”
 

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I know this is a sore subject but the reason I joined is because I wanted to find out if husbands believe Groping private parts is normal. I don't like it only because sex is on the brain. I just want a simple hug if I ask for it. I just want to be held without an octopus all over me. Again my husband threatens divorce. He said it's just what guys do. I feel like a piece of meat honestly. We have been married 5 years and we are in our 50s. I don't even know what to do anymore.
We are in our 50s too and married 32 years. I get pretty "handsy" with my wife when we are alone. It isn't uncommon for me to cup her breast and kiss her when I say hello, alone of course. My wife does this too. It isn't uncommon for her to walk up to me, gently squeeze my junk and give me a kiss. I do know the limits and boundaries though. I can read pretty well when it isn't a good idea. Also, I certainly wouldn't be jumping to divorce if she told me to stop.

There must be more to your story. I can't believe you simply tell your husband not to grope you and he threatens divorce. How do you tell him to stop? What other issues are you having? How good is your sex life and how often are you and your husband intimate? Any kids at home with you?
 

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So let me get this straight @Melinda 1967 this is only your husband of 5 years doing this and you don’t like it correct? Does he do it only at home or at in public as well? I would personally from a man’s perspective who is on his mid to late 50’s and been married to my 55 wold wide for over 34 years and I still grab or slap sometimes in the privacy of our home. I would be worried if he did not do it no longer. I personally mean it out of love and let her know she still does it for me.
 

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I know this is a sore subject but the reason I joined is because I wanted to find out if husbands believe Groping private parts is normal. I don't like it only because sex is on the brain. I just want a simple hug if I ask for it. I just want to be held without an octopus all over me. Again my husband threatens divorce. He said it's just what guys do. I feel like a piece of meat honestly. We have been married 5 years and we are in our 50s. I don't even know what to do anymore.
It doesn't matter if it's normal for other people, what matters is YOUR marriage and you and your husband. Are you telling me he just started this behavior after you got married?

And could you explain what you mean with what I bolded? WHY don't you like it...because sex is always on his mind? Or something else?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
All good advice and experiences. Well he does this every time he hugs me. He didn't do it when we were first married. Even within a couple of years. It started more recently. I asked him why he wants to go down my pants or grabs my boobs. He says it is what man does and that my body is his because we are married. I will admit I am going through menopause and I am also on depression meds so that doesn't help my libido. But having sex a couple a times a week is good enough for me, even though I have lost interest. I miss my younger years. He does it only in private but the moment he starts fondling me he gets turned on which is why I said sex on the brain. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex but he has a funny way of showing affection. I am all for kissing and hugging, but why go down my pants? He is threatening divorce and will ignore me for a while now as he usually does. I have asked for counseling but he says he isn't wrong, he never is...
 

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All good advice and experiences. Well he does this every time he hugs me. He didn't do it when we were first married. Even within a couple of years. It started more recently. I asked him why he wants to go down my pants or grabs my boobs. He says it is what man does and that my body is his because we are married. I will admit I am going through menopause and I am also on depression meds so that doesn't help my libido. But having sex a couple a times a week is good enough for me, even though I have lost interest. I miss my younger years. He does it only in private but the moment he starts fondling me he gets turned on which is why I said sex on the brain. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex but he has a funny way of showing affection. I am all for kissing and hugging, but why go down my pants? He is threatening divorce and will ignore me for a while now as he usually does. I have asked for counseling but he says he isn't wrong, he never is...
Were you having more sex when you first got married...and were you more into it? And is HE happy with 2 times a week now?
 

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I (50) grope my wife's (51) private parts quite often, yet she is fine with it and it has ever been thus through more than 25 years of being together.

However it is a significant concern that your husband feels that he owns your body as his property, and that he doesn't respect that you don't like him doing this. Given the fact that your husband is trying to manipulate you and is also threatening divorce over this, I encourage you to give him what he wants and divorce him as soon as you possibly can.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Were you having more sex when you first got married...and were you more into it? And is HE happy with 2 times a week now?
Being newly married of course it was exciting. But it didn't help going through menopause. He is happy with 3 times a week, I prefer once a week so 2 times a week is a good compromise. There is more to the story though. I would like a little more romance and less groping.
 

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Being newly married of course it was exciting. But it didn't help going through menopause. He is happy with 3 times a week, I prefer once a week so 2 times a week is a good compromise. There is more to the story though. I would like a little more romance and less groping.
That's not what I asked though...I asked if HE was happy with 2 times a week.

And I wonder if you would be happy if he were completely uninterested in you sexually and just wanted a roommate? I am not being snarky, I'm really asking.
 

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I think your husband's behavior is pretty normal, most guys think about sex regularly, more often than women.

My husband grabs my butt and boobs when he wants to. I don't mind it unless he gets carried away and slaps me hard! I actually love it when he kisses me and grabs my butt.

I don't think it's abnormal to get turned on by touching each other.

I know menopause sucks but how are you dealing with the changes? Are you taking any hormones? Is your husband aware of all the changes you are going through?

To tell you the truth, both of you are going through the change. I'm guessing menopause is hard for men and women. Try to communicate your issues with touching, but don't ignore his needs for sex and physical touch. You both have been married a few years and are already having problems. You should be in your honeymoon stage!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
That's not what I asked though...I asked if HE was happy with 2 times a week.

And I wonder if you would be happy if he were completely uninterested in you sexually and just wanted a roommate? I am not being snarky, I'm really asking.
I think he would be happy with every day if he could. But he did tell me 3 times would make him happy. Regardless, I am not happy in the marriage if truth be told. He is a perfectionist and does absolutely no wrong in his eyes. I suggested marriage counseling because I know it takes 2 to make or break a marriage. Third marriage here. It is funny you should mention a roommate because I have felt like that for some time now. A roommate with benefits. More to the story and maybe that is why I have lost interest. But he always talks divorce when he doesn't like what I say or do. He will ignore me. Last time he ignored me was for 5 days and that is because I did not go shopping with him one day. He throws the word around so lightly that I feel so unstable and insecure.
 

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I think he would be happy with every day if he could. But he did tell me 3 times would make him happy. Regardless, I am not happy in the marriage if truth be told. He is a perfectionist and does absolutely no wrong in his eyes. I suggested marriage counseling because I know it takes 2 to make or break a marriage. Third marriage here. It is funny you should mention a roommate because I have felt like that for some time now. A roommate with benefits. More to the story and maybe that is why I have lost interest. But he always talks divorce when he doesn't like what I say or do. He will ignore me. Last time he ignored me was for 5 days and that is because I did not go shopping with him one day. He throws the word around so lightly that I feel so unstable and insecure.
This doesn't sound like a healthy marriage. The groping and you not liking it are symptoms, not the root of the problem.

You both need a serious discussion about what you both want out of this marriage because it doesn't seem to be working the way it is for either of you. Then you have to decide if it is worth trying to repair and are both of you willing to do what it takes to make it work for both of you. If your husband isn't willing to work with you then you may need to make the ugly decision to end the marriage.
 

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But he always talks divorce when he doesn't like what I say or do. He will ignore me. Last time he ignored me was for 5 days and that is because I did not go shopping with him one day.
My suggestion to you? Take him up on his offer. The third time ISN'T the charm.

He doesn't want counseling.

He pouts when he doesn't get his way.

He thinks he's always right.

He regularly threatens divorce.

Does that pretty much cover it? Look, maybe you aren't marriage material. Maybe you just pick the wrong guys. But, as you said, it takes TWO. Me? I'd dump this man like radioactive waste. Life is too damn short to spend it in unfulfilling relationships that suck the life out of you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
This doesn't sound like a healthy marriage. The groping and you not liking it are symptoms, not the root of the problem.

You both need a serious discussion about what you both want out of this marriage because it doesn't seem to be working the way it is for either of you. Then you have to decide if it is worth trying to repair and are both of you willing to do what it takes to make it work for both of you. If your husband isn't willing to work with you then you may need to make the ugly decision to end the marriage.
Believe me, I have wanted to and almost have, but then he comes around and says to just forget it and pretend nothing happened and to not do it again. You see, I am blamed for everything that is wrong in this marriage. All I ever wanted was an apology. But he can't even do that. He always threatens to find someone else and that there are so many women out there that want him. I don't ever say that...ever. It isn't how I feel nor do I want to say such hurtful things. I know that this topic started with unwanted groping but in the end of it all, I am just ready, for the end of it. I am scared because this is my 3rd failed marriage. I have been told that it isn't that I don't do it right, it's just that I pick wrong for some reason. I am okay on my own. I was a single parent for 11 years when my baby was 5. Now she is 21 but sees the pain I am in.
 

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what you call "groping", is his way of showing his love, his interest in you, that he still thinks you are sexy, and that he is horny for you.

if you continually turn his advances down....he will give up eventually, and possibly find someone else who DOES like it.

do you really want to roll those dice?
 

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what you call "groping", is his way of showing his love, his interest in you, that he still thinks you are sexy, and that he is horny for you.

if you continually turn his advances down....he will give up eventually, and possibly find someone else who DOES like it.

do you really want to roll those dice?
@Talker67 does have a point. If there is a bright side, he is obviously physically attracted to you. The problem is I think he has done things that make him unattractive to you.
 

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I am scared because this is my 3rd failed marriage.
So what? Are you going to stay with him because you're scared that you'll be branded by society as a failure? What exactly are you scared of? Hell, I worked with a gal who had three failed marriages. She eventually met a wonderful man. They lived together until he died earlier this year. They loved each other and were completely devoted. So forget this third marriage crap. Get out and live your life the way you want to, not the way society supposedly dictates.

I have been told that it isn't that I don't do it right, it's just that I pick wrong for some reason. I am okay on my own.
So get into some serious counseling to figure out why you pick men who aren't right for you. Hey, I married TWO alcoholics. And I was determined to figure out why I did that. Both of them are now dead due to their drinking. Me? I'm doing just fine and I'm very happy living the single life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
@Talker67 does have a point. If there is a bright side, he is obviously physically attracted to you. The problem is I think he has done things that make him unattractive to you.
The more I think about it, you are right. He has treated me more like a roommate at times so I feel like that is all I really am to him. I feel like I lost myself when I married him. Maybe it's because I was divorced for some time before I met him and lived on my own. Funny story though, I am his 3rd wife as well. First wife gave him 5 children and then he left her because she didn't understand him. Then he married another and she left after 6 months...So...I know what I need to do but I need to be strong enough to do it. If he doesn't want counseling, maybe I should go it alone.
 
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