Any insights or ideas would be appreciated. (Let's leave out the instant accusations of an affair).
Been having troubles with my wife and our marriage recently. Thanks to some counseling sessions, this website, other online resources and books, I have an idea of what I can do better and what's led to these problems. My wife, who I love greatly, continues to lash out at me with instant anger. She's refused to recognize how she may have partially contributed to our problems, take any advice from the counselor and won't even attend anymore. I feel like I'm just waiting for her to make up her mind. We barely talk anymore, never have sex, and every conversation ends up in me getting yelled at. I've been doing a great job of not arguing or yelling, but it's started to really hurt me. I think she is not even listening to me most of the time.
Here's the recent history. Over the last several years with the demands of our careers and kids, we haven't gotten to spend much time alone together to maintain and strengthen our relationship. We've both had some recent career challenges. I'm the overwhelming breadwinner in the family, and my income and career allow us to live quite well, save and provide for our children's futures. She's had a part time job for several years to keep herself busy and happy, but barely brings in any money. She's recently had a health scare and will have chronic problems. She also had a close sister die suddenly a few months ago at a very young age. I think I've become a scapegoat for her grief and unhappiness, which I've been trying to help her through.
How do I get her to seek counseling for herself?
I am worried she may hurt herself because she seems to have become dangerously impulsive and angry.
I've had friends and counselors advise moving out and speaking to an attorney (sometimes I think this is what she wants me to do), but these seem drastic and I want to make sure she is mentally healthy. What does anybody else think? At what point does a spouse start to prepare for a separation or divorce? Especially, when sudden recent events have made someone grief stricken or depressed?