Yashua
You are in a tough situation.
It sounds like your wife needs to be committed so she can get specialized counselling.
Get an attorney to look at your case to see if you can get your wife committed to a mental health facility.
Good Luck
HM64
YashuaI'm new here and didn't know where to post. I am 41,and she is 41. been married for 19 years. Have 4 children, 1 step child who is in prison for drugs, 1 child whom we took in as adopted, but who is really a friends child, and two of my own children from our marriage. I met my wife when I was 21, I didn't know she even had a child until six months later. We had my first son at 24. Married at 30. She spent a month in a behavioral clinic (against her will), then another two weeks later on in there of her own free will. She has about 5 assault charges against me. Domestic abuse. I have 1 charge against me "interfering with a 911 call" because I took the phone from her one night so she would stop calling 911 every time something went wrong. She had a one night stand with my long time friend two years ago, and since that time has lost her job, been arrested 3 times. Done drugs with her daughter, abandoned her family for a month with no indication where she was to anybody, does not think she needs a job to help me out, and is a lousy homemaker. She did not used to be this way, but ever since her infidelity she has. She blames me for all of her problems. Her own mother has offered to help me pay for a divorce, but I always thought that you should stand by your vows. I am a musician. I pay all of our bills, she contributes nothing to helping out financially. When she does do housework it is half-assed. She was diagnosed with high anxiety disorder, (which I think is BS) She has hit me in front of my 17 year old son, only yo have her own son defend me. She has wrecked our home a few times out of anger, and I am just fed up with her BS. Any advice?
Sorry I should clarify. She has five assault charges. She assaulted me, I never assaulted her, though I wished I could have. I was brought up to never hit a woman.Wow. You can't make this stuff up....
Why are you still with this woman? She's charged you with assault 5 times? You guys are toxic to each other. Get out ASAP!
wow, you are either crazy youself, or you must really love this woman, because i see nothing positive or any reason to stay, good luck with your decision
Yashua, there is a strong relationship between spousal battering and personality disorders (PDs). A 1993 Canadian study, for example, found that nearly all the spouse batterers had a full blown PD and half of them suffered from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Roger Melton summarizes these study results at Romeo's Bleeding - When Mr. Right Turns Out To Be Mr. Wrong -- Health & Wellness -- Sott.net. I therefore suggest you read my brief description of BPD traits to see if most sound very familiar. My post is in Maybe's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522.She has hit me in front of my 17 year old son... She has wrecked our home a few times out of anger.
If you want to know what disorder she likely is suffering from, it would be prudent to see your own psychologist -- for a visit or two by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you and your son are dealing with. It is commonly known -- both within and outside the psychiatric profession -- that therapists are loath to tell a client that she has a PD even when that PD is full blown.She was diagnosed with high anxiety disorder, (which I think is BS)
Thanks for the reply.Yashua, there is a strong relationship between spousal battering and personality disorders (PDs). A 1993 Canadian study, for example, found that nearly all the spouse batterers had a full blown PD and half of them suffered from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Roger Melton summarizes these study results at Romeo's Bleeding - When Mr. Right Turns Out To Be Mr. Wrong -- Health & Wellness -- Sott.net. I therefore suggest you read my brief description of BPD traits to see if most sound very familiar. My post is in Maybe's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522.
I caution that PDs do not lie hidden for years at a time and then surface in the last few years of a marriage. Typically, a PD is hidden only for 3 to 6 months during the infatuation period of courtship. Then you will start seeing the red flags. I therefore ask whether you saw red flags starting right after your marriage and continuing, perhaps every two or three weeks, throughout your marriage?If you want to know what disorder she likely is suffering from, it would be prudent to see your own psychologist -- for a visit or two by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you and your son are dealing with. It is commonly known -- both within and outside the psychiatric profession -- that therapists are loath to tell a client that she has a PD even when that PD is full blown.
They often withhold the name of the disorder -- particularly from the vast majority of PD sufferers who are high functioning -- for the clients' own protection. For an explanation of why this information is withheld from clients and their spouses, please see my post at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-official-im-getting-divorced.html#post811909. Relying on the advice of your W's therapist during the marriage would be as foolish as relying on the advice of her attorney during a divorce. It is important that you see a psychologist who is ethically bound to protect YOUR interests, not hers. Take care, Yashua.
Yashua, of the 19 years of your marriage, exactly how long did "really wonderful" last? I ask because, if your W has strong traits of a personality disorder like BPD, the traits would not disappear for years at a time.After we were married we went to church faithfully, and everything was really wonderful.