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I have been unhappily married for 6 years now. I have a 5 year old daughter from this marriage and a 14 year old son from a previous relationship. I believe my husband married me because I was pregnant and he wanted to do the "right thing".

When we met things were just amazing. I felt the luckiest woman on the face of this earth. He was so caring and loving with me and with my son. All he talked about was getting married and having a life together. He is 20 years older than I am and although that never bothered me I was concerned because I wanted to have more children. He then told me he wanted more children and that is when our relationship blossomed. That is when I actually let him in life. He had all the qualities I was looking for in a man, responsible, financially stable, loving, caring and he was good to my son. What more could I ask for? About eight months into our relationship, he started to change. He no longer spoke about marriage. He wasn't as close to me and he seemed to be bothered with everything my son did. I then started having doubts about relationship. A year and four months later, I got pregnant with my daughter. When I told him I was pregnant his response was , "oh sh....".
For the next three months he didn't say a word to me about getting married. He didn't even talk about it. Finally after sometime, he gave me the ring and said to me" here, this is what you wanted". That is how he proposed to me! At that point I knew that this relationship might not work but I accepted anyway. I was a single mom with my son and I didn't want Mom and Dad to see me go through that again. Although I was pregnant, I wanted to get married through the church but he told me he couldn't because he was divorced. Well to my surprise when we moved away and I was unpacking our things, I came across a letter from the Diocese of the city where he got married stating that his marriage was anuled. Apparently, before I came into the picture he was going to marry someone else and do it through the church but she called off the wedding. Needless to say, I was destroyed, he lied to me.

He put me through so much pain the first year married. He used to screem at our daughter which was only a few months old to stop crying. He continuously yelled at my son. When I would defend my children, he would yell at me.

Now that we moved away from all of our family things have gotten worse. My son simply can't stand him and my husband simply doesn't care if he likes him or not. He can go months without having sex with me. I can't remember the last time he kissed me passtionately. He kisses me like he was kissing his daughter. I am now on medication and dealing with depression which seems to get worse. Needless to say I am burned out, lonely, scared to go out on my own with my kids and simply have fallen out of love.

What can I do? I am so scared! I also hate for my daughter to suffer because of our mistakes.
 

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Dear Poster---

I hope you know that you and your children DESERVE better!!!
Kick his Arse to the curb and find a new life for you and your children.
Show your kids what you do when you make a mistake and we all make mistakes. Your children will thank you and you will respect yourself. This is no life for anyone of you!!!
 

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fruitloop, I know how hard it is to leave, especially when you have children to think of. Hopefully he can give you decent child support. Try to make it without him. This man does not love you and he resents you (probably thinks you trapped him into marriage and that is why he proposed that way).

Get out. You are younger and can find a man more your age. I have not seen a 20 year old difference work (unless they are movie stars).
 

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unhappily married also...

i too am unhappily married with 3 young children and i am looking for a way out. he is hiding something from me I just don't know what it is yet. It is like i am living in HELL---O

My advice is get out ASAP!!!!

Being unhappy is unhealthy
 

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FruitLoop, many of the sentiments you expressed are similar to my spouse's. I'm afraid she views me the way you view your significant other. I wish I could make her happy.

I've found that the more I do for her the more dependent and depressed she becomes. She too is uncomfortable leaving the house. I try and encourage her to get out, but it's now a sore subject.

Any advice on what I can do to make things better? I guess what I'm looking for is... what would you appreciate, what things would make you happy?

Thank you in advance.
 

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Get an immediate separation, and if you really want to salvage the marriage do so while separated. I mean move out type separated, not in house separation.

If you have to move back with your family, it may wound your pride. In the end a wounded pride is better than an emotionally wounded child.

He needs to get his attitude and anger in check, a wake up call like separation might help.
 

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The OP is from 2007.

I hope she left him a long time ago.
 
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