QFT. Preach, Marduk, preach!Yes, and more: “don’t believe your lying eyes... only believe what I tell you.”
She’s getting him to mistrust his own sense of self, and trust her opinion more.
This is why she made him ‘confess’ to her father that he feels lust for other women: to shame him into rejecting his own personality and the reality that everyone lusts for other people occasionally, and replace it with only her own opinion (and by extension her idealized father figure).
This is why I freaked out so many posts ago, and insisted that he should leave, and why she doesn’t love him. This has never been about love, it has always been about control. Her need to control is likely rooted in her own insecurities, maybe about her own faith. But this doesn’t matter. He cannot change it. She will not ‘see the light of day.’ Words from ministers will not reach her. The more he slips away, the more she will tighten her grasp. She needs him much more than he needs her, and this is what she is likely terrified of. Because if he leaves, she will be a failure.
One quibble I have with Brother Marduk, however, is that there is no need for a rapid departure. Rather, this is the time for you to work on yourself and become more skilled at identifying - and asserting - your own needs. Your changes are likely to cause your wife great angst. But they are necessary for your own self-preservation. Become comfortable - even encourage - the chaos it's likely to create. It's becoming increasingly apparent that there's nothing that you can do that will bring your wife into the "normal spouse" range. But the work you do now will help you become a more authentic partner for someone else if / when the time comes when this marriage arrives at its likely final destination.