Thank you - many good points. I mainly use my phone to browse a social media website that has a little of it, buried. On rare occasion, I use a computer in the home that she does not know can access any website. Honestly, I would like to just be done with it and have full transparency with my wife. However, sometimes we fight and withhold sex, and then especially I want/need an outlet... thus my predicament.I’m glad to hear that you have stopped the porn. I think you will need to have porn blocking software on your computer.
Since this is an area of contention in your marriage, it is something that you should speak to your wife about and come to a resolution together. She cannot dictate to you how you are to live your life, but you two are married and should always consider each other and seek to be loving in your interactions. You are not your wife’s boss and she isn’t your boss. The two of you should work together to come to conclusions and resolve issues.
Your wife has been hurt by your porn usage and doesn’t want you on the internet. She is trying to control her life, but in the process is being controlling of you. This is not healthy for either of you and should be discussed. How are you going to earn her trust and what can you do to freely use the internet without making her worried sick that you are lusting after other women rather than forsaking all others for her alone? That is something that the two of you should work on together. Maybe seek marriage counseling to work through that together? You don’t want to feel like you are married to your mother and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want you to feel that way either. She does, however, want you to have eyes only for her and to be trustworthy. But you have to prove that on your own by being trustworthy rather than by her trying to control the situation to keep you in line so she feels safe.
The No More Mr. Nice Guy book will clearly lay out a lot of what your issues are, but I think his prescription is highly self-serving and not geared towards relationship building. I think the first part of the book is very good, but the second half is mostly trash. NMMNG is not about working with a partner to resolve relationship issues, but to learn how to become more self-centered, which I believe is an unhealthy way to live. Read to seek understanding of the issues, but if you implement his recommendation, your marriage will likely fail. For example, Glover recommends stopping partnered sex to focus on masturbation in order to learn about yourself. If my husband were to do something like that, I would assume that my husband wasn’t truly concerned with me or my needs and it would have profoundly negative consequences in our marriage.
How were viewing porn if you don’t use your phone and don’t have a home computer to use?