She sounds nice. Maybe a tad too trusting, but I don’t see that as a red flag.
Also, she was upfront and honest with you about the green card. She didn’t have to tell you any of that.
I’m not sure what your concerns are about 7th Day Adventists? I went to school with quite a few, and they were very nice people. They keep the sabbath. So if that is a unacceptable thing for a prospective partner to do, then don’t lead her on. If it’s not a deal breaker, take interest in learning about her faith and practices so you can understand and respect them better.
Not every situation requires a conspiracy theory. Some people are just actually good, nice humans.
This was mostly my assessment of the whole date until I discussed it with my roommate. He brought up the possibility that this might be an "Unhealthy behavior tied into neediness/co-dependency". I still feel like she's a good person and not trying to use me, but I also want to make certain I'm not falling victim to the "Halo effect"
-Also, I really don't have any problem (so far) with SDA's. I had them confused with another religion. When she mentioned it, I immediately had flashbacks of one of my friend's Ex's who got into a really bizarre church that abused and manipulated her when she was going through tough times. I remembered some rather ridiculous beliefs like not celebrating birthdays, Christmas, or Easter and not allowing them to have blood transfusions. I couldn't recall if her church was 7DA or Jehovah's Witnesses. I did some research this past weekend (before posting here) and much to my relief, I discovered it was JW's
The fact that she's from a different culture may play a major part in how she is acting on a date. Quite often, different cultures have very different customs and traditions when it comes to dating and marriage. That may have been a very typical date in her home country. Whether that's a red flag or not might be up for discussion. It may indicate that she would expect things to progress one way while you expect it to progress a different way because of your respective cultures and upbringings.
Also something I was thinking. That being said, she's been in the US since she was 5. She's now 30. So, I assume she's probably adjusted to most things American Culture-wise, but she still has strong ties to her original culture/roots and family. Also, I love dating woman and learning about other cultures. So I'm hoping I get to immerse myself in her culture/traditions if we do manage to get a relationship rolling.
Thanks for the compliments on my SN. The card in game in question is NOT in fact gambling, it's actually a very complex and intricate collectible card game called "Magic: the Gathering". I actually tend to make money off the game on the secondary market, buying and selling cards.Great screen name.
So - I’m not being critical or judgmental - I am however curious about the paragraph below:
She did try to dig a little more into why I was divorced. I tried to explain it as “a lot of little things” and “my Ex didn’t like the games I was playing. She probed for more information and was curious about the card game I played. She also asked what I was looking for on OKC and if I was definitely interested in a second date with her.
In my world, this is a diplomatic way of referencing gambling, which I have absolutely no moral objection to. I know that there are a small pool of professional gamblers who make money playing. Everyone else loses money. The only material question is what percentage of their income they spend/lose.
Thanks for this @Livvie. I'm very glad and quite impressed that you and others seem to remember me, even though it's probably been over 3 yrs since my last post. Thanks for that!I think it's odd the date lasted so long and *that you went shopping together for her stuff and then you put stuff together for her at her apartment* as a first date!!! That's heavy boyfriend stuff. Not first date stuff.
Don't be surprised, if you have a relationship with her, that you'll be doing most of everything for her. You'll be The Chore Boy.
I recall you as a poster, and know that your wife expected you to do so many things for her. Even fetching her a glass of water when she could have gotten it herself, as an expected chore, not just a surprise nicety. Am I remembering that right? So this may feel very FAMILIAR.
Beware of picking the same type.
Heck, you could even end up providing the green card for her.
There ARE more self-sufficient women out there. It's nice to do nice things for people, but this one may turn out to be one who you'll end up doing everything for. All chores. No fun. Will be your life. Look at what you are picking, and know there are other types.
Firstly, I do want to say that I didn't complete this project on my own. I was sitting on her couch and she was describing how she was trying to figure out how she wanted to arrange her shelves along with her art. She asked if I could help since she didn't really understand the instructions. She helped a lot the whole time and it was really more of team effort (i.e. I would hold a shelf, she would draw points on the wall, I did most of the drilling, but she screwed or unscrewed stuff as well).
After it was all finished and we were chilling on her couch, I teased her about just bringing me over to apartment to take advantage of me by having me build her shelf. She said "No, I didn't think about it until you we're sitting here and I thought, 'I need to hang these and I actually have a man who can help me' " She said she could have her bro do it, but he wasn't the most reliable for showing up when he said he would.
In all honestly, the fact that a woman trusted me to do a handyman project for her (something I warned her I wasn't very skilled at) and wasn't too picky with the results (it definitely didn't turn out great, but it was "good enough for now") did a lot to build my confidence.
That being said, I think she's also fairly self-sufficient, but perhaps missing having a man in her life. She's working 2 jobs, has a Bachelor's degree and has begun studying to pursue her Master's degree (she's not currently en-rolled for it, though).
When I got home and texted her to see what she was up to. She said she was building furniture she had ordered from Amazon.
I asked her if it was easy.
Her: LOl, I wish, it's not bad but some pieces are a mess"
Me: I'm sure you can handle it, you seem like a very capable woman"
Her response: "Lol, only when there's no guy to rely on :wink2:"
After that text I decided to hold off on texting her for the rest of the weekend, since Saturday was her Sabbath and she mentioned she would be working insane hours on Sunday. I also didn't want to appear needy/desperate or text too much.
When I txt'ed her today to ask how her weekend was she responded with.
Her: "He lives!"
Me: "Lol, why did you think I had died?"
Her: Well... No communication these past 2 days, I thought maybe i had truly scared you off by the work i had you do"
I replied with "naw, I don't scare that easily" and explained that I had just wanted to give her space and gave the reasons mentioned above.
I'm trying not to concern myself over the subtext of her text there. I'm still wondering if she was joking/being sarcastic, wishing I had texted her more, maybe upset or thinking I had lost interest or ghosted her... I guess I could assume she may be just as nervous about "screwing up" and scaring someone off as I might be.
Hmm, regardless, she's given no indication that she's lost interest so far, so I'm really hoping we do have a few more successful dates at the very least.