Uncontrollable Pain

11086 Views 80 Replies 20 Participants Last post by Ghaleon, Jun 28, 2013

Ghaleon

Discussion Starter · Oct 16, 2012

I have a post in the spirituality board because at the time I felt like I was more saving my wife than anything else.

The story in short is, wife cheats on me twice before we get married, we work on things and things go well. Then she starts having affairs while married and then one day she just up and leaves to go live with this other man 2 hours away. She keeps telling me she loves me and doesn't want me to know where she is at and who she is with. So I finally found out.

Now shes been gone for 9 months and she kept wanting me to hang out by telling me she was coming back. Then she thought I was seeing someone (which I wasn't, it was something a friend did to make her jealous) and shes screamed for a divorce every since.

For a long time now she has been saying that she feels we are better suited as friends so shes always asking me to be her friend. I just found out that she is telling her family and friends that I wouldn't work and was abusive so she had to leave. Then she turns around and asks if I will forgive her and be her friend.

She sends me divorce papers in the mail and there horrible! Misspellings, bad grammar, wrong dates and their not legal.

I have been suffering for 9 months because I love her to death. I just don't know what to do and I don't want a divorce.

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bandit.45

· #2 · Oct 16, 2012

She sounds like she is insane. Mentally ill.

I know it hurts brother, but let her go and divorce her. Cut her out of your life. She's a cancer.
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KnK

· #3 · Oct 16, 2012

I understand that you love her but if she want budge and acts irrationally toward the relationship I'm not sure there is much more you can do. Ask her if she will give it one more chance and go to counseling. If she refuses then you have to let her go.

Ghaleon

Discussion Starter · #4 · Oct 16, 2012

Thank you for the answers so quick. I don't know if shes a serial cheater or what. She told me once that she loves attention at any cost, even if it means tripping herself. Her whole family does have serious mental issues and she was the only "normal" acting one out of all of them. Her family treated her horrible and she said she prayed for a good family to take her in so mine did and they treated her like a queen. I keep hearing more and more rumors that she might have been sleeping with more than 3 or 4 men while we were married. She says she is really in love with the man shes with now (who she was cheating on me with for over a year before she left) and that she is very happy and that she has finally found what shes wanted.

Heres the catch though. Hes 32. Has no teeth. Has no family. He is divorced and is now best friends with his ex wife and they live together because hes bad with money and she has to pay his bills. So now my wife is living with him and his ex wife and there barely making it.

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SCondeck

· #5 · Oct 16, 2012

Sounds like she's reaping what she's sown.

I agree with bandit, you've got to get rid of this woman. She is poison!

Reactions: 2

Decorum

· #6 · Oct 16, 2012 (Edited)

This is hard!
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dave626

· #7 · Oct 16, 2012

You are making the biggest mistake of your life if you get back with her even if you did get back together you will only resent her the longer you stay together.
It will never work ever.
I speak from experience and your sharing is the exact similar story to mine.
Don't waste years thinking you make it work because it never ever will.
Good luck.

Conrad

· #8 · Oct 16, 2012

A woman who cheated twice before you got married?

Sounds like she was sending you a message.

Reactions: 2

Conrad

· #9 · Oct 16, 2012

Ghaleon said:
Thank you for the answers so quick. I don't know if shes a serial cheater or what. She told me once that she loves attention at any cost, even if it means tripping herself. Her whole family does have serious mental issues and she was the only "normal" acting one out of all of them. Her family treated her horrible and she said she prayed for a good family to take her in so mine did and they treated her like a queen. I keep hearing more and more rumors that she might have been sleeping with more than 3 or 4 men while we were married. She says she is really in love with the man shes with now (who she was cheating on me with for over a year before she left) and that she is very happy and that she has finally found what shes wanted.

Heres the catch though. Hes 32. Has no teeth. Has no family. He is divorced and is now best friends with his ex wife and they live together because hes bad with money and she has to pay his bills. So now my wife is living with him and his ex wife and there barely making it.

Give defiant people what they want.

She'll crash and burn at some point.

Nothing you can do to stop it.

The "normal" one in a crazy family usually isn't.

InDoubt

· #10 · Oct 16, 2012

I urge you to leave her as soon as you can. I know it hurts, I know you love her. It doesn't matter. You have one life and you don't want to carry this pain with you forever. I will hurt for awhile, but if you cut all contact with her and concentrate on you, you will eventuallly heal few months (years) later. You will no longer feel the pain and will be happy you don't have her around.

If you keep contact with her, the pain will never end. She is extremely toxic for you. Yes, a cancer like other people said here.

I am not saying it is easy, but you must to endure the pain now in order to give yourself a chance of living a happy life in the future.

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Decorum

· #11 · Oct 18, 2012

ok I found it ,maybe Im the slow one, it looks like op has picked up his old thread an is posting there,

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-spirituality/38198-need-help.html

Ghaleon

Discussion Starter · #12 · Oct 18, 2012

Decorum said:
ok I found it ,maybe Im the slow one, it looks like op has picked up his old thread an is posting there,

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-spirituality/38198-need-help.html

Yeah thats the original post I was mentioning in my first post on here. I had posted it under spirituality at the time because of what I was feeling and I thought I might get some alternate advice under the divorce board since its now led to that.

Reactions: 1

Decorum

· #13 · Oct 18, 2012 (Edited)

Ghaleon,
Please read the newbie thread in the coping with infidelity section.
From what I can tell you are being far to passive and have waited far to long to respond to the situation.
Do not be her friend ! Do you know what the 180 is?
You need to do it, then file for divorce (you can always stop it if things change).
Expose to everyone, and go COMPLETELY dark on her.
Begin working on yourself, exercise etc, get new clothes, go out have fun (dont date), at
Least look like you are moving on, you sound like you are in a sad state.

I dont know why you would want this woman back she is a DEEPLY flawed woman and unless she gets help she will always be an attention whoore.

Her new pos boyfriend is a loser!

I truly would like to hear that you are taking some steps to better yourself and move on.
Take care!
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Decorum

· #14 · Oct 18, 2012 (Edited)

Btw she just wants to feel better about herself thats why she wants to "hang", dont be a doormat, when she heard you were dating she screemed because she could finally blame you for the marriage failure.
She is telling you what she wants and its not you believe her!
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Ghaleon

Discussion Starter · #15 · Oct 31, 2012

Thanks for the replies you all. I decided to do my last thing ever for her the other day. Yesterday was her birthday and I had this little stuffed animal she liked and I sent it to her with a hand written letter telling her that I cannot live this way and that I want out of this. I'm going next week to file the papers. Funny thing is last week or so I sent her an email telling her that I was not ready to trust her and she sent one back saying that she could be a good friend and that she was sorry. I told her that in no uncertain circumstances would I be her friend. I also put my evidence that she said I never had in the email about one of the other men she was sleeping with. She never responded to that one. She has never responded to the letter I sent either, I sent it last Friday. I saw on her moms page that she is coming in Saturday.

Decorum

· #16 · Oct 31, 2012

Sorry Gahleon,
She is telling you she is done with you, believe her.
If you keep chasing her (sending her things) you will never move on and it makes you look weak and pathetic to her, unattractive.

Im sorry for how this turned out, I hope you follow through and file, for your sake.

Take care.
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Ghaleon

Discussion Starter · #17 · Nov 1, 2012

Well tonight kinda sealed it for me. I got on and checked my wife's page one last time and she changed "its complicated" to "in a relationship" she changed her anniversary from ours of 2009 and put that she has been seeing this guy since March 2010. She didn't even leave till December of 2011! I honestly feel numb right now and not good at all.

36Separated

· #18 · Nov 1, 2012

This sounds very similar to me, Wife off with another man, blames me for the marriage failing, kept me hanging on for 4months now wants to be friends. I'cve cut ties and its killing me as i still love her

Ghaleon

Discussion Starter · #19 · Nov 1, 2012

I'm sorry that your going through the same thing. I've had a lot of physical pain in my life but this is the worst pain I have ever experienced. I haven't had a good nights sleep in almost a year now. I'm the type of person that when I think I'm going to be with someone the rest of my life and they make a commitment I put a part of myself into them that I can't handle if it is ever rejected and now I can't handle it. I can't think about anything but the situation.

36Separated

· #20 · Nov 1, 2012

Ghaleon - Im exactly the same. Its killing me

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