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Beating this poor woman to death isn't helping her...I'm sure by now she gets it..
Stop projecting your own BS onto her. No wonder ONS posters never return. It's all been said like a hundred times. I'm sure she's not stupid. She knows what she has.
She knows what she has to do for herself.
@Woundidwife
 

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People don't stop having affairs when caught...they just get better at hiding them. Why anyone would put up with it in a marriage is beyond me. Very low self-esteem I assume.
OP's husband did confess and wasn't caught. LoL.

ONS's do happen quite a lot and most do not confess.

It's crappy behavior but there are quite a number of people who have had a one off, felt terrible and never repeated it. Very few confess however.
 

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Love the guys saying it’s no big deal and doesn’t mean much. Bull crap. Not to them. So what? Why should a woman stay with a sad excuse of a man that can’t control himself around home sluts? That’s a pathetic excuse ,men love the women they screw around on”. Nope . Men don’t want the hassle of a woman calling BS and moving on. Anyone saying cheating is no biggie Is likely a cheater themself . Have a long marriage with s liar? Wtf?
Men do not love the women they screw around on. Full stop.
Women have more to lose than men when they choose to cheat because when men choose to cheat it`s usually just lust, they may still love their wives in the majority of cases and if caught there is still hope for the marriage.
It's "just lust." "It's different with you cause I luurrvveee you." That's insultingly stupid and transparent.
When women cheat it becomes more emotional and means they are either checking out from the marriage or have already mentally and emotionally checked out from the marriage, that makes it much more difficult to save the marriage.
If men choose to cheat it's an idiotic choice but there is still hope for the marriage if coming to terms they had been classic fools.
So it's harder for guys to get over it because women do it for serious reasons (that affect the man's ego) but with men it's just an oopsie so women should get over it.
Personally, I hope you can somehow put this behind you
He really hopes she can do the right thing and just shut up and get over it. Holy crap. This is good advice? Wow.
 

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To me, serial, non- serial, does not matter. Both entail lying their asses off, abuse, exposing one to disease etc.
Exposing me to the possibility of a disease would probably be a deal breaker but if I ever could get through infidelity, it would be some weird situational one off. Confession and contriteness would go a long way.
 

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Yes, according to male cheaters they are innocent lambs, led to slaughter by the evil, horrible seductress. It literally took him what, an hour of her “magic” to fall victim to her ways? That’s the husband you have.

You’re trying to put Humpty together again when he isn’t even done shattering. Even though you want a successful reconciliation, this isn’t the way my friend.
Aside from the blatantly sexist tone in this post, I agree.
 

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I never said a single thing to back up anything you’ve said here. If any other poster said what I said you’d have left it alone. You’re attacking me because you want to pick a fight and have me banned. You saw my name on a post and started screaming “man hater”. Probably didn’t even read what I posted.
You obviously didn’t even read her post since you are telling her to get tested for STDs which she said she did in the first post.
 

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Aside from the blatantly sexist tone in this post, I agree.
I can go over the stupid crap female cheaters say if you would like? They are usually the ones screaming they were forced or drugged. Since we are talking to a betrayed wife, didn’t think that would matter. Though it is good to note if this woman turns up having cheated on her husband and then that guy comes searching for the dude that took advantage of his poor, poor wife.
 

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"How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Linda MacDonald was (at least one) mentioned.
this would be a book for her HUSBAND to read and to take action on - to benefit her…since he is the one who caused the harm to her.

will your H be willing to read the book? Do the work needed to help you feel safe in your marriage?

it is about action. Is he capable of that?
 

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this would be a book for her HUSBAND to read and to take action on - to benefit her…since he is the one who caused the harm to her.

will your H be willing to read the book? Do the work needed to help you feel safe in your marriage?

it is about action. Is he capable of that?
You're right that her husband is the one who should read it but it's also good for her to read, so she can see what he should be doing.
 

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Believe me - a betrayed spouse knows fully well when the one who cheated is handing them peace of mind on a silver platter.

I don’t disagree - she should read it - but not because she should make effort for what he did. They effort to repair the damage he caused falls totally and only on him to do that work.

if he won’t read it - it really shows he’s not planning to do a thing to change.
 

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Believe me - a betrayed spouse knows fully well when the one who cheated is handing them peace of mind on a silver platter.

I don’t disagree - she should read it - but not because she should make effort for what he did. They effort to repair the damage he caused falls totally and only on him to do that work.

if he won’t read it - it really shows he’s not planning to do a thing to change.
I agree. He should be doing the work right now, not her, and it would be better if he was taking the initiative and doing it on his own.
 

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He didn’t approach her. She sat next to him. Very closely, and then chipped away at what little defense he apparently had. He has defense now: That’s the same thing MY WIFE says. That and knowing he will LOSE EVERYTHING if this ever happens again…assuming I CAN forgive him and continue the relationship.

He has already agreed never to go to a bar again, will only drink at home (I will amend that to only IN MY PRESENCE), and not talk to any other women ever or even allowing “friendly” hugs ever. (I was already a jealous person, so this has me at the limits of insanity!) Obviously, his brain is too small to go out unsupervised.
Don't believe this AT ALL.
 

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He didn’t approach her. She sat next to him. Very closely, and then chipped away at what little defense he apparently had.
That changes nothing honey. It doesn't matter what she did, only what he did. It wouldn't matter if she climbed into his lap completely starkers, he should have pushed her away, told her he's married and that he loves his wife.

Stop making excuses for him. He is not a victim.
 
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