[ConanHub]

Hey @Woundidwife , I'm really sorry you have been exposed to this ridiculous infidelity.

If I read it right, you are clear from STDs but what an asshat he is to expose you.

It isn't up to me to tell you what path to take but your husband has obviously developed some serious problem since this seems out of left field for him.

He needs to get to the bottom of his malfunction and you need to look out for your own well being. That might mean reconciliation or going a different path but you could probably use your own counseling as you seem very traumatized (perfectly normal and understandable BTW) by your husband's betrayal.

He did fess up so there is that. Most spouses who do a one off take it to their grave.

Give yourself some time and space to stop your head spinning and make a healthy decision for yourself.

There are some who have reconciled from much worse here and maybe you can get some good information from them.

@No Longer Lonely Husband is a healthy reconciler you can check out though he is a badass marine. LoL!

I'm actually coming up short for women who reconciled on this site but there are several stories here with valuable insights for everyone.

I didn't see it mentioned but do you have children?

 

[ConanHub]

This is so remarkably like the other ons hread. 🧐

 

[ConanHub]

He says he now realizes how much he loves me. I am pissed that THIS is what it took to become the man I always wanted him to be. Not sure how to begin forgiveness—if I even can.

What do you want? Your health and what you want are what's important right now.

 

[ConanHub]

We have grown children, who are now out of the house and have been for a couple of years.

Do you have support from family or friends?

Does anyone else know what's going on?

You could use a support group.

 

[ConanHub]

I did ask him if that if the roles were reversed would he forgive me, which he replied “of course” he would. I asked him to close his eyes and imagine (I walked him through his entire situation) me doing what he did. He wasn’t a fan. I do not believe he would have forgiven me.

To top it all off, HIS rule from the beginning of our marriage was: if you ever even think you want to be with someone else, at least have the decency to TELL ME FIRST. Somehow that rule was forgotten or maybe it never applied to him.

Can you see why I am sooooo f***ing crushed and in disbelief?!

No one WOULD EVER BELIEVE this about him!!!! Ever. I am having a very hard time myself.

Have you checked out individual counseling or therapy?

You have obviously been struck a terrible blow and you are wounded. (I can read).

Please consider your health and get into healing mode. You do not have to deal with your marriage right now. You absolutely can, and should, work towards healing yourself.

 

[ConanHub]

I have been hit on a few times in my life…I always think about my husband. My go to answer is, “My husband thinks so, too,” which is the best and quickest way to exit the situation. How hard would that have been for him to even remember that I existed?!!

I feel for you. Please focus on yourself, your healing and health.

Your husband did not put you first or consider your well being so please stop considering him.

Do you have a support group?

If not, please get into one and work on healing.

What has your husband done to rectify his damage?

What books has he read?

What resources has he researched?

Helping you spouse heal from your affair is a good resource though a ons might lead him to believe the damage isn't as great as a full blown affair. It certainly can be.

 

[ConanHub]

Which one? Is it the woman?!
or did my husband post something? Please direct me to the thread!!

I actually believe I first encountered you on his thread.

His wife had a ons and their story has similarities to yours.

 

[ConanHub]

How can I find that thread again? I would like to compare notes!!!

Wife confessed to a ONS

We got married at 19 and have been married for 18 years! My wife is the love of my life and best friend. We do a lot of traveling, activities together,etc. we get along great but like most couples have the occasional fight. Our marriage continues to get better every year. We have sex 3-4 times a...

www.talkaboutmarriage.com

Here you go. I did encounter you here.

 

[ConanHub]

Love the guys saying it’s no big deal and doesn’t mean much.

I missed these guys? I saw one poster say that men cheating is different than women but he didn't call it no big deal.

I would love to call these guys out but I missed them.

Help?

 

[ConanHub]

People don't stop having affairs when caught...they just get better at hiding them. Why anyone would put up with it in a marriage is beyond me. Very low self-esteem I assume.

OP's husband did confess and wasn't caught. LoL.

ONS's do happen quite a lot and most do not confess.

It's crappy behavior but there are quite a number of people who have had a one off, felt terrible and never repeated it. Very few confess however.

 

[ConanHub]

To me, serial, non- serial, does not matter. Both entail lying their asses off, abuse, exposing one to disease etc.

Exposing me to the possibility of a disease would probably be a deal breaker but if I ever could get through infidelity, it would be some weird situational one off. Confession and contriteness would go a long way.

 

[ConanHub]

Yes, according to male cheaters they are innocent lambs, led to slaughter by the evil, horrible seductress. It literally took him what, an hour of her “magic” to fall victim to her ways? That’s the husband you have.

You’re trying to put Humpty together again when he isn’t even done shattering. Even though you want a successful reconciliation, this isn’t the way my friend.

Aside from the blatantly sexist tone in this post, I agree.

 

[ConanHub]

I can go over the stupid crap female cheaters say if you would like? They are usually the ones screaming they were forced or drugged. Since we are talking to a betrayed wife, didn’t think that would matter. Though it is good to note if this woman turns up having cheated on her husband and then that guy comes searching for the dude that took advantage of his poor, poor wife.

I've seen women and men cheaters use a lot of the same nonsense excuses myself.

I did misread your post however and I realize what you were saying. Sorry about that.🙂

 

[ConanHub]

Yeah there are a lot of things in this whole story that haven’t added up to a guy that was nice and normal and faithful for 27 years that one night got irritated his wife had a few drinks on a business trip so he hops in the car and heads up to the bar where he just happens to meet some chick that is DTF in the parking and then his conscience compelled him to confess out of guilt????

Yeah my calculator can’t quite add up all of those loose ends and balance out that equation.

Happens all the time...... In stories....