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Weeks ago, we decided to split and she was the one who initiated contact the next afternoon saying she didn't want a divorce. So, she was the one who flinched first. Not sure if that matters also she apologized for saying those things to him but still refused to stop contact. She has a little remorse but not sure if she has enough to respect my boundaries. If she refuses I won't argue. I will hand her my ring and tell her I am done fighting for her, and I hope he is worth it.
She didn't really flinch. What she did was to suggest returning to the status quo where she was able to cake eat.

Other than saying she didn't want a divorce, what things has she done differently since then?
 

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Exposing to his friends will not do anything, he flirts with all the girls and a lot of this flirting with her was done out in the open on each other's facebook walls.
Wrong thinking!

Exposing it will likely do something - you just don't know for sure what, but it certainly will bring to light that her particular actions with him are ending your marriage!
 

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No doubt the messages with him earlier were about how she would be going dark on him to appease you.

The question is did they include setting an alternate way to stay in contact or a promise to resume when your little fit blows over?
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Do not let her know you know about the other fb account.

Can you monitor what goes on there? Watch for discussion about new phones etc. but never blow a secret source. Ever.
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I am confused Shaggy , why would he continue playing this game? He tells her in no uncertain term he knows she has another account . This immediately lets her know her knows she is lying. There is no need for him to worry if she will get a further as she more than likely will. He is catching her lie and it is best done now rather than later . This also give him more ammunition to say she by her action is confirming her ongoing adultery .

Edit: if he has the password of that account and uses it to expose to all the OM's friends it would be interesting to see her reaction.
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It sounds like she in the end wants to get out of the fog. She's fence sitting and doing back room deals, but as he holds strong she is coming around.

Sure she has this second account, but she may not really use it.it may be an act of rebellion, but will wither and be abandoned. Keeping watch on it allows him to monitor if her claims remain true.
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But her claims are ALREADY untrue, no?

I dunno.

Lost, I'm sorry for this whole thing. So silly that she couldn't drop a (supposed) friend. What a crummy situation.
Her claims are untrue, but so far all she has really done is to setup a back channel out of defiance. She hasnt really used it.

Now if she is using it, then I'd proceed with the divorce but still never admit to knowing about the back channel.
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I was thiking of asking her if they have talked, when she lies I say that's not what OMM told me. Then if she confesses I can tell her I was just bluffing.
Good plan up to the bluffing part. It only undermines your ability to do it again.

Also do not be specific about who told you what. Just say you've been told by reliable sources.
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Put down the booze. Your greatest asset in this battle is yourself, your wit, your passion, youR determination. Booze blunts all those things.
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Has she ever held a job? Does she understand how expensive insurance +rent + car + trip to NY add up to be?

There is no way she's going to be able split the debt and do all that too.
 

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Exactly what it is. She mentioned no man is going to tell her what to do...Well guess what. I just did.
No you didn't, and next time she says this don't accept it.

You didn't tell her what to do, instead you told her what you were going to do and how she could choose to stop you.
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If there was any doubt about this being an EA - you can see in her actions it is fully is.

The friend dumped the OM because she wasn't in an EA. He wasn't important to her.

Your wife however is very deep in the fog. To her it's giving up her hope and desire to connect with this gay man.

She's got to accept ending the relationship with him and go through the full withdrawl of breakup before you're going to see your wife again.
 

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Yeah, I think we can keep it civil. She may not like it, but that is the reality, and I'm only trying to make her see that reality. I explained it to her that way.

I said, "Maybe you didn't fully realize the gravity of your choice, so that's why I'm doing this. You need to face the reality of your choice. I don't hate you, but I can't move on with my life with you living in my house."
You sir are in a bit of a fog - you are expecting her to react with reason when presented with reality.

This is a woman who is agree to accept divorce from her husband in exchange for being able to run off to NY to be with her GAY EA partner whom she has romantic dreams of converting.

She's so freaking far from reality that she couldn't tell you what color the sky you see above your head today is.

I'm just warning you that you need to be prepared with how to respond when this gets unpleasant. You need to figure out what you will do when she takes the nasty turn. You don't have to go there first, but you do need to be prepared with how you will respond to it.
 
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