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Since she doesn't value what you say, why would you think that an ultimatum would be better received? File for divorce and have her served. Chances are that she won't be expecting it and it just might shock her to see that you mean business. Getting served will speak louder than any ultimatum.
 

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MC while in contact with the OM? Bad idea. Many unfaithful spouses use the MC not as a way to reconnect and reconcile with their betrayed spouses but as a platform to launch in to a list of things wrong with the betrayed spouse in order to say that they tried MC but that the marriage was too damaged. So can the MC until she proves beyond the shadow of doubt that NC is in place and that she is willing to bend over backwards to prove it.
 
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